The Friday Irregular

Volume 6, Number 17
27 September 2002

TFIr #147

Edited by and copyright ©2002 Simon Lamont

TFIr ONLINE

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WORKS IN PROGRESS

The Irregular Archive Project - all issues of The Lamont Times through TFIr plus goodies, on a CD-ROM with an HTML/raytraced graphical interface (which may bear a superficial - and purely coincidental - resemblance to a onetime-real office):

Still missing Lamont Times #5 and Irregular #12.
Graphical interface: development status page last updated 26 July 2002
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/wip/archive/office/

Text adventures:

All at Sea: - planned release: Spring 2003
The Night Before Christmas: - planned release: Winter 2002

 

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 27 September   -   First railway track laid, in England, 1825. Clara Bow, film star and original "It" girl, died, Los Angeles, 1965.
Saturday 28 September   -   Greeks defeated the Persians at the battle of Marathon, 49 BC. Brigitte Bardot born, 1934. Confucius' Birthday celebrated in China.
Sunday 29 September   -   Miguel de Cervantes, author of "Don Quixote", born, Alcala de Henares, Spain, 1547. Constitution Day in Brunei.
Monday 30 September   -   First tooth extraction under anaesthetic performed, Charlestown, Mass., 1846. Independence Day in Botswana.
Tuesday 1 October   -   William Beckford, eccentric and novelist, born, Fonthill, Wiltshre, 1760. Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, 1971. Independence Day in Cyprus, Nigeria, Republic of Palau, and Tuvalu. Founding of People's Republic celebrated in China.
Wednesday 2 October   -   "Peanuts" cartoon strip debuted (in 7 newspapers), 1950. Sting born, 1951. Guinean Independence Day.
Thursday 3 October   -  

Neve Campbell, actress, born, Guelph, Ontario, 1973. Tag der Deutschen Einheit (Day of German Unity). National Foundation Day in South Korea.

 

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Benjamin Franklin (1706-90):

"There never was a good war or a bad peace."

TOTALLY TRIVIAL

TV dinners owe their creation to an excess of turkey. In the early 1950s the Swanson company was faced with a surplus of 520,000lb of the meat, so executive Gerry Thomas presented his bosses with a sketch of a three-compartment aluminium tray and the name "TV dinner". The company initially ordered a run of only 5000 meals - comprising turkey, corn bread dressing and gravy, buttered peas and sweet potatoes, setting them at a retail price of 98 cents. The line was a runaway success, with 10 million eventually being sold in the first year and the name subsequently passing into the English language.

FILM QUIZ

Mixed bag of quotations this week; answers next issue or from the usual address.

Last issue's Jenuine quotations were from:

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...


NON CAVE CANEM... After her house was broken into and her childrens' bicycles stolen, Swansea resident Sharon Stevens decided to buy a guard dog, eventually choosing a fierce-looking Staffordshire Bull Terrier called Oz. Unfortunately, despite his fearsome appearance, Oz proved himself less than capable as guard dog, first by being attacked and injured by the family cat, then by being stolen himself. Swansea police are looking into his disappearance.

STAMPED ON... Howick Village, New Zealand, came up with a good promotional idea earlier this year - they hired a company to negotiate with the New Zealand Post Office and manufacture stamps bearing the village logo. After more than 20,000 had been sold to individuals and local businesses someone noticed one small problem - they had been made with the glue on the wrong side. Most were successfully recalled, but the ones that could not be retrieved are likely to become valuable items to philatelists over the next few years.

SET IN HIS WAYS... Ronnie Crossland, of Sharlson, Yorkshire, used to be trainspotter, standing on cold platforms watching locomotive engines. Then he decided that was too boring, and gave it up. These days he has travelled more than 200,000 miles in the last 15 years and taken over a thousand photographs for his current hobby - cement mixer spotting. Since becoming fascinated when seeing a new mixer delivered to a building site in 1987 he has always carried two cameras and binoculars with him on his travels in the hope of seeing a new piece of plant. "People think I'm crazy but mixers are things of incredible beauty to me," he told The Sun newspaper.

DUMB CRIM OF THE WEEK... Swedish police stopped a 30-year-old Norwegian on the E18 motorway, suspecting him of being drunk, and found that he was well over the limit. After leaving the police station the man got back into his car, drove off, was spotted on CCTV cameras and arrested again. This time his car was impounded, but he turned up at the pound with a friend who said he was going to drive the car. Thirty minutes later - less than three hours since he was first stopped - reports reached the police of a speeding car on the E18, and they subsequently pursued and stopped the vehicle, to find the same man behind the wheel again, still well over the drink limit. He now faced three charges of drink-driving, two of speeding and one of illegal and reckless driving.

EVEN DUMBER CRIM OF THE WEEK... A 33-year-old man was arrested in Graz, Austria and faces charges of attempted robbery after being found asleep in his getaway car after a pedestrian noticed that the car had difference number plates on the front and back. The man had been planning to rob a bank in the city, but, overcome with nerves, had downed a bottle of schnapps to give himself courage. Instead, it knocked him out. On the seat beside him police found a balaclava, pistol and the empty bottle.

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: 15-second 4.8 earthquake hits Britain; 20% of German teenagers think tampons are a form of contraceptive; US woman sets up website to ask for donations to help finance her divorce; Vigilant worker wins his company large compensation claim after discovering that not all their toilet rolls were the claimed length; Mike Batt and John Cage estate settle their plagiarism case over silent music track; "Jedi" and "Klingon" enter the Oxford English dictionary; 35% of Bahrain's physical education teachers are overweight, 9% obese; Romanian inventor creates "true love" detector bracelet; Belgian firm developing robotic teddy bear for hospitalised children; missing Washington State seven-year-old sparks massive air/land search, eventually found three doors away from home playing Nintendo with friends; Magpie steals and eats Dutch pensioner's artificial toe.

 

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Continuing the Frankenstein-like series of creatures crossed with electronics, it's Hubzilla...

http://www.charismac.com/Products/hubzilla/index.html

 

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:

9, 14, 20, 29, 39, 41

 

AND FINALLY...

How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a burned-out lightbulb?

Border collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to scratch.

Toy poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house my nails will be dry.

German shepherd: I'll guard the lightbulb while you decide. Back off!!

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid light!

Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze. Dah-ling. Leave it for the servants.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Chow-chow: I'm with the malamute. After I take my nap, that is!

Labrador: Oh, me, ME!!!! Pleeeeze let me change the bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Akita: I'm with the chow and the malamute! What's for dinner?

Jack Russell terrier: I can reach it! I just KNOW I can reach it! Another 20 jumps, and it's mine, ALL mine!!!

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Sheepdog: Put all the lightbulbs in a circle..............

Pointer: I see it, there it is, rrrrriiiiight there!

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