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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO READ YOUR EMAIL...

After a few months off, we're back with a slight revamp - most of the same features as before, some trimmed, some expanded, some rearranged and some new! As always, any feedback would be appreciated. We were hoping to bring you chapter one of a new story this week, but the Writer has 'flu, so it will have to wait. In the meantime, enjoy.

TFIr ONLINE

You can also read TFIr in its enhanced online version, with links and graphics where appropriate. The latest online version will always be available at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/tfir/latest.htm - part of the Irregular site at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

Who is the Editor? So far as we know there's no portal into his brain, but there is the recently-revised FAQ and the UndeadCam:.

FAQ: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/scblfaq.htm
Cam: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/undead

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 23 March		-		Werner von Braun, rocketeer, born, 1912
Saturday 24 March		-		Auguste Piccard, explorer, died, Lausanne, 1962
Sunday 25 March		-		Happy Mothers' Day! (UK)
Monday 26 March		-		Leonard Nimoy, not Spock, born, 1931
Tuesday 27 March		-		James VI (Scotland) / I (England), died, 1625
Wednesday 28 March		-		Spanish Civil War ended, 1939
Thursday 29 March		-		Coca-Cola tonic (with cocaine) created, 1886

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." (Townsend, TN., Feb. 2001 )

FILM QUIZ

This week's quotations come from films starring Sandra Bullock (but are not necessarily spoken by her characters). Answers next week or from the usual address.

• We're police officers! We're not trained to handle this kind of violence!
• Since when was it a crime to be a slut in this family?
• Interactive TV, Jack! Wave of the future - ha ha ha, huh?
• Remember the squirrels I saved as a kid? First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock. Then I saved them.
• America is a war, and you're on the other side.

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

Throwing out drug charges brought against a teenager at a Hamilton, Ontario concert by shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, the Ontario Court of Appeal described a scene of police entrapment that even Manson's fans would have found offensive and scary, as a group of men (undercover cops) considerably older than the average fan and wearing Gosh clothing tried to dupe kids into selling them pot with "hip, trendy" phrases like, "Hamilton sucks" and "Hey, man, it's going to be a wicked concert." (We hear there are some bad donuts being passed around, man... - Ed)

The latest snack craze to hit London is chocolate-coated ants, crickets and scorpions, which sell for GBP3-3.50 at Selfridges and The Conran Shop.

From the ever-bulging dumb laws file: It's illegal to... curse while having sex with your wife in Willowdale, Oregon; purchase alcohol without the written permission of your wife in Pennsylvania; go barefoot in Texas without a permit; peel an orange in a California hotel room, and - just to show that it's not just Americans who pass silly laws - in 19th Century Britain attempting to commit suicide was a crime punishable by hanging...

After accidentally severing his hand with a power saw, William Bartron of Lehighton, Pennsylvania needed somehing to take his mind off the pain... so he shot himself at least a dozen times in the head with a nailgun. He survived, and his hand was later reattached by surgeons.

Taco Bell, the American restaurant chain, has promised to give a free taco to everyone in the US if - and it's quite a bit if - the core of the falling Mir space station manages to hit a floating 40'-square target placed in the South Pacific Ocean off the coast of Australia. Mir is scheduled to be brought back down to earth (or sea) today.

 

IRREGULAR WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

You might have heard of the SETI Project, which searches for Extra-terrestrial intelligence by analysing deep-space radio signals. The STI Project, on the other hand, is The Search for Terrestrial Intelligence, which searches for intelligent life on Earth (particularly in the Southampton, UK area) by watching cable TV and hoping to spot signs of intelligence...

http://totl.net/STI/

 

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:

19, 29, 30, 32, 45, 46

 

AND FINALLY...

Some anagrams:

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace		-		Start the posh new camera, man!
Blade Runner		-		Run a blender
The Fifth Element		-		Then feet left him
Raiders of the Lost Ark		-		Ford is the real star, OK?