The Friday Irregular

Volume 8, Number 3 (TFIr ^#185)

27 June 2003

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Film/TV/CD Archive: http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/filmtv.txt & http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/cd-list.txt - 631 CDs, 2804 films (336 on DVD) and 10064 TV shows (615 on DVD), totalling 12868 items, at 18 June 2003.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 27 June - Mormon founder Joseph Smith murdered, 1844. Helen Keller born, 1850. Anna Nicole Smith & J. Howard Marshall married, 1994. Hugh Grant arrested in Los Angeles, 1995. Jack Lemmon died, 2001. The Who's bass guitarist John Entwhistle died, 2002. Happy birthday to: actor Tobey Maguire (28), musician Michael Ball (41), actress Isabelle Adjani (48), comedian Tommy Cannon, actress Shirley Anne Field & humorist Alan Coren (all 65). Today is: Independence Day in Djibouti.

Saturday 28 June - Henry VIII (r.1509-47) born, 1491. Philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau born, 1712. Tomato proved to be non-poisonous, 1820. Coronation of Queen Victoria, 1838. Treaty of Versailles, 1919. Actress Joan Sims died, 2001. Happy birthday to: actors Adam Woodyatt (35) & John Cusack (37), actress Mary Stewart Masterson (37) writer Lalla Ward (52), cricketer Sir Garry Sobers (67), director Mel Brooks (77).

Sunday 29 June - First edition of The Daily Telegraph newspaper, 1855. Poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning died, 1861. Parliament legalised trade unions, 1871. Actor Slim Pickens born, 1919. Lady Jennie Churchill died, 1921. Artist Paul Klee died, 1940. Happy birthday to: former actor Ilan Mitchell-Smith (34), musician Anne-Sophie Mutter (40), actresses Amanda Donahoe (41) & Maria Conchata Alonso (46), actor Gary Busey (59), stop-motion animator Ray Harryhausen (83).

Monday 30 June - Montezuma, last emperor of Mexico (r.1502-20) died, 1520. London's Tower Bridge opened, 1894. Something exploded over Tunguska, Siberia, 1908. Mahatma Gandhi arrested in South Africa, 1914. Writer Nancy Mitford died, 1973. Actress Lana Turner died, 1995. Happy birthday to: musician Cheryl Tweedy (20), former world boxing champion Mike Tyson (37), actor Vincent D'Onofrio (44), oceanographic explorer Bob Ballard (61), musicians Tony Hatch (63) & Lena Horne (86). Today is: Independence Day in Zaire. Constitution Day in Mongolia.

Tuesday 1 July - Dominion of Canada formed, 1867. Start of the Bretton Woods Conference (would lead to the founding of the IMF and World Bank), 1944. Haleakala National Park established, Hawaii, 1961. DJ Wolfman Jack died, 1995. Barbra Streisand & James Brolin married, 1998. Walter Matthau died, 2000. Happy birthday to: actress Julianne Nicholson (32), athlete Carl Lewis (42), actor Dan Aykroyd (51), musician Deborah Harry (58), actresses Geneviève Bujold (61) & Jean Marsh (69). Today is: Dominion (aka Canada) Day in Canada. Independence Day in Burundi. Independence Day in Rwanda.

Wednesday 2 July - Thomas Cranmer born, 1489. Battle of Marston Moor, 1644. First flight of a Zeppelin airship, 1900. Amelia Earhart disappeared over the Pacific, 1937. Ernest Hemingway died, 1961. Betty Grable died, 1973. Happy birthday to: actress Sue Devaney (36), model Jerry Hall (47), musicians Roy Bittan (54) & Leapy Lee (61), Dr David Owen (65), actor Brock Peters (76). Today is: Il Palio race day in Siena.

Thursday 3 July - Quebec founded, 1608. Composer Leos Janacek born, 1854. The Pony Express made its first New York-San Francisco delivery, 1861. Novelist Franz Kafka born, 1883. Steam engine Mallard set a world record speed of 126mph, 1938. Raid on Entebbe, 1976. Happy birthday to: actresses Shawnee Smith (33), Connie Nielsen (38) & Yeardley Smith (39), former gymnast Susanne Dando (42), playwright Tom Stoppard (66), director Ken Russell (76). Today is: Admission Day (43rd state, 1890) in Idaho. Independence Day in Belarus.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Denis Thatcher, former prime minister Margaret Thatcher's husband, who died yesterday:
My idea of heaven is sitting in my garden on a warm summer night with a bottle of bubbly by my side and my wife in a calm frame of mind.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations this week, and a bonus point if you can connect each film to the next through a leading cast member. Answers next week or from the regular address.

I haven't had a gun in my hands for many, many years. My eyes aren't what they used to be, even with the glasses. My hands shake. And I wouldn't want to miss.

There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad that tie is.

The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the Senate. It is the sand of the Colosseum.

I think we could all agree the twentieth century has been entirely mine.

- So, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way.
- You're not human, are you?
- Well, it's harder to get much more obvious than that.

Last issue's lines were:

You know, you should write a song about this. You could call it "I got hit in the face for sticking my nose in other people's business".
-- The Wedding Singer

Polite: Would you mind not bobbing your head; the orchestra keeps changing the tempo.
-- Roxanne

There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.
-- A Mighty Wind

In the immortal words of The Doors, 'The time to hesitate is through.'
-- Empire Records

Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous, row after row will grow vociferous.
-- Chicago

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUMB CRIMS... Eric Gardner, jailed this week after being found guilty of assault and robbery, literally did not have a leg to stand on in court - he'd left his artificial limb at the scene of the crime as he hopped to the getaway car after robbing a shopkeeper who was delivering his cash takings to the bank. Gardner turned himself in after an appeal in local newspapers. Two Austrian fish thieves left less bizarre evidence after taking four Koi carp from a pet shop's pond - one of them dropped his ID card and driving licence into the water where the shop's owner found them floating when he returned. A German who broke through a skylight to enter a doctor's surgery was forced to call the police when he found that he was too short to be able to climb back out again.

NEWS FROM THE GNOME OFFICE... While French garden owners have to contend with the Gnome Liberation Front liberating (stealing) their garden gnomes and setting them free in woods, fourteen households in the British village of Brattleby in Lincolnshire woke up last Tuesday to find that gnomes had moved into their gardens. The chairman of the parish council commented that he suspected "someone from the other end of the village" as "the people down the far end of the village say our end is the posh end." A self-proclaimed gnome-hater who collected many of the little fellows and stashed them in his garage, he nevertheless said that everyone whose garden had been invaded was taking the joke light-heartedly.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU... A Finnish woman was sentenced to a 14-month suspended jail term this week for assaulting her husband with an axe and striking his mistress - who had been a friend of hers - on the face. She found out about their affair after the couple were making love in his car and he accidentally pressed the buttons on his mobile phone that dialled home; the wife picked up her phone just in time to hear the mistress moaning "I love you." When she recognised her friend's voice and the number of the mobile, she went to the woman's flat and hit her, before later attacking her husband with the axe, although he was able to fend her off. They have since divorced.

ANIMAL ROUNDUP... Norwegian has to wear leg protectors because his girlfriend's jealous pet pig keeps attacking him, despite attempts at retraining. Terrier-golden retriever cross Dexter who survived a car crash which left the family car a write-off cheated death a second time a week later when he fell off a cliff, only to land on a narrow ledge from where the coastguard rescued him. 11-foot hungry python that went missing near Sheffield, England, successfully recaptured three days later. Billy, a homing pigeon from Bootle, England, released in France on June 6 as part of an expected seven-hour race failed to return home, and his owners had given up hope until they got a phone call from a racing pigeon breeder in New York. Billy had travelled 3,310 miles - it is thought that he had landed on a transatlantic ship and fallen asleep while it left port. He is due to return to England aboard an airplane.

WEIRD WAR NEWS. New Zealand TV station accidentally flash wrong caption onto a picture of George W. Bush, briefly labelling him as a "professional fascist." So where is Saddam? The best (i.e. weirdest) theory we've heard so far is that he was giving shelter to aliens, so the infidel Americans wouldn't reverse engineer their saucers (like they had the Roswell craft), and they teleported him onto their interstellar spaceship to return the favour... "Comical Ali" surrendered to US troops, questioned and released.

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: National Geographic's specially-designed armour-reinforced camera unit intended to take photos inside a tornado was destroyed within a few seconds of a twister hitting it. Nine out ten euro banknotes in Germany carries detectable traces of cocaine. Ozzy Osbourne invites Prince William to stay with his family. UN estimates 163 million people world-wide regularly smoke cannabis; Switzerland considering legalising the drug - it can already be bought legally in Amsterdam coffee houses, but a smoking ban means it can't be consumed on-site anymore. Romanian soccer-fan couple name their son after David Beckham, but accidentally misspell it as David Becham. British toe-wrestlers win World Toe-Wrestling Championships. Former nun wins US$1.5 million on Atlantic City slot machine. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling apparently turned down a request from a company with the idea of making "Moaning Myrtle" audible toilet seats. After a recount in the election for the Annotto Bay seat of St. Mary's Parish council in Kingston, Jamaica, confirmed a tied result the two candidates settled the matter with a coin toss. Liverpool telco cable-layer among those sued by Microsoft for spamming; claims his address was either forged or previously owned by a spammer.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Film: Centre court play at Wimbledon tennis championship was delayed half-an-hour on Thursday to allow filming for Paul Bettany/Kirsten Dunst romcom "Wimbledon" to take place. Kevin Costner (remember him?) engaged. Dreamworks & Aardman Animations being sued by author claiming "Chicken Run" was based on his book. Adam Sandler marries. Hulk sets US domestic June debut weekend record take of US$62.6 million. Exorcist novel/screenwriter William Peter Blatty & director William Friedkin suing Warner Bros for breaching its fiduciary duty to them over the more recent re-edit. Unconfirmed reports suggest Star Wars Episode III, due out in 2005, may be titled "An Empire Divided". John Travolta approached to play Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason love interest.

TV: Although producers' attempts to spice up the UK Big Brother 4 (double eviction, contestant-swap with South Africa's Big Brother) have raised viewing figures, voting (a significant revenue source) is 40% down on the same stage of last year's show. The case of Spike Lee suing TNT over their plan to rebrand as "Spike TV" will go to court in August. Factory drama "Clocking Off" could be remade for American TV. Blind Date scrapped for good, SM:TV may follow as ITV aims for more reality TV shows. "Police, Camera, Action" presenter Alastair Stewart charged with drink-driving. Kelsey Grammar confirms next season of "Frasier" will be the last (Grammar will have played the character for 20 years, starting in "Cheers").

Music & Radio: RIAA planning to sue individual music downloaders after failure of litigation against two file-share network companies. Former Virgin Radio breakfast DJ Chris Evans loses multi-million pound unfair dismissal case against the station, now faces breach of contract countersuit. Former S-Clubber Rachel Stevens signs UKP1m solo deal. Glastonbury festival off to quiet start according to police. Eminem restages Jacko's baby-dangling with a doll. Robbie Williams writing autobiography. Human League to tour UK before end of year. Justin Timberlake to play 12 UK dates early next year, also to join Rolling Stones for Sars benefit gig in Toronto

Books: Camarthan, Wales attempting world record for the greatest number of Harry Potter character lookalikes in one place. Frederick Warne (publishers of Beatrix Potter books) suing Chinese publisher for copyright infringement over illustrations of Peter Rabbit (under Chinese law, copyright expires 50 years after the writer's death). With the RIAA and MPAA going after music & video file-swapping, could books be the next big thing? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was available online by the end of its first weekend of legal sales. Speaking of which, 5 million copies sold on the first day (1.8 million in Britain), and the US publisher is on their third printing already. Here at Lamont Towers we read it last weekend and concluded that while a bit of trimming wouldn't go amiss it's a jolly good, gripping read. We'd heard two different names for the identity of the character who dies, neither of which turned out to be correct...

Obits: Jamaican reggae singer ("Heartaches", "For Your Precious Live" et al.) Vic Taylor (56), documentarian ("Baymen - Our Waters Are Dying", "Dancing for Mr. B: Six Balanchine Ballerinas" et al.) Anne Belle (68), film editor ("Zulu", "A Hard Day's Night" et al.) John Jympson (72), jazz drummer Billy "I'm no evangelist. I beat a different kind of drum" Graham (74), character actor (Kubrick's "Clockwork Orange", "The Shining" et al.) Philip Stone (79), playwright/screenwriter ("The Seven Year Itch", "Breakfast at Tiffany's" et al.) George Axelrod (81).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

With his crumpled raincoat and dogged determination a mainstay of TV detective shows, this week's site is "The Ultimate Columbo site!" It's pretty inclusive, with episode guides, sounds and pages on such diverse things as Columbo's pet basset hound (known only as 'dog'), his car, the unseen (apart from her spin-off show where she looked remarkably like Voyager's Captain Janeway, because Kate Mulgrew played both roles) Mrs Columbo, and a fuzzy screen-grab that may settle the question that once led to an attempted plagiarism trial against the makers of Trivial Pursuit - just what is Columbo's first name? Oh, before you go there, just one more thing...
http://www.columbo-site.freeuk.com/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
3, 25, 41, 43, 44 & 48.
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

AND FINALLY...

A traffic cop pulled over a car and strolled up to the driver's window. "Excuse me, sir, but you're driving without a rear light."

The driver got out, ran to the rear of the car and started groaning loudly and thumping the back of his car with his fist. After a few minutes of this, the policeman had become quite sympathetic. "Don't take it so hard. It's not that serious an offence, so I'll just caution you and and there's a garage up the road who'll fix it in a few minutes."

"It's not that," the driver cried, "Where's my caravan gone?"

...end of line

Friday 27 June	-	Mormon founder Joseph Smith murdered, 1844. Helen Keller born, 1850. Anna Nicole Smith & J. Howard Marshall married, 1994. Hugh Grant arrested in Los Angeles, 1995. Jack Lemmon died, 2001. The Who's bass guitarist John Entwhistle died, 2002. Happy birthday to: actor Tobey Maguire (28), musician Michael Ball (41), actress Isabelle Adjani (48), comedian Tommy Cannon, actress Shirley Anne Field & humorist Alan Coren (all 65). Today is: Independence Day in Djibouti.

Saturday 28 June	-	Henry VIII (r.1509-47) born, 1491. Philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau born, 1712. Tomato proved to be non-poisonous, 1820. Coronation of Queen Victoria, 1838. Treaty of Versailles, 1919. Actress Joan Sims died, 2001. Happy birthday to: actors Adam Woodyatt (35) & John Cusack (37), actress Mary Stewart Masterson (37) writer Lalla Ward (52), cricketer Sir Garry Sobers (67), director Mel Brooks (77).

Sunday 29 June	-	First edition of The Daily Telegraph newspaper, 1855. Poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning died, 1861. Parliament legalised trade unions, 1871. Actor Slim Pickens born, 1919. Lady Jennie Churchill died, 1921. Artist Paul Klee died, 1940. Happy birthday to: former actor Ilan Mitchell-Smith (34), musician Anne-Sophie Mutter (40), actresses Amanda Donahoe (41) & Maria Conchata Alonso (46), actor Gary Busey (59), stop-motion animator Ray Harryhausen (83).

Monday 30 June	-	Montezuma, last emperor of Mexico (r.1502-20) died, 1520. London's Tower Bridge opened, 1894. Something exploded over Tunguska, Siberia, 1908. Mahatma Gandhi arrested in South Africa, 1914. Writer Nancy Mitford died, 1973. Actress Lana Turner died, 1995. Happy birthday to: musician Cheryl Tweedy (20), former world boxing champion Mike Tyson (37), actor Vincent D'Onofrio (44), oceanographic explorer Bob Ballard (61), musicians Tony Hatch (63) & Lena Horne (86). Today is: Independence Day in Zaire. Constitution Day in Mongolia.

Tuesday 1 July	-	Dominion of Canada formed, 1867. Start of the Bretton Woods Conference (would lead to the founding of the IMF and World Bank), 1944. Haleakala National Park established, Hawaii, 1961. DJ Wolfman Jack died, 1995. Barbra Streisand & James Brolin married, 1998. Walter Matthau died, 2000. Happy birthday to: actress Julianne Nicholson (32), athlete Carl Lewis (42), actor Dan Aykroyd (51), musician Deborah Harry (58), actresses Geneviève Bujold (61) & Jean Marsh (69). Today is: Dominion (aka Canada) Day in Canada. Independence Day in Burundi. Independence Day in Rwanda.

Wednesday 2 July	-	Thomas Cranmer born, 1489. Battle of Marston Moor, 1644. First flight of a Zeppelin airship, 1900. Amelia Earhart disappeared over the Pacific, 1937. Ernest Hemingway died, 1961. Betty Grable died, 1973. Happy birthday to: actress Sue Devaney (36), model Jerry Hall (47), musicians Roy Bittan (54) & Leapy Lee (61), Dr David Owen (65), actor Brock Peters (76). Today is: Il Palio race day in Siena.

Thursday 3 July	-	Quebec founded, 1608. Composer Leos Janacek born, 1854. The Pony Express made its first New York-San Francisco delivery, 1861. Novelist Franz Kafka born, 1883. Steam engine Mallard set a world record speed of 126mph, 1938. Raid on Entebbe, 1976. Happy birthday to: actresses Shawnee Smith (33), Connie Nielsen (38) & Yeardley Smith (39), former gymnast Susanne Dando (42), playwright Tom Stoppard (66), director Ken Russell (76). Today is: Admission Day (43rd state, 1890) in Idaho. Independence Day in Belarus.