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Volume 7, Number 20
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25 April 2003
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TFIr #176
Edited by and copyright ©2003 Simon Lamont
tfir@simonlamont.co.uk
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Who is the Editor? So far as we know there's no Malkovichian portal into his brain, but there is the Frequently-Asked-Questions (FAQ) file, the UndeadCam and the Film/TV/CD archive lists (the latter are now only available as a zip due to their size):
- FAQ: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/scblfaq.htm (last updated 10 April 2003)
- UndeadCam: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/undead/ (last updated 18 April 2002)
- Film/TV/CD Archive: 630 CDs, 2767 films (320 on DVD) and 9859 TV shows (556 on DVD), totalling 12626 items, at 12 April 2003
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY
Friday 25 April - Edward II (r. 1307-27) born, 1284. Oliver Cromwell born, 1599. Thimble patented, 1684. Isambard Kingdom Brunel, engineer extraordinaire, born, 1769. New York became the first state to require license plates for cars, 1901. Patent for the integrated circuit granted to Robert Noyce, 1961. Director Kevin Smith married Jennifer Schwalbach, 1999. TLC singer Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes died, 2002. Happy birthday to: newsreader Fiona Bruce and actor Hank Azaria (both 39), darts legend Eric Bristow (46), actor Al Pacino (63), artist David Shepherd (72). ANZAC Day in Australia, New Zealand, Samoa and Tonga (commemorating the ANZAC landing at Gallipoli). Liberation Day in Italy. Revolution Day in Portugal. Arbor Day in the US. Latest possible date for Easter. Saturday 26 April - First British colonists land at Cape Henry, VA, 1607. Start of the Great Plague of London, 1665. Naturalist/artist John J. Audubon born, 1785. Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth killed by soldiers, 1865. Charles Richter, quake measurer, born, 1900. Actor Sid James died, 1976. Chernobyl disaster, 1986. Lucille Ball died, 1989. Happy birthday to: actress Emily Booth (27), actor Jet Li (40), Duran Duran drummer Roger Taylor (43), actress Koo Stark (47), comedienne/actress Carol Burnett (70). Union Day in Tanzania. Confederate Memorial Day in Florida and Georgia.
Sunday 27 April - Cebu City, first Spanish settlement in the Philippines, founded, 1565. Samuel Morse, artist, code-deviser, born, 1791. Ralph Waldo Emerson died, 1882. Nylon inventor Wallace Hume Carothers born, 1986. German planes bombed Guernica, 1937. Broadcaster Ed Murrow died, 1965. Happy birthday to: actress Anna Chancellor (38), musician Sheena Easton (44), weatherman Michael Fish (59), former South African politician Pik Botha (71), actor Jack Klugman (81). Independence Day in Sierra Leone and Togo. Freedom Day in South Africa. National Day in Yugoslavia.
Monday 28 April - The Mutiny on the Bounty, 1754. James Monroe, fifth US president (1816-24), born, 1758. Actor Lionel Barrymore born, 1878. Air-conditioner patented, 1914. First successful parachute jump, 1919. Last Americans evacuated from Saigon, 1974. Happy birthday to: Lady Helen Windsor, actresses Jessica Alba (22), Penélope Cruz (29), TV host Jay Leno (53), writer Terry Pratchett (55), actress Ann-Margret (62), Saddam Hussein (66), writer Harper Lee (77)
Tuesday 29 April - William Randolph Hearst, newspaper publisher, born, 1863. Band leader Duke Ellington born, 1899. Zipper patented, 1913. US National Association of Broadcasters gave their Product of the Year award to the Amiga 2000, 1989. Happy birthday to: S Clubber Jo O'Meara (24), actresses Uma Thurman (33) and Michelle Pfeiffer (45), actor Daniel Day Lewis (46), lizard-watcher David Icke (51), writer Larry Niven (65), bioengineer Heinz Wolff (75). Greenery Day in Japan.
Wednesday 30 April - Mary II (r. 1689-94 with William III) born, 1662. George Washington inaugurated as first US president, 1789. France sold Louisiana to the USA, 1803. Poet A.E. Housman died, 1936. Hitler suicided, 1945. Lee Harvey Oswald married Marina Prusakova in the Soviet Union, 1961. Gunter Parche stabbed tennis player Monica Selles on court, 1993. Happy birthday to: Princess Juliana of the Netherlands, actress Kirsten Dunst (21), director Lars von Trier (47), actor Leslie Grantham (57), sports broadcaster Dickie Davies and musician Willie Nelson (both 70). May Day Eve in Finland. Walpurgisnacht in Germany and Scandinavia. Children's Day in Mexico. Queen's Day in the Netherlands. Admission Day (18th state, 1812) in Louisiana.
Thursday 1 May - Union of England and Scotland proclaimed, 1707. Duke of Wellington born, 1769. English "Penny Blacks," first adhesive postage stamps, issued, 1840. Great Exhibition opened, Hyde Park, London, 1851. Folies-Bergere opened, Paris, 1869. Construction of the first skyscraper began, Chicago, 1884. German troops in Italy surrendered, 1945. Elvis and Priscilla married, 1967. Doctor Who producer John Nathan Turner died, 2002. Happy birthday to: actresses Jennifer Ellison (20) and Julie Benz (31), jockey Steve Cauthen (43), actress Joanna Lumley (57), musician Rita Coolidge (59). May Day. International Workers' Day. Beltane in Scotland. Vappu Day in Finland. Lei Day in Hawaii. Bird Day in Oklahoma.
THE WISDOM OF...
This week, Mark Twain:
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
TOTALLY TRIVIAL
Some lunar trivia today, for the week in which scientists announced plans to use "bunker-buster" style explosives to search for frozen water at the lunar poles. Although it is our nearest neighbour, light still takes about 1.5 seconds to travel from the moon to the earth. In the west we refer to the dark shapes seen on the moon (actually basalt-filled basins, up to 8 kilometres deep) as the man in the Moon, but in China the shape is called the toad in the moon, and folklore has it that eclipses are the result of the toad trying to swallow the moon. Never mind the ongoing belief of some people that the Apollo moon missions were faked, a 1988 survey by the US Census Bureau found 13% of respondents believed that at least part of the moon was made of cheese. While over half a million craters can be seen on the moon's surface from the earth, the Aitken impact basin, located at the moon's south pole, is on the dark side (the moon rotates every 29.5 days, and rotates the earth at the same rate, so we always see the same face), is the most impressive, at 2250km in diameter and 12km deep it is the largest impact crater in the Solar system. One of the most popular sci-fi shows of the 1970s, Gerry Anderson's Space 1999, centred around the moon being blown out of its orbit around the Earth by exploding nuclear waste dumps, but less well known is that the series was originally planned as a follow-up to his earlier series, UFO, with the aliens blasting the moon out of orbit.
[This week's trivia subject was requested by JenniferH, who also bet we couldn't find that link between Space 1999 and UFO... Want us to find trivia on a particular subject? Mail your request to tfir@simonlamont.co.uk - we can't promise to use your suggestion, but if we do, you'll be credited.]
FILM QUIZ
A literary folio of quotations this week. Answers next week or from the regular address.
- [..]. do you know about the early days of the Kimberly diamond mine? Do you know what they did to the native workers who stole diamonds? Don't worry, they didn't kill them, that would be like junking a Mercedes just because it had a broken spring. No, if they caught them had to make sure they could go on working, but they also had to make sure they could never run away.
- But I have to say my all-time favourite book is Johnny Cash's autobiography, Cash by Johnny Cash.
- I always thought the joy of reading a book is not knowing what happens next.
- My latest work: "The Devil: History and Myth" - a kind of biography. It will be published next year.
- When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does.
Last issue's Easter quotations were:
- - I hear she's an atheist!
- What's that?
- I don't know.
-- Chocolat- Well ya know what! There is NO Easter Bunny!! Over there? That's just a guy in a suit!
-- Mallrats- Some people think the Crucifixion only took place on Calvary.
-- On the Waterfront- Lookit! I got an idea. Why don't we just put chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?
-- The Goonies- He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
-- Monty Python's Life of Brian
WEIRD WORLD NEWS
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
DUMB CRIMS... Welsh man fined UKP250 (about US$400) for using a 3G mobile phone to photograph a defendant in court. 41-year-old Richard Roy was given a small amount of cash containing a dye pack when he robbed a Boca Ratan bank, so he returned later in the week and tried again, this time handing over a note that said "No dye pack this time. I will shoot you!". He was arrested at home after one of the staff recognised him, and when asked about the red dye covering his hands Roy claimed that it was the result of painting Easter eggs. He is now being held in jail pending trial for two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon. Continuing the Easter theme, German police called after a supermarket window was smashed late at night and a hoard of chocolate stolen only had to follow the trail of eggs and bunnies to an apartment next door where the two culprits, who had been hungry after a night out, were hiding.
...RAED HO Yan, a 72-year-old Beijing resident stays in shape by taking daily walks around Bayi Lake - backwards. Unfortunately earlier this week he lost his concentration and walked into the water, from where he was rescued by three other (presumably forward-) walkers who took him to hospital where he received a few stitches on his head, vowing to resume his exercise regimen as soon as possible.
ANIMAL ROUND-UP. Indian man tries to kill caught mouse by tying kerosene-soaked cloth to its tail and lighting it - mouse escapes, burns down house. German couple's cat accidentally turns on bathtub tap, floods cellar, in ensuing panic couple forget about supper cooking, ensuing fire destroys kitchen and hall. Italian fire service employing sheep to maintain grass-free firebreaks. Scottish fishing authority gives temporary license to a seal that has eluded capture by fishermen and environmentalists. Californian dog hit by car, shot it in the head by a police officer to put it out of its pain, discovered alive in Animal Control centre freezer two hours later, operated on, now fit and healthy again.
DRIVEN UP THE WALL. A motorist returned to his parked car in Stoke-on-Trent, England, this week, to find that council workers had painted no-parking double yellow lines either side of it and a traffic warden had written him a ticket. "It is normal policy [when repainting markings after resurfacing roads] to paint either side of parked vehicles, and to come back later and fill in any gaps," a council official explained, adding that "it is not normal practice for traffic wardens to issue a ticket. It was a silly thing to do." The council have cancelled the fine and issued an apology. Last month a traffic warden in Manchester, England, issued a ticket to a bus at a bus stop. Meanwhile, and perhaps not surprisingly, Detroit, also known as Motor City, has the highest pedestrian fatality rate in the States, twice that of New York City.
STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: British Extreme Ironing duo claim world record after pressing a Union flag 17,800 feet up Everest (Here at Lamont Towers we consider all ironing to be extreme). China producing beer made from cow's milk. 73-year-old German who used a wartime air-raid siren to stun his wife into silence has it confiscated after neighbours complained to police. Carlton TV developing "Celebrity Alcatraz" reality TV show (there's already been a reality TV game show set in a prison, presumably the difference is the celebrity aspect). Following repeated abuse of the original figure, Madame Tussaud's waxwork museum in London has fitted a "squeezable" butt on their waxwork of Brad Pitt. Taiwanese woman "Bobbitts" her husband then runs away after flushing it down the toilet.
WEIRD WAR NEWS. From the people who created the George W Bush talking doll comes the Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf (Iraq's former information minister) talking doll, complete with some of his more celebrated claims like "out initial assessment is that they will all die. They're not even within 100 miles of Baghdad." Herobuilders.com also produce talking Tony Blair, Saddam and Osama bin Laden (in drag) dolls. Britain's Sun tabloid holds competition - first prize, a chunk of the Baghdad Saddam statue.
ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS
Michael Douglas criticises British public for not supporting his wife over their privacy trial (the couple topped a poll of which celebrities most deserved a comeuppance earlier this month). Second series of "I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here" starts in Britain on Monday; has-been 80s celeb chef Rusty Lee announces plan to invade the camp after she was rejected as a contestant. Matrix sequels to be shown on IMAX in the States concurrently with general release (we've got the Reloaded trailer and can only say "woah...") EMI and Universal Music suing venture capitalists behind Napster. EMI also making 140,000 back catalogue and new tracks available through official download sites - new tracks concurrent with radio release. Madonna's new album widely panned by critics; after flooding file-sharing networks with fake tracks from "American Life" Madonna's own site was hacked to enable free downloads before the album's release. Rumours: "Millionaire" cheats not going to appeal against convictions. Obits: Jazz legend Nina Simone (70), actor Graham P. Jarvis (72), big band singer Shirlie Kohn (Carol Ann Robins/Carol Lane) (75), Everly Brothers' songwriter Felice Bryant (77), folk storyteller Ray Hicks (80), film/TV composer Johnny Douglas (82), actress and victim of McCarthyism Karen Morley (93), inventor of "canned laughter" for TV shows, Charlie Douglass (93)
WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
Sci-fi on the cheap, or cool fun with kids' building blocks? This week's site is Lego Sci-Fi. The Battlestar Galactica in particular is worth checking out...
THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
3, 4, 11, 19, 31 and 39
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
AND FINALLY...
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck sped past, its siren wailing and lights flashing. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. Naturally curious, the children started talking about what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said young Johnny.
"No," said Keith, "he's just for good luck."
Little Jennifer piped up, "No, you sillies, they use the dog to find the fire hydrant!"
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