ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 14 May		-		Artist Thomas Gainsborough born, 1727. Edward Jenner administered the first smallpox vaccination, 1796. Henry John Heinz, founder of the '57 varieties' company, died, 1919. Publication of Virginia Woolf's Mrs Dalloway, 1925. Writer H. Rider Haggard died, 1925. Comedian Eric Morecambe born, 1926. Filmmaker George Lucas born, 1943. Skylab launched, 1973. Entertainer Frank Sinatra died, 1998. National Unification Day in Liberia.
Saturday 15 May		-		The trial of Anne Boleyn, 1536. Writer Charles Perrault died, 1703. Patent granted to James Puckle for the first machine gun, 1718. Writer L. Frank Baum born, 1856. Poet Emily Dickinson died, 1886. Boxer Jimmy Wilde born, 1892. Mickey Mouse made his debut in Plane Crazy, 1928. Tennis player Andy Murray born, 1987. Actor Ronald Lacey died, 1991. Teachers' Day in Mexico and South Korea.
Sunday 16 May		-		Saint Simon Stock died, 1265. Mary, Queen of Scots fled to England, 1568. Everard Digby, Gunpowder Plotter, born, 1578. Navigator William Adams died, 1620. Marriage of Edgar Allan Poe and his cousin Virginia, 1836. Actor Henry Fonda born, 1905. Junko Tabei became the first woman to conquer Mount Everest, 1975. Actress Melanie Lynsky born, 1977. Puppeteer Jim Henson died, 1990. Teachers' Day in Malaysia.
Monday 17 April		-		Artist Sandro Botticelli died, 1510. Joliet & Marquette started exploring the Mississippi River, 1673. Pirate Bartholomew Roberts born, 1682. Composer Erik Satie born, 1866. Running of the first Kentucky Derby, 1875. Blacksmith and plough manufacturer John Deere died, 1886. Collapse of the last Liberal government of Great Britain, 1915. Singer Andrea Corr born, 1974. Poet and writer T.K. Doraiswamy died, 2007. Navy Day in Argentina. World Information Society Day.
Tuesday 18 May		-		Poet Omar Khayyám born, 1048. Organist George Böhm died, 1733. The French Senate proclaimed Napopeon Bonaparte Emperor of the French, 1804. Philosopher Bertrand Russell born, 1872. Publication of Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1897. Composer Gustav Mahler died, 1911. Actress/musician Toyah Willcox born 1958. Mount St Helens erupted, 1980. Actress Jill Ireland died, 1990. World AIDS Vaccine Day. Victoria Day in Canada.
Wednesday 19 May		-		Anne Boleyn executed, 1536. New England's Dark Day, 1780. Philanthropist Johns Hokins born, 1795. Author Nathaniel Hawthorne died, 1864. Oscar Wilde released from Reading Gaol, 1897. Civil rights activist Malcolm X born, 1925. Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday to President Kennedy at a salute in New York City, 1962. Ace of Base singer Jenny Berggren born, 1972. Poet John Betjeman died, 1984. World Hepatitis Day.
Thursday 20 May		-		The First Council of Nicea convened, 325. Banker and arts patron Lorenzo de Medici died, 1503. Abraham Ortelius issued the first modern atlas, 1570. Inventor Sir William Congreve born, 1772. Mathematician William Emerson died, 1782. Novelist Honoré de Balzac born, 1799. Charles Lindbergh set off on his trans-Atlantic flight, 1927, and Amelia Earhart set off on hers, 1932. Singer Joe Cocker born, 1944. Actor Jon Pertwee died, 1996. Independence Day in East Timor. Everybody Draw Mohammed Day.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Edgar Allan Poe:

I have great faith in fools - my friends call it self-confidence.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next week or from the regular address.

• - You're the first man in five years who didn't tell me I look like Veronica Lake inside of a minute.
  - You look better than Veronica Lake.
• At my signal, unleash hell.
• - Did you lose a bet with your hairdresser?
  - No! I just like color!
• Charles always wanted to build bridges.
• George has fashioned me a metal finger tip, I am quite the town freak which satisfies!

Last issue's quotations were:

• Uhhh you have some lutefisk in your hair.
  -- Drop Dead Gorgeous [1999]
• Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young, Doctor.
  -- Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan [1982]
• I think it's safe to say that this party is about to become a historical fact.
  -- Some Kind of Wonderful [1987]
• No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!
  -- Howard the Duck [1986]
• We have murders in New York without benefit of ghouls and goblins.
  -- Sleepy Hollow [1999]

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

DUHNST! Actress Kirsten Dunst decided to be fashionably late for the Tribeca Film Festival screening of her directorial short film Bastard, only to find that they had not delayed the start for her and the six-minute film had ended by the time she arrived.

ALL SHOOK UP. Simon Goldsmith, a delivery driver and Elvis Presley impersonator, was attempting to break the world record for singing Elvis hits non-stop last weekend, intending to sing for more than 43 hours, 11 minutes and 11 seconds (the record set by German Thomas Gothje in 2004), but after 35 hours he was advised to stop on medical advice.

CHINA. After Zhao Zuohai, from Hanan province, China, had a row with his neighbour the man disappeared, and when a decomposed, headless body was found a year and a half later Mr Zhao was convicted of murder based mainly on an allegedly forced confession and sentenced to death, commuted to 29 years in prison. That was almost ten years ago. Last week Zhao was released after the "victim" came back to the village seeking welfare support, and said he had fled because he thought he had killed Zhao.

OIL! Attempts to solve the oil spill in Gulf of Mexico seem to be getting more desparate, with a massive funnel lowered over the drill site, and the charity Matter of Trust contacting hairdressers, farmers and pet groomers worldwide to donate hair, which is stuffed into nylon tights to soak up oil as it reaches shores. Reports suggest that 450 tons of hair is arriving daily. BP, meanwhile, is considering stuffing the well with shredded tyres, golf balls and other rubbish under high pressure to block the failed blowout preventer and block the leak.

CUPS! Bra manufacturer Triumph Japan, who last year created a bra with food bowls around the cups and a chopstick holder on one of the straps so busy women could eat on the go, have now unveiled a bra with pots for cups, a plastic water hose belt and detachable farming gloves for women who want to grow their own rice...

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Liam Gallagher to produce film version of The Longest Cocktail Party about the rise and fall of The Beatles. Despite criticism from TOGs ("Terry's Old Geezers" - fans of previous host Terry Wogan), Chris Evans' Breakfast Show draws in 1m more listeners to Radio 2; axe-facing station BBC 6 Music audience grows 50%. Sean Penn sentenced to 300 hours of community service after attacking a paparazzo. Cannes Film Festival opens despite Icelandic ash travel chaos and freak storm last week but Ridley Scott misses showing of his Robin Hood while recuperating from knee surgery; Tim Burton-headed jury includes Kate Beckinsale and Benicio del Toro. Special Edition Blu-ray of Saving Private Ryan recalled in US, UK and parts of Europe over sound error. Avatar and Twilight: New Moon pick up five MTV Movie Award nominations each; The Hangover gets six. The Scissor Sisters spent 18 months working on their third album, then scrapped the lot and started again, producing Night Work, due out in June, in a year. Reel-to-reel recording of 1966 Beatles press conference at which Lennon was asked about his "bigger than Jesus" comment to be auctioned; expected to go for up to $25k. First episode of Alan Sugar's Junior Apprentice picks up less than half the audience of the debut of the adult version. Naomi Watts to play Marilyn Monroe in biopic. Rihanna falls down stairs at London O2 Arena show. Glade Festival cancelled. Joan Collins to star in Dick Wittington panto alongside ventriloquist Keith Harris and Orville the Duck. Obits: singer/actress Lena Horne (92), last-surviving Ziegfield Follies dancer Doris Eaton Travis (106).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

We've been using Adobe Photoshop here at Lamont Towers for several years unlike, apparently, most of the creators of the images on this week's site. Photoshop Disasters collates the worst of the publishing world's attempts to manipulate pictures in the name of commerce.

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:

5, 13, 24, 28, 35, 47

AND FINALLY...

How do you get a Scotsman onto your roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house...