The Friday Irregular

Volume 8, Number 15 (TFIr ^#197)

19^th September 2003

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Film/TV/CD Archive: http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/filmtv.txt & http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/cd-list.txt - 634 CDs, 2833 films (349 on DVD) and 10252 TV shows (670 on DVD), totalling 13085 items, at 26 August 2003.

FROM THE EDITOR'S CABIN

Avast, ye scurvy buccaneers who sail with the good ship Irregular this week, especially ye lubbers and tars aboard yer RRS Discovery, fer today be Talk Like a Pirate Day! Heave ho, me hearties and splice the mainbrace to the corsair life! Arrr!

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 19 September - Quaker, social reformer and chocolatier George Cadbury born, 1839. William Lever, 1st Viscount Leverhulme, soap manufacturer, born, 1851. Illustrator Arthur Rackham born, 1867. Car designer Professor Ferry Porsche born, 1909. Actress Frances Farmer born, 1913. Argentine president Juan Perón resigned & went into exile, 1955. Happy birthday to: model Victoria Silvstedt (29), actress Kim Richards (39), soccer player David Seaman (40), musician Jarvis Cocker (40), broadcaster Kate Adie (58), fashion designer Zandra Rhodes (63). Today is: Independence Day in St Kitts & Nevis. Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr!

Saturday 20 September - Magellan set off on the first successful circumnavigation of the world, 1519. James Dewar, inventor of the vacuum flask, born, 1842. Writer Upton Sinclair born, 1878. Liner the Queen Elizabeth 2 launched, 1967. Actor Roy Kinnear died, 1988. Raisa Gorbachev died, 1999. Happy birthday to: racing driver Juan Pablo Montoya (28), actress Mina Anwar (34), presenter Philippa Forrester (35), actor Gary Cole (47), actress Sophia Loren (69), jazz musician John Dankworth (76).

Sunday 21 September - Edward II (r.1307-27) murdered, 1327. Road surfacing inventor John McAdam born, 1756. Writer H.G. Wells born, 1866. J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" published, 1937. Nautilus, the first nuclear-powered submarine, commissioned, 1954. Haakon VII of Norway (r.1905-57) died, 1957. Happy birthday to: actor Luke Wilson (32), presenter Ricki Lake (35), musician Faith Hill (36), actor Rob Morrow (41), DJ Simon Mayo (45), writer Stephen King (56). Today is: Independence Day in Armenia. Independence Day in Belize. Independence Day in Malta. Thanksgiving Day in the Philippines.

Monday 22 September - Anne of Cleves, Henry VIII's fourth wife, born, 1515. Scientist Michael Faraday born, 1791. President Lincoln made his Emancipation Proclamation, 1863. Patent granted for the ice cream cone, 1903. Commercial television started in the UK, 1955. Actress Dorothy Lamour died, 1996. Happy birthday to: musician/actress Billie Piper (21), soccer player Ronaldo (27), musician Joan Jett (45), Olympic horseman Captain Mark Phillips (55), musician Toni Basil (60), writer Fay Weldon (72). Today is: Autumn Harvest Festival in Wheaton, Illinois. Anniversary of The Proclamation of the Republic in Mali.

Tuesday 23 September - William Stewart Halstead, founder of the first surgical school in the US, born, 1852. Novelist Emma, Baroness Orczy, born, 1865. Novelist Wilkie Collins died, 1889. Mack Sennett's first "Keystone Comedy" movie premiered, 1912. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud died, 1939. Juan Perón re-elected president of Argentina, 1973. Happy birthday to: actress Elizabeth Peña (42), actor Jason Alexander (44), musicians Bruce Springsteen (54), Julio Iglesias (60) & Ray Charles (73), actor Mickey Rooney (83). Today is: Autumnal Equinox. Grito de Lares in Puerto Rico. Kingdom Unification Day in Saudi Arabia. The last day of Virgo. First day of Fall/Autumn.

Wednesday 24 September - Physician Paracelsus died, 1541. First demonstration of a dirigible, 1852. Georges Claudes, inventor of the neon light, born, 1870. Novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald born, 1896. Muppets founder Jim Henson born, 1936. USS Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, launched, 1960. Happy birthday to: actress Megan Ward (34), soccer pundit Ally McCoist, actress Nia Vardalos & comedian Jack Dee (all 41), actor Kevin Sorbo (45), actor/Cyberleader David Banks (52). Today is: Public holiday in Bolivia. Feast of Our Lady Mary in the Dominican Republic & Peru. Third Republic Day in Ghana. Independence Day in Guinea-Bissau. Territorial Day in New Caledonia. National Heritage Day in South Africa. Republic Day in Trinidad & Tobago. Day of the Public Functionary in Venezuela. The first day of Libra.

Thursday 25 September - The Battle of Stamford Bridge, 1066. Vasco Nunez de Balboa became the first European to see the Pacific, 1513. US Congress proposed the Bill of Rights, 1789. Composer Johann Strauss the Elder died, 1849. Yosemite National Park established by Congress, 1890. Novelist William Faulkner born, 1897. Happy birthday to: actresses Clea DuVall (26), Catherine Zeta Jones (34) & Felicity Kendal (57), actor Michael Douglas (59), politician Sir Leon Brittan (64), actor Ronnie Barker (74). Today is: Day of the Armed Forces in Mozambique. Kamarampaka Day in Rwanda.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, W.S. Gilbert, from the libretto of The Pirates of Penzance:
It is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

FILM QUIZ

A treasure chest of quotations this week. Answers next week or from the regular address.

I am not a pirate! It so happens that I am a lawyer!

- "Take a cruise," you said! "See the world," you said! Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship!
- Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience!

You're off the end of the map, mate. Here there be monsters!

- Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!
- What?
- You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!

No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.

Last issue's connected lines were:

She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.
-- Say Anything, which starred John Cusack, as did

You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.
-- Being John Malkovich, which co-starred

They're not Chinese fighting muffins, they're blueberry!
-- Charlie's Angels' Cameron Diaz and Crispin Glover, who was in

Do you know where Riverside Drive is?
-- Back to the Future with Wendie Jo Sperber, who also appeared in

How can a man take a bowel movement with a hundred buffalo rifles a pointin' at 'im?
-- 1941

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUMB CRIMS... If you're going to create an alibi for drunk-driving by claiming to be someone famous, you should choose someone you resemble and who drives. A 50-something Dutch man stopped outside Baarn obviously didn't consider this when he told the traffic cop that he was the Pope - who is 83-years-old and suffering from Parkinson's Disease. There was, in fact, just one similarity - the pontiff can speak Dutch, but has a strong Polish accent when he does. The fake-Pope had his license confiscated. This week's dumbest crims, however, are a pair of would-be 7-Eleven convenience store robbers from Indiana, who entered the store, left, and then came back again, at which point one of them gave the clerk a hand-written note, the only legible part of which said "put it in the bag." The clerk handed it back saying that she couldn't understand it, at which point the robber said he couldn't either as it had been written by his friend. Then the two crims started arguing and left the store. They haven't gone back.

WITH GREAT POWER COMES, ER, LOTS OF SPARKS... With his blue spandex suit, gold briefs, gloves, cape, boots and safety goggles over his mask, Britain now has its "first wheel-clamp and speed camera vigilante cum subversive superhero philanthropist entertainer type person" (his words) in Angle Grinder Man. Anyone whose car has been clamped and doesn't want to pay the often-extortionate fines imposed by private clamping firms (he advises against removing Police clamps) only has to call AGM's hotline and out he comes, grinder at the ready to cut through the clamp. Like any good contemporary (if self-styled) super hero, AGM has his own website, at http://anglegrinderman.co.uk.

IT'S JUST GNOMES THAT GO A-WANDERING... 42-year-old Helen Bevan, from Tondu, South Wales, decorated her back garden last Christmas with a 5-ft inflatable snowman, only for him to go missing in early December. Then, on Christmas night there was a knock on her door and she found the snowman standing on the doorstep with a VHS tape taped to his body. The tape showed him drinking and playing snooker in a pub, shopping and trying to get into a prison and a police station. Soon after this, he disappeared again and this year Mrs Bevan has received postcards from Antigua, Thailand, Malaysia, Mexico, Hong Kong and Antigua, complaining about the heat and relating his travels, all signed "all my love, Frosty".

WORTHLESS CURRENCY... A Food Lion store clerk in Roanoke, North Carolina, accepted a forged US$200 bill from a man buying US$150 of groceries. This was no standard forgery, however. To begin with, there is no such thing as a US$200 denomination note, but the clerk also failed to spot that it bore a picture of President George W. Bush, a picture of the White House with signs staked in the lawn saying things like "We like ice cream" and "USA deserves tax cuts", the signature of "Former Political Mentor" Ronald Reagan or the serial number - DUBYA4U2001.

ANIMAL ROUND-UP... Four more giant squid washed up, this time in Spain (TFIrs passim) - shockwaves from Spanish Navy experiments blamed for their deaths. Russian planning to create rabbit milk farms. Swiss police dog fired for biting an innocent bystander at the scene of a crime. Cheetah on the loose in Vancouver. Man stopped at Singapore Airport with 40 snakes in his trousers. Parrot escapes from Newcastle home, finds its way to a church where it squawks obscenities during service. 1,500lb, 9-foot-long guinea pig ancestor fossil found in Venezuela.

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: Seattle voters reject plans to fund day care centres for the children of poor families by adding 10c to the price of a cup of coffee. Oklahoma town of Agra (temporarily) renames itself Viagra after country radio station The Twister offers free concert tickets to the entire town if they meet the challenge. 2kg hairball surgically removed from Turkish girl's stomach. Tesco supermarket chain launching Tandoori-flavoured Cheddar cheese, considering Thai, Chinese and fish-and-chips. Bolshoi Ballet fires prima ballerina because her love of ice cream made her too heavy to lift. Seven Romanian witches place curse (to lose the power to whistle amongst other things) on the Swiss soccer referee they feel responsible for their country's loss against Denmark in the European Championships. Study finds Canadians more conscientious than Americans about washing their hands in airport restrooms. Scientific study of near-death out-of-body experiences planned. German cuts off friend's thumb and forefinger with chainsaw to scam insurance payment. World's oldest woman - Japan's Kamato Hango - turns 116.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Film: Vatican defends Mel Gibson's death-of-Christ film. Benjamin Bratt signs on to Halle Berry-starring Catwoman. Colin Farrell's son born. Calendar Girls tops UK box office. Once Upon a Time in Mexico tops US box office. Johnny Depp to star in The Rum Diaries (his second movie - after Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - based on a Hunter S Thompson novel). Italian Job gets British premiere - now being described as an "homage" rather than a remake. Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen expecting first child together. Jane Campion's In The Cut to open London Film Festival. Giant sculpture of Alfred Hitchcock's head unveiled at Gainsborough Studios, London, where he started his career. London's Science Museum draws huge crowds for Lord of the Rings exhibit.

TV: Channel 4 to launch Freeview channel in 2004/2005. Five agrees deal to make TV versions of Enid Blyton classics [Starting with The Famous Five? -Ed]. TV screenwriter Kay Mellor offers reward for stolen script. Government report on planned Carlton/Granada merger due in early October. ABC planning to continue hit John Ritter sitcom 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter following star's sudden death; his character will also die. Tony Ball likely to step down as BSkyB Chief Executive, probably to be replaced by owner Rupert Murdoch's son James. MPs want UK TV firms to back films. Breathless last-minute David Blaine update... he's still sitting in the box, boring the Great British public, most of whom (presumably those who think he's not faking) think he won't stay there for the full 44 days according to bookmakers. Sir David Frost making US TV satire for PBS about US-UK relationship.

Music & Radio: Mel C likely to have difficulty walking for up to 18 months after TV sports show injury. Britney Spears voted Worst Dressed pop star by People magazine, walks out of TV interview over diet pills question. Beyonce Knowles' second album planned for February. Eminem, Dr Dre sued by 70-year-old woman claiming they sampled her late husband for The Slim Shady LP. U2 to release DVD of Slane Castle gig. Dandy Warhols announce UK shows. 60s music legend Gerry Marsden recovering from heart surgery. Texas to play G-A-Y September 27. Johnny Cash & Warren Zevon US album sales surging following their deaths. Simon & Garfunkel reunion gigs sell out. Beatles' Apple Corps suing Apple Computers over use of name to promote music through iTunes. RIAA lawsuits have had no noticeable effect on file-sharing.

Books: Offical Chinese Harry Potter 5 goes on sale early to thwart pirates. Madonna launches her first children's book, says she's never heard of Enid Blyton, but her favourite books as a child were Winnie the Pooh and the Narnia series. David Beckham autobiography set to be UK's second-biggest selling book for 2003. Booker Prize shortlist dominated by women and first-time authors - favourite to win is previous winner Margaret Atwood. Jeffrey Archer likely to lose peerage under proposed new laws on convicted criminals' eligibility for the House of Lords.

Obits: actor John Ritter (54), musician Johnny Cash (71), US TV pioneer & quiz show host Mike Stokey (84), composer Gordon Binkerd (87), former Fleischer Studios artist/scriptwriter (who coined Superman's "father than a speeding bullet...") Jay Morton (92).

TECH BRIEFS

UK anti-spam law passed, will take effect December 11. Warning of next Internet worm code being circulated in China. Scottish businesses being offered grants to increase broadband uptake. BT planning to install wi-fi in 200 phone boxes. AOL Time Warner drops 'AOL' name. BBC pioneering fully digital TV production. XBox hit FPS Halo to get PC release 10 October. World PS2 sales pass 60 million. Yahoo Messenger to follow MSN and block third-party apps like Trillian. Critical Sendmail flaw patch issued. Windows 'Swen' worm poses as legitimate MS security patch. US House of Representatives vote to make ban on Internet use tax permanent.

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Ahoy, shipmates, there be but one port to set course for on the web this week, and ye'll walk the plank if ye don't tie up there smartly!
http://www.talklikeapirate.com

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
6, 7, 13, 20, 45 & 46.
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

AND FINALLY...

How much do pirates pay to get their ears pierced?
A buccaneer!

...end of line

Friday 19 September	-	Quaker, social reformer and chocolatier George Cadbury born, 1839. William Lever, 1st Viscount Leverhulme, soap manufacturer, born, 1851. Illustrator Arthur Rackham born, 1867. Car designer Professor Ferry Porsche born, 1909. Actress Frances Farmer born, 1913. Argentine president Juan Perón resigned & went into exile, 1955. Happy birthday to: model Victoria Silvstedt (29), actress Kim Richards (39), soccer player David Seaman (40), musician Jarvis Cocker (40), broadcaster Kate Adie (58), fashion designer Zandra Rhodes (63). Today is: Independence Day in St Kitts & Nevis. Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr!

Saturday 20 September	-	Magellan set off on the first successful circumnavigation of the world, 1519. James Dewar, inventor of the vacuum flask, born, 1842. Writer Upton Sinclair born, 1878. Liner the Queen Elizabeth 2 launched, 1967. Actor Roy Kinnear died, 1988. Raisa Gorbachev died, 1999. Happy birthday to: racing driver Juan Pablo Montoya (28), actress Mina Anwar (34), presenter Philippa Forrester (35), actor Gary Cole (47), actress Sophia Loren (69), jazz musician John Dankworth (76).

Sunday 21 September	-	Edward II (r.1307-27) murdered, 1327. Road surfacing inventor John McAdam born, 1756. Writer H.G. Wells born, 1866. J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" published, 1937. Nautilus, the first nuclear-powered submarine, commissioned, 1954. Haakon VII of Norway (r.1905-57) died, 1957. Happy birthday to: actor Luke Wilson (32), presenter Ricki Lake (35), musician Faith Hill (36), actor Rob Morrow (41), DJ Simon Mayo (45), writer Stephen King (56). Today is: Independence Day in Armenia. Independence Day in Belize. Independence Day in Malta. Thanksgiving Day in the Philippines.

Monday 22 September	-	Anne of Cleves, Henry VIII's fourth wife, born, 1515. Scientist Michael Faraday born, 1791. President Lincoln made his Emancipation Proclamation, 1863. Patent granted for the ice cream cone, 1903. Commercial television started in the UK, 1955. Actress Dorothy Lamour died, 1996. Happy birthday to: musician/actress Billie Piper (21), soccer player Ronaldo (27), musician Joan Jett (45), Olympic horseman Captain Mark Phillips (55), musician Toni Basil (60), writer Fay Weldon (72). Today is: Autumn Harvest Festival in Wheaton, Illinois. Anniversary of The Proclamation of the Republic in Mali.

Tuesday 23 September	-	William Stewart Halstead, founder of the first surgical school in the US, born, 1852. Novelist Emma, Baroness Orczy, born, 1865. Novelist Wilkie Collins died, 1889. Mack Sennett's first "Keystone Comedy" movie premiered, 1912. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud died, 1939. Juan Perón re-elected president of Argentina, 1973. Happy birthday to: actress Elizabeth Peña (42), actor Jason Alexander (44), musicians Bruce Springsteen (54), Julio Iglesias (60) & Ray Charles (73), actor Mickey Rooney (83). Today is: Autumnal Equinox. Grito de Lares in Puerto Rico. Kingdom Unification Day in Saudi Arabia. The last day of Virgo. First day of Fall/Autumn.

Wednesday 24 September	-	Physician Paracelsus died, 1541. First demonstration of a dirigible, 1852. Georges Claudes, inventor of the neon light, born, 1870. Novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald born, 1896. Muppets founder Jim Henson born, 1936. USS Enterprise, the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, launched, 1960. Happy birthday to: actress Megan Ward (34), soccer pundit Ally McCoist, actress Nia Vardalos & comedian Jack Dee (all 41), actor Kevin Sorbo (45), actor/Cyberleader David Banks (52). Today is: Public holiday in Bolivia. Feast of Our Lady Mary in the Dominican Republic & Peru. Third Republic Day in Ghana. Independence Day in Guinea-Bissau. Territorial Day in New Caledonia. National Heritage Day in South Africa. Republic Day in Trinidad & Tobago. Day of the Public Functionary in Venezuela. The first day of Libra.

Thursday 25 September	-	The Battle of Stamford Bridge, 1066. Vasco Nunez de Balboa became the first European to see the Pacific, 1513. US Congress proposed the Bill of Rights, 1789. Composer Johann Strauss the Elder died, 1849. Yosemite National Park established by Congress, 1890. Novelist William Faulkner born, 1897. Happy birthday to: actresses Clea DuVall (26), Catherine Zeta Jones (34) & Felicity Kendal (57), actor Michael Douglas (59), politician Sir Leon Brittan (64), actor Ronnie Barker (74). Today is: Day of the Armed Forces in Mozambique. Kamarampaka Day in Rwanda.