ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 10 December		-		Martin Luther publicly burnt the Exsurge Domine papal bull, 1520. Scientist William Gilbert died, 1603. Mathematician and proto-programmer Ada Lovelace born, 1815. Librarian Melvil Dewey born, 1851. The first traffic lights were installed, outside the Palace of Westminster in London, 1868. Inventor and Prize founder Alfred Nobel died, 1896. The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948. Actor/comedian Richard Pryor died, 2005. Actress Susan Dey born, 1952. International Animal Rights Day. Human Rights Day (International).
Saturday 11 December		-		Llewelyn the Last, Prince of Wales, died, 1282. American statesman George Mason born, 1725. The French National Convention put King Louis XVI on trial for treason, 1792. Composer Hector Berlioz born, 1803. Poet Innokenty Annensky died, 1909. King Edward VIII announced his abdication in a BBC radio broadcast, 1936. Musician Nikki Sixx born, 1958. The Kyoto Protocol opened for signature, 1997. Pin-up model Bettie Page died, 2008. Tango Day in Buenos Aires.
Sunday 12 December		-		The Massacre of Ma'Arrat al-Numan, 1098. Architect Francesco Galli-Bibiena born, 1659. Pennsylvania ratified the United States Constitution, the second state to do so, 1787. Banker Henry Wells born, 1805. Poet Robert Browning died, 1889. Actor Douglas Fairbanks died, 1939. Actress Jennifer Connelly born, 1970. At the Greenham Common airbase, 30,000 women peace protesters formed a human chain 14.5km long around the perimiter fence, 1982. Keiko, orca star of Free Willy died, 2003. Jamhuri Day in Kenya.
Monday 13 December		-		Artist Donatello died, 1466. Sir Francis Drake set sail on his global circumnavigation, 1577. Lexicographer Samuel Johnson died, 1784. Poet Heinrich Heine born, 1797. Actor Dick Van Dyke born, 1925. The Battle of the River Plate, 1939. Astronauts Eugene Cernan and Harrison Schmidt began the, to-date, final moonwalk, on the Apollo 17 mission, 1972. Singer Taylor Swift born, 1989. Actress Kathy Staff died, 2008. Republic Day in Malta.
Tuesday 14 December		-		Vlad III the Impaler, Dracula, died, 1476. Astrologer Nostradamus born, 1503. Accession of Mary, Queen of Scots, 1542. Astronomer Tycho Brahe born, 1546. George Washington, first President of the United States, died, 1799. Roald Amundsen's team became the first to reach the South Pole, 1911. Singer-songwriter Beth Orton born, 1970. Actress Jeanne Crain died, 2003. Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw two shoes at George W. Bush during a news conference in Baghdad, 2008. Monkey Day.
Wednesday 15 December		-		Roman emperor Nero born, 37. Writer Izaak Walton died, 1683. Architect Gustave Eiffel born, 1832. Founding of the Ezo Republic in Hokkaidō, 1868. Sioux leader Sitting Bull died, 1890. Gone With the Wind premiered in Atlanta, Georgia, 1939. Actress Helen Slater born, 1963. Animator Walt Disney died, 1966. The Silver Bridge in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, collapsed during rush hour, 1967. Bill of Rights Day in the USA. Homecoming Day in Alderney. Zamenhof Day (Esperanto speakers).
Thursday 16 December		-		Catherine of Aragon, Queen of England, born, 1485. Scientist William Petty died, 1687. Mount Fuji erupted (the last recorded eruption), 1707. Composer Ludwig van Beethoven born, 1770. The Boston Tea Party, 1773. Composer Camille Saint-Saëns died, 1921. Actress Liv Ullman born, 1938. Colonel Sanders, Kentucky Fried Chicken founder, died, 1980. Hundreds of children in Japan suffered seizures after seeing flashing images in the Pokémon episode Dennō Senshi Porygon, 1997. Independence Day in Kazakhstan.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Richard Lamm:

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next week or from the regular address.

• Your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel.
• I'm not happy. I'm working nights, everybody thinks I'm a liar, my whole family's laughing at me... Reverend Harwell gave me the finger last week!
• A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
• Life is NOT a malfunction.
• We must be the first superpower to create super powers.

Last issue's quotations were:

• Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen where only you and you alone stand between your tiny, huddled family and insensate evil.
  -- A Christmas Story [1983]
• Here's a name for you nostalgia fans: Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown. I'll never forget an exclusive interview in which Swamptown revealed that he calls his hockey stick the "Big Tomahawk," and he usually refers to the opposing players as "the little scalps".
  -- Slap Shot [1977]
• You know what the difference between you and me is? We both do the same thing. You just do it for a country, so you don't have to admit you like it.
  -- Predators [2010]
• A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
  -- Heat [1995]
• So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.
  -- Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith [2005]

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

HOT FUZZ! A police scheme in the Czech Republic which aimed to reduce traffic accidents by installing life-sized standees of mini-skirted policewomen has, not surprisingly, backfired spectacularly, with accident rates at some of the junctions where the cardboard cutouts were installed doubling; one motorist who drove his car off the road complained to the Interior Minister saying "The cut-outs are distracting. I mean, mini-skirts? In this weather?"

SAY WHAT? BBC Radio 4 presenter James Naughtie was left red-faced after an on-air mistake announcing an upcoming interview with Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt, in which he pronounced the politician's surname as 'C***', one of the more unbroadcastable swear words. Naughtie apologised immediately, but Hunt took it in his stride, tweeting later that "They say prepare for anything before going on Today but that took the biscuit. I was laughing as much as u Jim," adding "Or should I say Dr Spooner." The mistake was not technically a Spoonerism as there was no switch of letters between words. Spoonerisms are named after the Reverend William Spooner, Warden of New College, Oxford, who was prone to switching his letters by mistake - at one dinner he was toasting the monarch and called for "Three cheers for our queer old dean!".

BLIND DRUNK. Mark Alan Watson, 41, of Bartlesville, WA, appeared in court on a charge of drink driving, and fell over in the dock after allegedly turning up drunk. The judge requested that he take a field sobriety test but he said he was unable to as he was blind. He subsequently failed a breathalyser test. When Watson was arrested for driving off after colliding with another car he told the arresting officer who asked him to take the field sobriety test that he couldn't as "I'm ****ing drunk. I'm blind anyway and I can't drive."

BROUGHT TO BOOK! Hazel Severson, 95, from Sacramento, CA, was sorting through boxes for a garage sale when a friend who was helping her discovered a copy of Seaplane Solo, a book about Sir Francis Chichester's 1930 solo flight across the Tasman Sea, that Severson's late husband had borrowed from a public library in 1936. She contacted the library, returned the book and offered to pay any overdue fine. Fortunately for her Librarian Laura Einstadter said the library was happy to just get the book back, and would waive the accumulated US$2701 (£1712) fine. Severson made a (smaller) donation instead.

ONLY IN VEGAS... Dr Claudio Palma had a busy day. He ran a marathon in Las Vegas while dressed as Elvis Presley, getting married at a run-through chapel during the race, then, while relaxing in a restaurant afterwards - still dressed as The King - performed CPR and resuscitated a woman who had passed out. He told reporters that when paramedics arrive the woman gave him a weird look and said she was OK.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

UK soap Coronation Street broadcasts hour-long live episode to mark 50th anniversary. Florida Governor officially pardons late Jim Morrison over 1969 indecent exposure conviction. Helen Mirren says Hollywood worships "at the altar of the 18- to 25-year-old male." John Lennon fans mark 30th anniversary of shooting; tribute concert in Liverpool. Warner Bros planning film of 1976-84 UK children's show Rentaghost; Russell Brand to star. George Stubbs' 1767 painting Brood Mares and Foals auctions for £10m (US$15.8m). Cate Blanchett to reprise Galadriel role for The Hobbit films. Somebody won I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! Larry Hagman to guest on Desperate Housewives. Aretha Franklin released from hospital, plans to be on stage again in the Spring. Twilight fan pays £53,333 (US$84148) in charity auction to meet Robert Pattinson on set of Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Nelly Furtado encouraging aspiring pop stars to write their own songs. Helena Bonhan-Carter, Liam Neeson, The King's Speech big winners at British Independent Film Awards; HB-C thanked absent boyfriend director Tim Burton who was "pushing out a kidney stone as we speak." Oprah Winfrey to play brothel madam in Ruined. Emma Thompson draws ire of Isle of Wight councillors for joking that "they stone homosexuals there" and "shoot Irish or Scottish people if they arrive on the island." Obits: author Elizabeth Edwards (61), actress Sandra Ellis-Troy (68), playwright David French (71), actor Aleander Kerst (86), TV producer Alan Armor (88), cartoonist Norman Hetherington (89), tenor Hugues Cuénod (108).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

While Google might be seemingly omnipresent, it's not the only search engine out there. One of the more interesting alternatives is Wolfram Alpha, which describes itself as a "Computational knowledge engine"; feed it a question and it will endeavour to provide you with a meaningful response. For example, put in your date of birth and it will tell you the day of the week, your age (in various formats), and other information about that day. The Editor was apparently born under a waxing gibbous moon, which seems rather appr[THAT'S ENOUGH! - ED]

http://www.wolframalpha.com/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Madame Jennifer, our in-house psychic predicts the following numbers will be lucky:

9, 11, 17, 19, 23, 45

AND FINALLY...

   Little Jennifer and her parents had been to tea with their neighbours one afternoon, to see their new, expensive furnishings. The next day the wife heard the doorbell, and, opening the door, saw Little Jennifer standing on the doorstep. Assuming that her parents must have forgotten something the day before the woman asked Little Jennifer what she wanted.

   "Please, Mrs Smith, may I come in and look at your new rug?" Bemused, the woman let her in.

Little Jennifer skipped into the living room and stared at the rug. She tilted her head to the left and looked at the rug. She tilted her head to the right and looked at the rug. She turned round, leaned over and looked at the rug upside down. After several minutes of this, Little Jennifer turned to the woman and said "Well, it doesn't make me sick!"