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Volume 5, Number 16
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22 March 2002
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TFIr #120
Edited by and copyright ©2002 Simon Lamont
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Back issues and Irregular goodies can be found at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/
WORKS IN PROGRESS
The Irregular Archive Project - all issues of The Lamont Times through TFIr plus goodies, on a CD-ROM with an HTML/raytraced graphical interface (which may bear a superficial - and purely coincidental - resemblance to a onetime-real office):
Still missing Lamont Times #5 and Irregular #12.
Graphical interface: development status page last updated 20 Mar 2002
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/wip/archive/office/We have had a number of requests for larger versions of the office pictures. While we do not intend to do this for every update we have made a 1024*553 render of the current (20 March 2002) design. It's about 150k and can be downloaded from the status page.
Text adventures:
All at Sea: - planned release: Summer 2002
The Night Before Christmas: - planned release: Winter 2002
TFIr ONLINE
You can also read TFIr in its enhanced online version, with links and graphics where appropriate. The latest online version will always be available at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/tfir/latest.htm
Who is the Editor? So far as we know there's no Malkovichian portal into his brain, but there is the Frequently-Asked-Questions (FAQ) file, the UndeadCam and the Film/TV archive list (the latter is now only available as a zip file due to its size):
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Friday 22 March - Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water, 1733 Saturday 23 March - Margaret Thatcher attacked with a bunch of daffodils, 1992 Sunday 24 March - Alyson Hannigan, actress, (Willow in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") born, 1974 Monday 25 March - British Parliament voted to abolish the slave trade, 1807. Happy Lady Day and Greek Independence Day! Tuesday 26 March - Leonard "Mr Spock" Nimoy, born, 1931 Wednesday 27 March - Sir Henry Royce, cofounder of Rolls-Royce, born, 1863 Thursday 28 March - Patent for the washing machine granted to Nathan Briggs, 1794
THE WISDOM OF...
This week's guest speaker - England soccer manager Sven Goran Eriksson explaining the secret of his coaching style:
"Always remember that the goal is at the end of the field and not in the middle."
FILM QUIZ
A selection of nuclear quotations this week; answers next issue or from the usual address.
- Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.
- Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
- In my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself.
- I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. That's the only way to be sure.
- With all that's going on up in the world you bring a nuclear weapon in here?
Last issue's animal lines were from:
- The dog?! You are named after the dog?!
-- Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade- One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I don't know.
-- Animal Crackers- You gotta have a boyfriend, don't you? Otherwise it's just you, a cat, and 40 candles on your birthday cake.
-- The Truth About Cats & Dogs- Is that a rabbit in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
-- Who Framed Roger Rabbit- - Why did the chicken cross the road?
- One does not know, sir, possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other of the road, if it's a male chicken. Possibly a food source, or depending on the season it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
-- Bicentennial Man
WEIRD WORLD NEWS
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
WHEN THIEVES GET DUMBER... When a store in Nieuwerkerk aan de Ijssel, Netherlands, received a phone call from a woman asking if she could exchange a pair of trousers for a larger size, the shop assistant could not remember selling those trousers so she reviewed the store's security tapes and found that they had been shoplifted a couple of days before. She called the "customer" back and told her that the exchange would be all right, and then phoned the police who met the 52-year-old when she arrived. The unnamed woman faces theft charges.
WHEN QUIZ SHOWS GET TOUGH... Peter Prinz, a contestant on the Austrian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? had got to the 15,000 euro (about GBP9,280 or US$13,250) when he was asked who had won silver in the 1952 Olympics out of swimmers Johnny Weismuller, Bud Spencer, Gunther Philipp and Bruno Kreisky. Prinz answered Weismuller but was told that he was wrong and the correct answer was Bud Spencer. In fact Spencer had not won any medals and none of the answers were right. ORF television released a statement admitting their mistake after the show aired, and given Prinz another chance, starting at the same prize level.
MUCK SPREADER! Joe Callahan was driving a septic tank truck full of liquid sewage and hydrogen peroxide back to base in Dunedin, New Zealand, when a build-up of gas caused the back end of the tank, which can be removed for cleaning, to blow off. The force of the explosion shattered the windows of a nearby hotel, sent debris flying into its car park, and covered following cars with the tank's contents, leaving a 150-foot trail of sewage on the road. Nobody was injured, but the road was closed for three hours while fire-fighters cleaned up the scene.
GREEN GREENS... Last October New Zealand's Green Party enthusiastically agreed to support Phil Gully's proposed ban on dihydrogen monoxide, a substance he informed them kills thousands every year, is used in nuclear submarines and is a constituent of acid rain. It is not reported how long it took before they realised that dihydrogen monoxide is ordinary water.
GOBBLE FREEDOM!... On December 4 last year a turkey escaped its Yuletide destiny by breaking out of a farm and walking up to three miles across fields, streams and roads until it reached the New Forest Owl Sanctuary in Hampshire. Sanctuary owner Bruce Berry took pity and decided to keep the turkey, renaming it Terence.
WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
If you have not yet seen it, the first proper trailer for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is out, and it looks rather good - for one thing although he is in the film there's very little, if any, Jar Jar Binks in it... This week's site provides a number of links to sites where you can download it, as well as the teasers and some behind the scenes stuff.
THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
6, 14, 20, 29, 38, 42
AND FINALLY...
Top 10 Country Songs
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