The Friday Irregular
Volume 9, Number 25 (TFIr #232)  --  16th July 2004

Edited by and copyright ©2004 Simon Lamont

tfir@simonlamont.co.uk

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FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

I'm still having hand problems and trouble typing, so if next week's Irregular goes ahead it will probably be a mini-issue. The Daily will continue uninterrupted.

KUDOS

Thanks to Jennifer P., Jen T. and DaveR for contributing to this issue.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 16 July -  Painter Francis Cotes died, 1770. Antarctic explorer Roald Amundsen born, 1872. First successful nuclear bomb detonation at Trinity site, New Mexico, 1945. Apollo 11 launched, 1969. Saddam Hussein became President of Iraq, 1979. Happy birthday to: actor Corey Feldman (33), musician Fatboy Slim & actress Phoebe Cates (both 41), playwright Tony Kushner (48), musician Stewart Copeland (52). Today is: President's Day (2nd day of holiday) in Botswana. Independence Day in Ukraine. Kent County Show (ends Sunday). Start of the BBC Proms season (ends 11 September). Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel (Catholic).
 
Saturday 17 July -  Hymnwriter Isaac Watts born, 1674. Catherine II became Tzar of Russia, 1762. Start of the Klondike gold rush, 1897. Disneyland opened, 1955. Jazz musician John Coltrane died, 1967. Happy birthday to: TV presenter Konnie Huq (29), actor David Hasselhoff (52), comedian Tim Brooke-Taylor (62), actor Donald Sutherland & musician Diahann Carroll (69). Today is: Luis Muñoz Rivera's Birthday in Puerto Rico. Constitution Day in South Korea. Cumberland County Show. New Moon.
 
Sunday 18 July -  Great Fire of Rome, 64. Scientist Robert Hooke born, 1635. Artist Antoine Watteau died, 1721. Marie & Pierre Curie announced the discovery of polonium, 1898. Soufriere Hills volcano on Montserrat erupted, 1995. Happy birthday to: entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson (54), musician Martha Reeves (63), actor James Brolin (64), astronaut John Glenn (83), Nelson Mandela (86). Today is: Constitution Day in Uruguay. Feast of the Redeemer in Venice, Italy.
 
Monday 19 July -  Accused murderess Lizzie Borden born, 1860. France declared war on Prussia, 1870. Animator Max Fleischer born, 1883. London Olympics opened, 1948. Jeffrey Archer sentenced to four years jail for perjury and perverting the course of justice, 2001. Happy birthday to: actress Angela Griffin (28), actors Bodhi Elfman (35) & Anthony Edwards (42), director Atom Egoyan (44), musician Brian May (57). Today is: National Liberation Day in Nicaragua. Birthday of Yang di-Pertuan Besar of Ng Sembilan in Malaysia. Martyrs' Day in Myanmar. Royal Welsh Show (ends Thursday). Feast of St Vincent De Paul (Catholic).
 
Tuesday 20 July -  Revolutionary Pancho Villa assassinated, 1923. Actress Natalie Wood born, 1938. Neil Armstrong made the first moonwalk, 1969. Actor Bruce Lee died, 1973. Viking 1 landed on Mars, 1976. Happy birthday to: NHL ice hockey player Peter Forsberg (31), musician Carlos Santana (57), actress Dame Diana Rigg (66), French politician Jacques Delors (79), mountaineer Sir Edmund Hillary (85). Today is: Independence Day in Colombia. Umi-no-hi (Marine Day) in Japan. Peace and Freedom Day in North Cyprus. RHS Flower Show (ends Sunday).
 
Wednesday 21 July -  Battle of Falkirk, 1298. Writer Ernest Hemingway born, 1898. John T. Scopes found guilty of teaching evolution, 1925. Actor Basil Rathbone died, 1967. Aswan High Dam, Egypt, opened, 1970. Happy birthday to: comedians Jon Lovitz (47) & Robin Williams (52), cartoonist Garry Trudeau & musician Cat Stevens (both 56), director Tony Scott (60). Today is: Liberation Day in Guam. Martyrs' Day in Bolivia. National holiday in Belgium.
 
Thursday 22 July -  Second Roanoke colony established, 1587. Artist Edward Hopper born, 1882. Bank robber John Dillinger shot dead, 1934. Mariner 1 space probe failed shortly after launch, 1962. US withdrew from the Kyoto Protocol on greenhouse gas reductions, 2001. Happy birthday to: actor Willem Dafoe (49), musician Don Henley & actor Danny Glover (both 57), game show host Alex Trebek (64), actress Louise Fletcher (70). Today is: Pi Approximation Day. Ratcatcher's Day in Hamelin, Germany. Cricket: Start of the 1st Test, England v West Indies, at Lord's.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, the plaque marking the landing site of Armstrong and Aldrin:
Here men from the planet Earth first set foot on the moon, July 1969 A.D. We came in peace for all mankind.

TOTALLY TRIVIAL...

Yesterday (the 15th) was St. Swithun's Day, a day when superstitious British folk watch the weather. Swithun was Bishop of Winchester in 852, and asked that he be buried outside when he died (which he did on 2 July 862) so that the "sweet rain of heaven" could fall on his grave. In 971 church authorities decided that it would be more fitting if his remains were moved to a shrine inside the cathedral, but their plans were delayed by 40 days of torrential rain, which many took as a sign of St Swithun's displeasure at the idea. Superstition has it that if rains on St Swithun's Day (as it did across much of Britain this year), it will rain for the next 40 days.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations this week. Answers next week or from the regular address.

Last issue's lines were:


WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUMB CRIMS... This week's Dumb Crim of the Week is the East Lansing, Michigan, man who unscrewed an art gallery skylight and lowered himself down on a rope but then found he could not climb back up. Security detected him as soon as he entered the gallery, and footage showed him lowering himself to the floor, being unable to climb back out, realising he was locked in and finally using the internal phone system to call the police. Other dumb crims this week include: the Tennessee police woman who accidentally shot her brother in a dispute over a tub of butter; the man who broke into a car to steal a 1000 Euro (GBP670, US$1200) note from the dashboard, only to be arrested and told that there is no such denomination note and it was a fake created for a company promotion; the German who reported a chat-line worker to police after an all-night flirting session cost him a 5,800 Euro (GBP3,900, US7,200) phone bill, and the British man who drank 15 pints of beer, accidentally shot himself in the groin with a sawn-off shotgun when he tried carrying it stuck down the front of his trousers, and was subsequently jailed for five years for possession of an illegal firearm.

I WASN'T DRINKING, OFFICER, I WAS FOLLOWING THE ROAD MARKINGS... Hampshire County Council, England, has been forced to admit that road markings which left a straight white line down one side of a road and a line that wobbled up to sixty centimetres on the other was due to creases and folds on the map staff were using to paint them, and which made some of the measurements look like '3's or '2's instead of '8's.

CASE DISMISSED... 47-year-old Romania lawyer Sandu Gurguiatu has brought hundreds of labour lawsuits to trial in the last three years, all because he fell in love with Judge Elena Lala the first time he saw her in court. Sadly for him, Judge Lala is married, and not amused, although Gurguiatu has always conducted himself professionally in her presence, being too nervous to tell her how he felt.

SPORTS ROUND-UP... German Olympic equestrian books month of solarium sessions for her horse to acclimatise it to heat in readiness for Athens. Spanish marathon runners race round Madrid underground system.

ANIMAL ROUND-UP... Ducks found to quack with regional accents. Kitten rescued from water more than three miles off Florida coast. Bhutan mule reportedly give birth. Dutch zoo gives assertiveness training to shy moose. German police use ball-point pen tube to successfully give artificial respiration to dwarf rabbit rescued from house fire. Scotland launches ambulance service for stranded whales and dolphins.

WEIRD WAR NEWS ... French airport officials seize plastic toy Peter Pan swords from two-year-old twins returning from trip to EuroDisney with their parents. Survey of Hungarian school children's least popular foreigners finds George W. Bush hated more than either Saddam Hussein, Usama Bin Laden and Josef Stalin; only Hitler was more disliked (Bush also topped the most-liked poll, just ahead of Pope John Paul II).

ON THE MOVE... Eleven teams of Dutch pensioners will race around the Zandvoort Formula 1 circuit on electric buggies later this month to promote mobility for the elderly. Top speed will be a zippy 7mph (11kph).

STORIES WHICH ALSO CAUGHT OUR EYE THIS WEEK: Chinese Star Trek fan gets plastic surgery to have pointed Spock ears. German man fills home with lit candles to impress girlfriend, burns house down. American tourist in Germany gets lost - police find he was using a 1914 guide book. Lump of mud from this year's Glastonbury festival sells on eBay for GBP490 (US$910) (Other notable eBayed items include water from the Princess Diana Memorial fountain). Norwegian art dealer who bought a painting just for the frame finds the picture could be worth GBP35m (US$64m). Man sues ex-girlfriend for costs of chocolates he gave her. Man who converted his one-bedroom flat in Hinckly, Leicestershire, UK, into a Star Trek: The Next Generation environment, complete with LCARS, voice-activated lighting, transporter pads (with a full-size sound-effects-enabled console) and back-lit panels puts it on the market (on eBay) for GBP540,000 (about US$1m).


ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Film: Fahrenheit 9/11 smashes UK, France documentary box office record; Moore reconsidering making Blair movie. Daniel Radcliffe tipped for Sebastian Faulks' Birdsong. Sharon Stone drops lawsuit, signs on for Basic Instinct 2. Dan Glickman named as next Head of MPAA. Spiderman 2 breaks numerous US box office records after Independence Day weekend opening. Harvey Weinstein to leave Miramax, set up indie company. Extended Lord of the Rings trilogy to get limited UK cinema release in October. US DVD purchases up 30%, rentals down 20% on same time last year. McG pulls out of next Superman movie. Baz Luhrmann insists Alexander the Great film still going ahead. Chris de Burgh pays almost GBP30,00 (US$55,000) for the original Alien chest-burster prop. Shrek 2 holds UK box office. Clint Eastwood, Steven Spielberg to make film of WW2 Iwo Jima battle. George A. Romero to make fourth zombie flick. Jessica Alba to play Susan Storm in The Famous Four.

TV: David Hasselhoff to hit London stage in Chicago. ABC, NBC accuse Fox of copying their shows. HBO dominates Emmy nominations, with 21 nods for Angels in America alone. Double-etendre laden 1970s Britcom Are You Being Served? (and others) deemed too racy by PBS execs in post-Superbowl climate. ITV planning to bring back classic shows Inspector Morse (featuring Kevin Whately as Lewis, since Morse was killed off and John Thaw died), Rumpole of the Bailey (starring Albert Finney in the role made famous by the late Leo McKern) and Sharpe (Sean Bean is talks to resume the role). Fox planning US reality TV channel. Switch-off date for UK analogue radio to be announced later this year. David Ginola to join Holby City. Honor Blackman joins Coronation Street. Stefan Dennis returning to Neighbours as Paul Robinson after eleven-year absence.

Music & Radio: Lindsay Lohan signs to Casablanca Records. Will Smith to release album around Christmas. Virgin to revamp, re-release Janet Jackson's Damita Jo after poor sales. Busted to star in MTV reality show. Lost Beatles archive turns up in Melbourne flea market. Rough cut of next U2 album stolen. Jimmy Cliff to headline Cambridge Folk Festival. Usher retains UK singles chart top spot, denying 19th Elvis Presley #1. Bjork's Medulla album will be out August 30. Dido adds UK tour dates. The Darkness announce winter UK tour. Ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl join Nine Inch Nails. The Clash's London Calling to be re-released with previously-unreleased tracks.

Books: Chinese author Qian Fuchang to publish novel as series of 60 70-character SMS text messages. Jennifer Donnelly win Carnegie Medal for A Gathering Light. Shirley Hughes wins Kate Greenaway Medal for Ella's Big Chance.

Obits: actor Eric Douglas (46), Afro-rock musician Kiki Gyan (47), New York Dolls' bassist Arthur Kane (55), actor Jimmie Skaggs (59), TV director Charles Correll Jr (60), actor Colin McCormack (60), jazz bassist Arthur Harper Jr (65), filmmaker Mike Walker (72), playwright/screenwriter Peter Barnes (73), actress Frances Hyland (77), artist Gerald Trottier (78), cinematographer Carlo Di Palma (79), novelist Walter Wager (79), actor Marlon Brando (80), actor Chris Alcaide (81), actress Dorothy Hart (82), novelist Marcel Julian (82), screenwriter Tom Rowe (82), actor John Barron (83), actor Bernard Grant (83), poet Sophia Andreson (84), Prince Valiant illustrator John Cullen Murphy (85), actress Isabel Sanford (86).

TECH BRIEFS

Turbolinux 10F becomes first legal Linux DVD software. Sony planning portable media device to allow TV downloads. Yet more critical flaws found in Windows, MS urge users to update their systems. Apple profits surge thanks to 860,000 iPod sales in last quarter, iMac availability to drop for next few months ahead of new models. Google announces IPO floatation will be on Nasdaq. Doom III will launch for PCs August 2. Spiderman 2 tops UK games chart. US media, tech firms agree deal to allow limited personal DVD copies. ICSTIS to get stronger powers to combat rogue diallers. IE market share drops after major security alert. Still no release date for Longhorn (the next version of Windows), XP Service Pack 2 delayed. Security flaw found in Windows version of Mozilla browsers, patch/upgrades released. Xbox Live passes 1m users. MS to open Messenger to Yahoo, AIM. North Korea tests limited web portal. Lastminute.com to pull out of Nasdaq. Sony to demo Playstation 3 next May. BBC reviewing own sites for distinctiveness. UK, US, Australian govts collaborating to target spammers.

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

This week, a site celebrating the history of polar exploration:
http://www.south-pole.com/homepage.html

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:
5, 15, 18, 21, 33, & 43.
You can consult Madame Jennifer online at the Daily Irregular:
http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/

AND FINALLY...

Two university students were sitting and talking. Their conversation turned to living away from home and cooking.

"I bought a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it?" asked the second.

"You said it," the first replied, sighing into his beer, "Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and...'"


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