The Friday Irregular

Volume 7, Number 26 (TFIr ^#182)

6 June 2003

TFIr ONLINE

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FAQ: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/scblfaq.htm (last updated 25 May 2003)

UndeadCam: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/undead/ (last updated 17 May 2002)

Film/TV/CD Archive: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/lists.zip - 630 CDs, 2801 films (331 on DVD) and 9992 TV shows (609 on DVD), totalling 12793 items, at 5 June 2003.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 6 June - Philosopher Jeremy Bentham died, 1831. Antarctic explorer Robert Falcon Scott born, 1868. Novelist Thomas Mann born, 1875. Electric iron patented, 1882. First drive-in cinema opened, Camden, New Jersey, 1933. Allied troops landed in Normandy, 1944. Psychiatrist Carl Jung died, 1961. 300 killed when Indian soldiers stormed Sikh militants holding the Golden Temple in Amritsar, 1984. Intel president/CEO Andrew Grove predicted that "By the year 2000, we'll be seeing 50 million to 100 million transistors in microprocessors", 1989. Happy birthday to: Actresses Jacinta Stapleton (24) & Staci Keanan (28), comedienne Josie Lawrence (44), Cricketer Mike Gatting (46), Tennis player Bjorn Borg (47), actress/comedienne Sandra Bernhard (48), actor Robert Englund (54), musician Edgar Froese (59), actress Billie Whitelaw (71), Lord Carrington (84). Today is: National Day in Sweden. King's Birthday in Malaysia. D-Day, commemorating the Normandy landings.

Saturday 7 June - Mumtaz Mahal (for whom the Taj Mahal was built as her tomb) died, 1629. Beau Brummel, English dandy, born, 1778. Artist Paul Gaugain born, 1848. Actress Jessica Tandy born, 1909. Israel bombed the Osirak nuclear plant outside Baghdad, 1981. First public demonstration of multi-user Virtual Reality, Texpo'98, San Francisco, 1989. Dramatist Dennis Potter died, 1994. Voice artist Percy Edwards died, 1996. Happy birthday to: Tennis player Anna Kournikova (22), The Artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince (45), actress Colleen Camp (50), actor Liam Neeson (51), musician Tom Jones (63), actress Virginia McKenna (72), director James Ivory (75). Today is: National Day in Malta.

Sunday 8 June - Prophet Mohammed born, 570 & died, 632. Hardicanute (reigned 1040-42), died, 1042. Engineer Robert Stevenson born, 1772. First commercially-produced ice cream went on sale in New York, 1786. Noah Cushing patented a washing machine, 1824. Actress & model for the Pre-Raphaelites Sarah Siddons died, 1831. Architect Frank Lloyd Wright born, 1869. Poet Gerard Manley Hopkins died, 1889. Broadcaster Russell Harty died, 1988. Former cabinet minister Jonathan Aitken given 18-month jail sentence for perjury, 1999. Venus will transit between the Earth and the Sun, 2004. Happy birthday to: actresses Lexa Doig (30) & Julianna Marguiles (37), Writer/actor/director Keenan Ivory Wayans (45), Sixth Doctor Who Colin Baker (60), TV presenter Fred Dinenage (61), musician Nancy Sinatra (63), actress Millicent Martin (69), former First Lady Barbara Bush (78).

Monday 9 June - Roman Emperor Nero died, 68. Train pioneer & inventor of the cucumber glass, George Stephenson born, 1781. Charles Dickens died, 1870. Songwriter Cole Porter born, 1891. Donald Duck made his first appearance (in The Wise Little Hen), 1934. Newspaper proprietor Max Aitken, first Baron Beaverbrook, died, 1964. Actress Dame Sybil Thorndike died, 1976. The Conservatives under Margaret Thatcher won a landslide second term in office, 1983. Elonex launched a range of 20Mhz 80386 PCs, 1989. Happy birthday to: actress Natalie Portman (22), actor Johnny Depp (40), comedian Jackie Mason (72), actor Tony Britton (79), electric guitar pioneer Les Paul (88). Today is: Senior Citizens Day in Oklahoma.

Tuesday 10 June - "Old Pretender" James Stuart born, 1688. George I (reigned 1714-27), died, 1727. Physicist Andre-Marie Ampere died, 1836. US marines landed in Cuba, 1898. Actress Judy Garland born, 1922. Newspaper proprietor Robert Maxwell born, 1923. Laszlo Biro patented the ball-point pen, 1943. Novelist & Nobel Laureate Sigrid Undset died, 1949. Actor Spencer Tracy died, 1967. Apple shipped the first Apple II computer, 1977. Comedian Les Dawson died, 1993. Writer Hammond Innes died, 1998. London's Millennium Bridge closed shortly after it opened because it swayed violently under large crowds, 2000. Happy birthday to: Ice skater Tara Lipinski (21), meteorologist Helen Young (34), actresses Elizabeth Hurley (38), Jeanne Tripplehorn (40) & Gina Gershon (41), actor Jürgen Prochnow (62), author Maurice Sendak (75) Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh (82). Today is: National Day in Portugal. Camões and Portuguese Communities Day in Macao. Time Observance Day in Japan.

Wednesday 11 June - James III of Scotland (reigned 1460-88) murdered, 1488. Artist John Constable born, 1776. Explorer Sir John Franklin died, 1847. Charles Fabry, discoverer of the ozone layer, born, 1867. Marine explorer Jacques Cousteau born, 1910. First North Sea oil pumped into Britain, 1975. John Wayne died, 1979. The Conservatives under Margaret Thatcher won a third term in office, 1987. Writer Catherine Cookson died, 1998. Actor DeForest Kelley died, 1999. Paul McCartney & Heather Mills married, 2002. Happy birthday to: actresses Pamela Gidley (38) & Caroline Quentin (42), actor Hugh Laurie (44), musicians Lynsey De Paul (53) & Frank Beard (54), racehorse trainer Jenny Pitman (57), racing driver Jackie Stewart (64), actors Gene Wilder (70) & Ed Bishop (71) Today is: King Kamehameha I Day in Hawaii.

Thursday 12 June - Novelist Charles Kingsley born, 1819. First baseball game played in America, 1839. Anthony Eden, Prime Minister 1955-57, born, 1897. Director Irwin Allen born, 1916. Actor Peter Jones born, 1920. Charles Stephens died going over Niagara Falls in a barrel (1920). Diarist Anne Frank born, 1929. Nelson Mandela given life sentence for sabotage, 1964. David Arquette & Courteney Cox married, 1999. Happy birthday to: actress Cathy Tyson (38), musician Meredith Brooks (45), actor Timothy Busfield (46), soccer player Pat Jennings (48), actor Tom Oliver (61), former President George H.W. Bush (79) Today is: Independence Day in the Philippines. Dia dos Namorados (Sweethearts' Day) in Brazil. Peace of Chaco Day in Paraguay. Independence Day in Russia.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Fran Liebowitz:
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

FILM QUIZ

Another mixed bag of quotations. Answers next week or from the regular address.

The strangeness of this life cannot be measured: in trying to produce my own death, I was elevated to the status of a living hero.

- Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then?
- I think I'll have a drink.

What am I doing? I'm talking into an empty telephone.

I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies.

Look on the bright side. We'll all get high schools named after us.

Last issue's lines were:

On August 29th, 1997 it's gonna feel pretty ****ing real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?
-- Terminator 2 - Judgment Day

I married Rambo!
-- True Lies

It seems to me that the best way to hurt rich people is by making them poor.
-- Trading Places

This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles!
-- Shrek

No, Milo, not the cheese... the keys!
-- The Mask

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUMB CRIMS... Criminal Mastermind Rules #1: Destroy *all* incriminating evidence. 20-year-old Chen Yongfeng was arrested in Wenzhou, China, this week, accused of killing and dismembering ten people. How was he caught? A policeman knocked on his door to ask him to move an old bicycle parked outside his house, and noticed blood splatters on the walls - Chen's last victim was the owner of the bicycle. Rule #2: Remember the big picture. A 35-year-old man from Edinburgh has been charged with contravening the Roads (Scotland) Act and malicious mischief after painting over double yellow (no parking) lines near his home. Of course, he could have blanked out a whole stretch, but, with the genius that qualifies him for this section, he only painted out enough to let him park his own car there. Rule #3: TV shows are (mostly) not real. Anello Aiello, a 66-year-old hotel manager in Italy may be charged with kidnapping after he dealt with guests who complained about the poor standards in his hotel by declaring "Right, that's it. I've had enough - no-one is leaving," and locking the front doors until police arrived, summoned by guests' phone calls. Good thing they didn't mention the war... Rule #4: Remember that you're a criminal mastermind, so try not to do anything useful. A broken down car (to the extent that it did not even have an engine) was stolen from outside its owner's house in Severodvinsk, Russia, where it had sat for four weeks while its owner tried to arrange for it to be taken away for scrap. Police were reportedly dumbfounded to explain how the thieves managed to move the vehicle.

BRUCE CHRIST... We've had bible stories "translated" into Cockney rhyming slang, now a group of Australians backed by the Bible Society of New South Wales have produced "The Aussie Bible (Well, bits of it anyway)", which includes the story of the "three eggheads from out east" who have "come to say 'G'day, Your Majesty.'" and rewrites Psalm 23 as a "bush ballad", starting *quot;God is the Station Owner, and I am just one of the sheep. He musters me down to the lucerne flats, and feeds me there all week." Kel Richards, one of the writers behind the book, told reporters "We don't talk like anyone else on Earth." [Here at the Irregular offices our resident minister is wondering if the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and said "Brace yerself, Sheila!"]

NEVER MIND THE EUROS... With the British government due to announce its decision on whether it feels the time is right to consider joining the single European currency, the King's Head pub in Islington is a small oasis of past times - drinks are still priced in pounds, shilling and pence, the currency used in Britain before decimilisation in 1971. Customers pay with current coinage and prices are converted back and forth. If Britain does join the Euro, the King's Head might be forced to change, not by legislation, but because converting into decimal pounds and then into euros "would be tricky to say the least," according to landlord Dan Crawford, whose clientele includes parents and grandparents who bring their younger relatives in to show them how money used to be.

WIERD WAR NEWS... Japanese reporter jailed for 18 months after trying to demonstrate to a Jordanian airport security officer that a cluster bomblet he had picked up as a souvenir in Iraq was safe, detonating the bomb in the process. New Zealander building DIY cruise missile in his back yard with parts bought online. This week's best-selling video in Baghdad? A compilation of home movie footage of Saddam Hussein & his family. Britain's anti-terrorist unit disabled by a workman who accidentally cut the power cable to New Scotland Yard. Royal Mail threatening to sue gallery over war-inspired artwork of the Queen, as portrayed on British stamps but wearing a gas mask. Saddam's daughters seeking asylum in Britain - Home Office certain to deny it.

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: McDonald's suing Italian food critic who said its burgers tasted of rubber & its fries of cardboard. King of Swaziland blames women's trousers for all the world's ill - and says the Bible backs him up. FBI recruits three girls to train agents how to imitate teenagers online. 33-year-old single mother of three extends overdraft to pay UKP1610 for a pair of ex-Boyzone member Ronan Keating's underpants in charity auction. Missing parrot named after "The Simpsons" father figure wolf-whistles, squawks expletives and says "Homer, stop it" - and does a good rendition of the theme from The Addams Family. Dutchman opening museum dedicated to donkeys in attempt to raise their profile. Comedian skinny-dips in aquarium's shark tank for UKP 1 bet. Norwegian soccer referee substituted because he was drunk. 90-year-old Florida man wins US$16.5 million in state lottery, decides to take lump sump rather than yearly payments.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Kate Bush forbids ukelele orchestra from performing her "Wuthering Heights." Barry Manilow breaks nose. Led Zeppelin top US album charts. Metallica planning music downloads linked to CD purchase. The Hives supporting the Rolling Stones. Jimi Hendrix-owned guitar fails to reach reserve price at auction. Fleadh Festival cancelled for lack of Irish bands. BB3's Jade Goody has son. BB4's Federico fails weekly task again. Viewing figures for near-round-clock BB4 coverage on subscription channel E4 a third down on last year after this year's show branded "boring" by press. One of the BB fish dies [Yes, it really is this exciting this year...] Jean-Claude Van Damme to enter French BB. Norman Wisdom returning to drama for TV series. Michael Aspel quits "This Is Your Life" ahead of axing/rebranding. "To Kill a Mockingbird"'s Atticus Finch named top screen hero in American Film Institute poll, Hannibal Lector tops villains list. Harrison Ford gets star on Walk of Fame. Johnny Vegas cast as Harry Secombe in Peter Sellers biopic. Spike Lee suing TNT over plans to rebrand as "Spike TV". Martha Stewart indicted for securities fraud and lying to authorities. "Finding Nemo" sets US opening day box-office record for an animated feature. First edition copy of "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" auctioned for UKP10,575. Amazon reporting over one million advance orders for "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," over 300,000 from amazon.co.uk customers. Interesting remake announcement of the week: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", directed by Tim Burton. Obits: Asian-American filmmaker Linda Mabalot (49), TV screenwriter Ernest Ferrin Wallengren (50), British record producer Micky Most (64), BBC horse racing commentator Peter Bromley (74), actor (and father of John & Joan) Richard Cusack (77), tap dancer/Apollo "executioner" Sandman Sims (86), actress Martha Scott (90), actor Basil Langton (91), film/tv composer Albert Sendrey (91).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

For all the Matrix fans out there, this week's site is the official homepage of The Animatrix, nine short animated films related to the movies, from "Final Flight of the Osiris" which directly prequels "Matrix: Reloaded" and builds on the animation technique of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" to the grainy film-noir of "Detective Story", with a private eye on the trail of Trinity, and the more traditionally manga-esque "Kid's Story", "Program" and "Beyond", ending with "Matriculated", which could well be an indication of things to come in "Matrix: Revolutions", plus "Second Renaissance" I & II which relate the back story of the Matrix. The site has free episodes (Quicktime 6 needed), wallpapers and more; the full Animatrix is out on DVD.
http://www.intothematrix.com

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
5, 10, 13, 25, 29 & 33.
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

AND FINALLY...

A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: "What is courage?"

The student wrote: "This", signed it, and handed it in.

...end of line

Friday 6 June	-	Philosopher Jeremy Bentham died, 1831. Antarctic explorer Robert Falcon Scott born, 1868. Novelist Thomas Mann born, 1875. Electric iron patented, 1882. First drive-in cinema opened, Camden, New Jersey, 1933. Allied troops landed in Normandy, 1944. Psychiatrist Carl Jung died, 1961. 300 killed when Indian soldiers stormed Sikh militants holding the Golden Temple in Amritsar, 1984. Intel president/CEO Andrew Grove predicted that "By the year 2000, we'll be seeing 50 million to 100 million transistors in microprocessors", 1989. Happy birthday to: Actresses Jacinta Stapleton (24) & Staci Keanan (28), comedienne Josie Lawrence (44), Cricketer Mike Gatting (46), Tennis player Bjorn Borg (47), actress/comedienne Sandra Bernhard (48), actor Robert Englund (54), musician Edgar Froese (59), actress Billie Whitelaw (71), Lord Carrington (84). Today is: National Day in Sweden. King's Birthday in Malaysia. D-Day, commemorating the Normandy landings.

Saturday 7 June	-	Mumtaz Mahal (for whom the Taj Mahal was built as her tomb) died, 1629. Beau Brummel, English dandy, born, 1778. Artist Paul Gaugain born, 1848. Actress Jessica Tandy born, 1909. Israel bombed the Osirak nuclear plant outside Baghdad, 1981. First public demonstration of multi-user Virtual Reality, Texpo'98, San Francisco, 1989. Dramatist Dennis Potter died, 1994. Voice artist Percy Edwards died, 1996. Happy birthday to: Tennis player Anna Kournikova (22), The Artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince (45), actress Colleen Camp (50), actor Liam Neeson (51), musician Tom Jones (63), actress Virginia McKenna (72), director James Ivory (75). Today is: National Day in Malta.

Sunday 8 June	-	Prophet Mohammed born, 570 & died, 632. Hardicanute (reigned 1040-42), died, 1042. Engineer Robert Stevenson born, 1772. First commercially-produced ice cream went on sale in New York, 1786. Noah Cushing patented a washing machine, 1824. Actress & model for the Pre-Raphaelites Sarah Siddons died, 1831. Architect Frank Lloyd Wright born, 1869. Poet Gerard Manley Hopkins died, 1889. Broadcaster Russell Harty died, 1988. Former cabinet minister Jonathan Aitken given 18-month jail sentence for perjury, 1999. Venus will transit between the Earth and the Sun, 2004. Happy birthday to: actresses Lexa Doig (30) & Julianna Marguiles (37), Writer/actor/director Keenan Ivory Wayans (45), Sixth Doctor Who Colin Baker (60), TV presenter Fred Dinenage (61), musician Nancy Sinatra (63), actress Millicent Martin (69), former First Lady Barbara Bush (78).

Monday 9 June	-	Roman Emperor Nero died, 68. Train pioneer & inventor of the cucumber glass, George Stephenson born, 1781. Charles Dickens died, 1870. Songwriter Cole Porter born, 1891. Donald Duck made his first appearance (in The Wise Little Hen), 1934. Newspaper proprietor Max Aitken, first Baron Beaverbrook, died, 1964. Actress Dame Sybil Thorndike died, 1976. The Conservatives under Margaret Thatcher won a landslide second term in office, 1983. Elonex launched a range of 20Mhz 80386 PCs, 1989. Happy birthday to: actress Natalie Portman (22), actor Johnny Depp (40), comedian Jackie Mason (72), actor Tony Britton (79), electric guitar pioneer Les Paul (88). Today is: Senior Citizens Day in Oklahoma.

Tuesday 10 June	-	"Old Pretender" James Stuart born, 1688. George I (reigned 1714-27), died, 1727. Physicist Andre-Marie Ampere died, 1836. US marines landed in Cuba, 1898. Actress Judy Garland born, 1922. Newspaper proprietor Robert Maxwell born, 1923. Laszlo Biro patented the ball-point pen, 1943. Novelist & Nobel Laureate Sigrid Undset died, 1949. Actor Spencer Tracy died, 1967. Apple shipped the first Apple II computer, 1977. Comedian Les Dawson died, 1993. Writer Hammond Innes died, 1998. London's Millennium Bridge closed shortly after it opened because it swayed violently under large crowds, 2000. Happy birthday to: Ice skater Tara Lipinski (21), meteorologist Helen Young (34), actresses Elizabeth Hurley (38), Jeanne Tripplehorn (40) & Gina Gershon (41), actor Jürgen Prochnow (62), author Maurice Sendak (75) Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh (82). Today is: National Day in Portugal. Camões and Portuguese Communities Day in Macao. Time Observance Day in Japan.

Wednesday 11 June	-	James III of Scotland (reigned 1460-88) murdered, 1488. Artist John Constable born, 1776. Explorer Sir John Franklin died, 1847. Charles Fabry, discoverer of the ozone layer, born, 1867. Marine explorer Jacques Cousteau born, 1910. First North Sea oil pumped into Britain, 1975. John Wayne died, 1979. The Conservatives under Margaret Thatcher won a third term in office, 1987. Writer Catherine Cookson died, 1998. Actor DeForest Kelley died, 1999. Paul McCartney & Heather Mills married, 2002. Happy birthday to: actresses Pamela Gidley (38) & Caroline Quentin (42), actor Hugh Laurie (44), musicians Lynsey De Paul (53) & Frank Beard (54), racehorse trainer Jenny Pitman (57), racing driver Jackie Stewart (64), actors Gene Wilder (70) & Ed Bishop (71) Today is: King Kamehameha I Day in Hawaii.

Thursday 12 June	-	Novelist Charles Kingsley born, 1819. First baseball game played in America, 1839. Anthony Eden, Prime Minister 1955-57, born, 1897. Director Irwin Allen born, 1916. Actor Peter Jones born, 1920. Charles Stephens died going over Niagara Falls in a barrel (1920). Diarist Anne Frank born, 1929. Nelson Mandela given life sentence for sabotage, 1964. David Arquette & Courteney Cox married, 1999. Happy birthday to: actress Cathy Tyson (38), musician Meredith Brooks (45), actor Timothy Busfield (46), soccer player Pat Jennings (48), actor Tom Oliver (61), former President George H.W. Bush (79) Today is: Independence Day in the Philippines. Dia dos Namorados (Sweethearts' Day) in Brazil. Peace of Chaco Day in Paraguay. Independence Day in Russia.