Volume 5, Number 5
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4 January 2002
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TFIr #109
Edited by and copyright ©2002 Simon Lamont
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Back issues and Irregular goodies can be found at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/
WORKS IN PROGRESS
The Irregular Archive Project - all issues of The Lamont Times through TFIr plus goodies, on a CD-ROM with an HTML/raytraced graphical interface (which may bear a superficial - and purely coincidental - resemblance to a onetime-real office):
Still missing Lamont Times #5 and Irregular #12.
Graphical interface: development status page last updated 13 Dec 2001
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/wip/archive/office/Text adventures:
All at Sea: - planned release: Jul 2002
The Night Before Christmas: - planned release: Nov 2002
TFIr ONLINE
You can also read TFIr in its enhanced online version, with links and graphics where appropriate. The latest online version will always be available at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/tfir/latest.htm
Who is the Editor? So far as we know there's no Malkovichian portal into his brain, but there is the Frequently-Asked-Questions (FAQ) file, the UndeadCam and the Film/TV archive:
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Friday 4 January - Charles Stratton (AKA General Tom Thumb) born, 1838 Saturday 5 January - King Camp Gillette (inventor of the safety razor) born, 1855. Twelfth Night. Sunday 6 January - Rowan Atkinson (Black Adder, Mr Bean) born, Newcastle upon Tyne, 1955 Monday 7 January - Patent issued for the typewriter (although it would not be built for some years), 1714 Tuesday 8 January - Elvis Presley, Shirley Bassey and David Bowie born (1935, 1937 and 1947, respectively) Wednesday 9 January - New England/Canada hit by 5.9 earthquake, 1982 Thursday 10 January - Clive Sinclair launched UKP175 2"-screen portable TV, 1977, and the C5 electric tricycle, 1985
THE WISDOM OF...
This week's guest speaker, Anastacia, researching for her performance of the official 2002 Soccer World Cup song:
"Vinnie Jones tried to teach me some of the rules but I didn't get the hang of it. He told me he used to play for Wales. Are they in the World Cup? "
FILM QUIZ
A selection of lines from film starring Anthony Hopkins (though not necessarily spoken by him); answers next issue or from the usual address.
Last issue's quotations were:
- It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
-- The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!- There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, whores, politicians...
-- The Last Action Hero- They can't evict you on Christmas! Then you'd be ho-ho-homeless!
-- Go- Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.
-- The Day the Earth Stood Still- The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the Senate. It is the sand of the Coliseum.
-- Gladiator
FILM QUIZ 2
The spaceships were from: 1. The Fifth Element; 2. Alien; 3. Pitch Black; 4. Independence Day; 5. 2001 - A Space Odyssey; 6. Close Encounters of the Third Kind; 7. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan; 8. Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace; 9. Space Balls; 10. Galaxy Quest. Congratulations to everyone who took part :)
WEIRD WORLD NEWS
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
WRONG NUMBER... Lucknow Telecom changed 150 phone numbers in the village of Nahri, India, but did not tell the customers, or its own operators. General manager AK Nagpal has apologised for the ensuing confusion, promised that all those affected will be phoned to tell them their new numbers, and set up a helpline for directory enquiries and complaints.
PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN IT... 402 passengers aboard an Alitalia flight from Milan to New York were evacuated and their takeoff delayed by four hours after an American passenger left his shoes unattended. He admitted taking them off then going to talk to friends at the back of the plane, but police still insisted on a full search of the plane - and an inspection of the shoes - before allowing the journey to proceed.
WAS HE A DOCTOR?... A man walked into a branch of Bank United in Hallande Beach, Florida, and handed the teller a hand-written note demanding money. She couldn't read his writing and asked him what he wanted, but then couldn't understand what he was saying, in a mix of Spanish and English, so he hurried away in the ensuing commotion without any booty. Ten minutes later he tried the same tactic in a nearby SouthTrust Bank branch, this time with a more legible note, and left with some cash. Nobody was injured, no weapon was seen by staff, and the man was last reported to be still at large.
CRASHING WINDOWS (NOT MICROSOFT)... Under Canadian law motorists are required to take a driving test every two years after they reach the age of 80, but one 83-year-old will not be getting his license back after he got confused, hit the accelerator instead of the brake, and reversed his car through the window of the test centre. His wife, who was sitting in the centre, was hospitalised with chest pains brought on by shock, and another, female, driver had her door ripped off. "She is very lucky that she didn't lose her legs," Police Constable Jennifer Smart told the Edmonton Sun newspaper, adding that the pensioner will be charged with unsafe driving.
BUT WILL THEY DO THE FOXTROT OR THE DOGTROT?... Eric Ferguson of Dunblane, Scotland, has set up an unusual class for dogs - to teach them how to dance. Ferguson, who is an animal welfare officer with Clackmannanshire Council, with 22 years' experience working with animals, says he got the idea after watching a skills test at Crufts, and he thinks the lessons will help promote responsible ownership and increase obedience. His three dogs regularly perform at local fairs, and he says his border collie, called Tobie, particularly likes dancing to Dire Straits' Walk of Life.
WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
Today everyone knows that no two snowflakes are the same, but few people know of the man behind this fact. Wilson A. Bentley was a pioneer in the field of photomicrography, and was the first person to photograph a single snow crystal, in 1885. This week's site is devoted to him, and includes a handful of the more than 5000 photographs he took of snowflakes.
THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
9, 13, 21, 32, 42, 46
THE LAVATORY OF OTRANTO
Will be continued in a later issue.
AND FINALLY...
HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2050
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