The Friday Irregular

Volume 9, Number 15 (TFIr ^#222)

23^rd April 2004

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FAQ: http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/scblfaq.htm (last updated 20 February 2003)

UndeadCam: http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/undead/ (last updated 11 February 2004)

Film/TV/CD Archive: http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/filmtv.txt & http://gizmo1.demon.co.uk/scblbiog/cd-list.txt - 646 CDs, 2,941 films (409 on DVD) and 10,913 TV shows (879 on DVD) totalling 13,854 items, at 7 April 2004.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 23 April - First performance of Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1597. Coronation of Charles II, 1661. Composer Sergei Prokofiev born, 1891. Actor William Hartnell died, 1975. Intel announced the Pentium 4 processor, 2001. Happy birthday to: actress Judy Davis (49), filmmaker Michael Moore (50), actress Sandra Dee (62), actor Lee Majors (65), actress turned diplomat Shirley Temple Black (76). Today is: Independence Day in the Conch Republic. Peppercorn Day in Bermuda. Biertag (Beer Day) in Germany. Saint George's Day in England (celebrated as St Jordi's Day in Catalonia). UNESCO International Day of the Book.

Saturday 24 April - Writer Daniel Defoe died, 1731. Novelist Anthony Trollope born, 1815. The US Library of Congress established, 1846. IBM introduced its first PC, 1981. Wallis Simpson, wife of the Duke of Windsor, died, 1986. Happy birthday to: cricketer Sachin Tendulkar (31), actor Djimon Hounsou (40), computer games creator Jeff Minter (42), designer Jean-Paul Gaultier (52), writer/broadcaster Sir Clement Freud (80). Today is: Martyrs' Day in Armenia.

Sunday 25 April - Author Anna Sewell died, 1878. Singer Ella Fitzgerald born, 1919. Official opening of the St Lawrence Seaway, 1959. Robert Noyce granted the patent for the first integrated circuit, 1961. Pioneer 10 passed outside Pluto's orbit, 1983. Deployment of the Hubble Space Telescope, 1990. Happy birthday to: actress Renée Zellweger (35), Dutch soccer trainer Johann Cruyff (57), actor Al Pacino (64), composer Jerry Leiber (71), former Harlem Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon (72). Today is: ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, Samoa & Tonga. Liberation Day in Italy. Revolution Day in Portugal. Celebration of Haile Selassie's visit to Jamaica (Rastafarian). Formula 1: European Grand Prix.

Monday 26 April - Writer A.E. van Vogt born, 1912. The Luftwaffe bombed Guernica in the Spanish Civil War, 1937. The Chernobyl nuclear disaster, 1986. First multiracial elections in South Africa, 1994. Musician Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes died, 2002. Happy birthday to: actor Jet Li (41), musician Roger Taylor (44), actress Koo Stark (48), composer Giorgio Moroder (64), actress Carol Burnett (69). Today is: Confederate Memorial Day in Florida, Georgia, Alabama & Mississippi. Fast Day in Maine. Union Day in Tanzania.

Tuesday 27 April - Edward I defeated the Scots at Dunbar, 1296. Historian Edward Gibbon born, 1737. Essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson died, 1882. Opening of the London summer Olympics, 1908. Xerox PARC introduced the computer mouse, 1981. Happy birthday to: musician Sheena Easton (45), playwright August Wilson (59), actress Anouk Aimée & DJ Casey Kasem (both 72), actor Jack Klugman (82). Today is: Freedom Day in South Africa. Independence Day in Togo. Independence Day in Sierra Leone. National Day in Yugoslavia. First Quarter Moon.

Wednesday 28 April - The Mutiny on the Bounty, 1789. Oskar Schindler born, 1908. Writer Alistair MacLean born, 1922. Zip the Pinhead (William Henry Johnson) died, 1926. Thor Heyerdahl's Kon-Tiki expedition set out from Peru, 1947. Happy birthday to: actresses Jessica Alba (23) & Penélope Cruz (30), comedian Jay Leno (54), writer Terry Pratchett (56), actress Ann-Margret (63). Today is: Feast of Jamál (Bahá'í)

Thursday 29 April - James Cook discovered Botany Bay, Australia, 1770. Publisher William Randolph Hearst born, 1863. US troops liberated Dachau, 1945. Muhammed Ali stripped of his boxing title after refusing the military draft, 1967. Director Alfred Hitchcock died, 1980. Happy birthday to: actress Uma Thurman & tennis player Andre Agassi (both 34), cricketer Phil Tufnell (38), actress Kate Mulgrew (49), conspiracist David Icke (52). Today is: Greenery Day in Japan. Start of the Badminton Horse Trials (ends Sunday).

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Alfred Hitchcock:
If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for the body in the coach.

TOTALLY TRIVIAL...

Twenty years after the mutiny on the Bounty (215 years ago this Wednesday) Captain William Bligh was the target of another mutiny. While he was the Governor of New South Wales he tried to stop the colony's rum trade, but British officers took him captive and forced him to resign.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations this week. Answers next week or from the regular address.

You don't like it you can kiss my furry little butt.

American planes will always be superior as long as there are wonderful men like you in the cockpit. And German parts.

You went on a trip to Mars, remember?

Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

The Statue is a gift from French citizens and has come to symbolise hope for naked women everywhere...

Last issue's lines were:

Mr. Meeks, learn to inherit the earth.
-- Dead Poets Society

I came here to be at one with nature, well I got what I wanted. Now I have to live with it.
-- Dog Soldiers

Wow, he just made the international sign of the doughnut.
-- Mars Attacks

When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the line of darkness. Whether they are clean or not.
-- Spice World

Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?
-- The Outlaw Josey Wales

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUMB CRIMS... Sometimes it pays to own up, as 65-year-old former Royal Air Force employee Ernie Roscout discovered when he returned a library book to Malta's public library 42 years after accidentally packing it in his belongings when he left the island - library staff gave him a cup of coffee instead of a fine, in the hope that "perhaps this story will encourage others to bring back overdue books," according to librarian Joe Debattista. This week's Dumb Crim of the Week is the unnamed Birmingham, Alabama, man, who determined to rob a bank, but turned up before it opened, so he waited in the queue outside, got bored and started openly checking his gun - in plain sight of CCTV cameras and a police cruiser parked beside him. Other dumb crims we noted include a German purse snatcher, who was knocked out cold with a wok by an Asian cook who saw him running from a shop; the Philadelphia woman charged with making a false report after claiming that a Superior Court building's toilet paper was poisoned; New Hampshire woman crashes her car into a police speed warning trailer; Pittsburgh man phones KFC restaurant, says he's a policeman warning them that a robber is on the way and they should co-operate with the man so nobody would get hurt as police planned to arrest him when he left, then robs the restaurant himself.

IT'S RAINING MEN... After the item in a recent issue about the British gymnast who survived a four-storey fall with just minor injuries, a South African man - Nicholas du Plooy - has gone several floors better, by surviving a 19th floor fall, bouncing off the metal roofing sheets above the reception entrance of the Cape Town Ritz Hotel this week. Although he broke both arms and a leg, and injured his neck, du Plooy was conscious and able to call for help.

BIN IT... Some time ago we reported that Berlin was considering introducing talking bins to encourage people to throw away their rubbish instead of just dropping it on the street. Five different versions have now been put in place, with solar panels to power them and photo sensors to detect when rubbish is deposited. The models include Hitlist Harry, which bursts into song, Smart Susie which thanks people in English, French and Japanese, and Siggi Sport, which shots a soccer-style "Goal, Goal, Goooaaaal!"

SPORTS ROUND-UP... Romanian soccer team Universitatea Craiova's owner threatens them with having to attend a classical music concert if they lose their next match. US, UK nuclear sub crews play soccer at the north pole after joint exercise. Dorset man places GBP2 bet on six horses, watches them all win at overall odds of 105,729-1, pockets GBP878,939. Czech National Opera debuts "Nagano," an opera about their national ice hockey team's victory at the 1998 Winter Olympics.

ANIMAL ROUND-UP... West Midlands Safari Park rhino tries to mate with Renault Laguna. Japanese, Korean scientists create fatherless mouse. Dog saves hiking owner from brown bear attack by biting the bear's backside. Giant squid caught off the Falklands, headed for London's Natural History Museum.

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: Brain scans suggest that some food may stimulate the same areas as addictive narcotics, so chocolate- or pizza-addiction may well be real. Still on the medical front, a Tarpon Springs man in hospital for abdominal pains found his I-V malfunctioning, so he pressed the call button to summon a nurse, but nobody came; he shouted, but still nobody came, so he grabbed the telephone and dialled 911 to ask the dispatcher to call the hospital. Wannabe J.Lo South African woman's buttock implants explode. Wisconsin policeman wins Dunkin' Donuts World Cop Donut Eating Championship by downing 9 1/2 doughnuts in three minutes. Hawaii exporting seawater to Japan, where the desalinated deep-sea water is considered a dietary supplement. Website for the cloning movie Godsend fools anti-cloning activists into creating online petition against fictional fertility clinic.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Film: Star Wars trilogy DVD set to include behind-the-scenes footage of Episode III's Darth Vader costume. Kill Bill: Vol. 2 dominates US box office, The Passion of the Christ falls back to ninth spot after Easter boost. Print of lost Valentino film Beyond the Rocks found in Holland. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl gets six MTV Movie Awards nominations. David Duchovny: second X Files movie to start filming within a year. Richard Kelly to make extended version of Donnie Darko. Shrek 2, Ladykillers entered for Cannes Film Festival competition. Spielberg to direct movie based on 1972 Munich Olympics massacre aftermath, Ben Kingsley signed. Howard Stern backing Porky's remake. David Hasselhoff intending to make Knight Rider movie. Carrie-Anne Moss signs for Mission: Impossible 3. John Malkovich joins Hitchhiker's Guide. Total Film magazine names Lawrence of Arabia the greatest film of all time. Franciscans petition Mel Gibson to make St Francis of Assisi biopic. MGM in buyout talks. Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed tops UK box office.

TV: Seth Green lands guest spot on Sesame Street. Warner Bros, Hewlett-Packard to restore old TV recordings to modern broadcast quality standards. Resigned BBC Director General Greg Dyke receives standing ovation at BAFTA TV awards. Five to screen Caesarian section birth. Ricky Gervais to reunite The Office cast for new school-set sitcom. Michael Parkinson signs for two more years of his BBC chat show. Simon Cowell, Angus Deayton sign deals with ITV. Channel 4's abortion broadcast draws 1.5 million viewers, 10 complaints. Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders to make first series for six years (they have made one-off Christmas specials in that time). Aussie soap Neighbours gets US debut. AOL, Time Warner to launch US cable channel.

Music & Radio: Michael Jackson indicted by Grand Jury, will plead innocent to child abuse charges. Sheryl Crow to play 40-minute in-flight gig May to promote Sony's online music service. Lawsuits flying between Warner Music and Madonna's Maverick label. Robbie Williams rules out Take That reunion gig. Brett Anderson to play solo gig in May. Johnny Vaughan takes over Capital FM breakfast show. Terry Wogan, Chris Moyles up for Sony broadcaster award. Kurt Cobain biopic in the works. Online campaign likely to get Marillion single into UK top five.

Books: Douglas Coupland to give rehearsed monologue at Royal Shakespeare Company. TV actor Neil Morrissey buys Dylan Thomas' inspiral pub at auction. Unseen final part of the forged Hitler Diaries to be auctioned.

Obits: rockabilly musician Ray Condo (53), manga filmmaker Mitsuteru Yokoyama (69), film director Tim Burstall (76), Guinness Book of Records cofounder Norris McWhirter (78), musician Paul Hamburger (83), children's author Gweneth Lilly (83), violinist Lorand Fenyves (86), LIFE photographer Rex Simpson Hardy (88), documentary filmmaker John Goodell (94), actor David Clarke (95).

TECH BRIEFS

Sony, Toppan Printing Co. announce 51% paper digital Blu-Ray disc with up to five times the capacity of DVDs. Toshiba breaks 100GB capacity for laptop hard drives. IBM slowly migrating internal systems to Linux. Hackers break into official Indonesian elections website, change party names. VIA removes all lead from its motherboards to meet recycling laws. EU to spend 50m euros over four years to promote internet filtering, hotlines to protect children. eBay reports near-double profits. Amazon profits rise. Flaw in Cisco routers could cripple the Internet. Legal Napster July European launch claimed still on target despite no license deals yet. Denmark, Britain, most clued-up net countries. Russia develops foot-operated mouse for disabled users. UK Advertising Standards Authority reports huge surge in complaints about online ads. Apparently 80% of Britons are now in favour of biometric ID cards, believing false government spin about blocking illegal immigrants, but nearly 60% think the government will mess up any implementation, and few are prepared to pay up to GBP35 for their card. Opera releases 7.50 beta browser for all supported platforms.

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

This week, a site for fans of television. EpGuides offers a comprehensive collection of episode guides for lots of shows. We refer to this site extensively here at Lamont Towers and there have only been a handful of shows - almost all obscure ones - that we couldn't find a guide for:
http://epguides.com/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
2, 10, 19, 29, 34 & 36.
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

AND FINALLY...

Things Mum Would Never Say:

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.

Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery.

Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week!

Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.

The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve.

Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve later.

Leave your homework for a bit, the game's about to start on the TV.

No need to tidy your room, I'm sure you know where everything is.

...end of line

Friday 23 April	-	First performance of Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1597. Coronation of Charles II, 1661. Composer Sergei Prokofiev born, 1891. Actor William Hartnell died, 1975. Intel announced the Pentium 4 processor, 2001. Happy birthday to: actress Judy Davis (49), filmmaker Michael Moore (50), actress Sandra Dee (62), actor Lee Majors (65), actress turned diplomat Shirley Temple Black (76). Today is: Independence Day in the Conch Republic. Peppercorn Day in Bermuda. Biertag (Beer Day) in Germany. Saint George's Day in England (celebrated as St Jordi's Day in Catalonia). UNESCO International Day of the Book.

Saturday 24 April	-	Writer Daniel Defoe died, 1731. Novelist Anthony Trollope born, 1815. The US Library of Congress established, 1846. IBM introduced its first PC, 1981. Wallis Simpson, wife of the Duke of Windsor, died, 1986. Happy birthday to: cricketer Sachin Tendulkar (31), actor Djimon Hounsou (40), computer games creator Jeff Minter (42), designer Jean-Paul Gaultier (52), writer/broadcaster Sir Clement Freud (80). Today is: Martyrs' Day in Armenia.

Sunday 25 April	-	Author Anna Sewell died, 1878. Singer Ella Fitzgerald born, 1919. Official opening of the St Lawrence Seaway, 1959. Robert Noyce granted the patent for the first integrated circuit, 1961. Pioneer 10 passed outside Pluto's orbit, 1983. Deployment of the Hubble Space Telescope, 1990. Happy birthday to: actress Renée Zellweger (35), Dutch soccer trainer Johann Cruyff (57), actor Al Pacino (64), composer Jerry Leiber (71), former Harlem Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon (72). Today is: ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, Samoa & Tonga. Liberation Day in Italy. Revolution Day in Portugal. Celebration of Haile Selassie's visit to Jamaica (Rastafarian). Formula 1: European Grand Prix.

Monday 26 April	-	Writer A.E. van Vogt born, 1912. The Luftwaffe bombed Guernica in the Spanish Civil War, 1937. The Chernobyl nuclear disaster, 1986. First multiracial elections in South Africa, 1994. Musician Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes died, 2002. Happy birthday to: actor Jet Li (41), musician Roger Taylor (44), actress Koo Stark (48), composer Giorgio Moroder (64), actress Carol Burnett (69). Today is: Confederate Memorial Day in Florida, Georgia, Alabama & Mississippi. Fast Day in Maine. Union Day in Tanzania.

Tuesday 27 April	-	Edward I defeated the Scots at Dunbar, 1296. Historian Edward Gibbon born, 1737. Essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson died, 1882. Opening of the London summer Olympics, 1908. Xerox PARC introduced the computer mouse, 1981. Happy birthday to: musician Sheena Easton (45), playwright August Wilson (59), actress Anouk Aimée & DJ Casey Kasem (both 72), actor Jack Klugman (82). Today is: Freedom Day in South Africa. Independence Day in Togo. Independence Day in Sierra Leone. National Day in Yugoslavia. First Quarter Moon.

Wednesday 28 April	-	The Mutiny on the Bounty, 1789. Oskar Schindler born, 1908. Writer Alistair MacLean born, 1922. Zip the Pinhead (William Henry Johnson) died, 1926. Thor Heyerdahl's Kon-Tiki expedition set out from Peru, 1947. Happy birthday to: actresses Jessica Alba (23) & Penélope Cruz (30), comedian Jay Leno (54), writer Terry Pratchett (56), actress Ann-Margret (63). Today is: Feast of Jamál (Bahá'í)

Thursday 29 April	-	James Cook discovered Botany Bay, Australia, 1770. Publisher William Randolph Hearst born, 1863. US troops liberated Dachau, 1945. Muhammed Ali stripped of his boxing title after refusing the military draft, 1967. Director Alfred Hitchcock died, 1980. Happy birthday to: actress Uma Thurman & tennis player Andre Agassi (both 34), cricketer Phil Tufnell (38), actress Kate Mulgrew (49), conspiracist David Icke (52). Today is: Greenery Day in Japan. Start of the Badminton Horse Trials (ends Sunday).