The Friday Irregular

1 April 2011

Edited by and copyright ©2011 Simon Lamont
tfir@simonlamont.co.uk

The latest edition is always available at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/tfir/index.htm
The archives are at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/tfir/archive/index.htm

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 1 April - The Scottish army captured Berwick-upon-Tweed from the English, 1318. Physician William Harvey born, 1578. The patent for the internal combustion engine was granted to Samuel Morey, 1826. Convicted murderer William Frederick Horry became the first man to be hung using the long drop, 1872. Actor Wallace Beery born, 1885. Musician Scott Joplin died, 1917. Astronomer Patrick Moore broadcast the Jovian-Plutonian gravitational effect hoax, 1976. Actress/singer Hannah Spearitt born, 1981. The Cult drummer Nigel Preston died, 1992. April Fools' Day.

Saturday 2 April - Charlemagne born, 742. Juan Ponce de Leon landed on what he would name Florida, 1513. British general Thomas Gage died, 1787. The Battle of Copenhagen in the Napoleonic Wars, 1801. Writer Hans Christian Andersen born, 1805. Samuel Morse, inventor of the telegraph, died, 1872. Haile Selassie was proclaimed emperor of Ethiopia, 1930. British TV director/producer Karl Beattie born, 1963. Actress Jennifer Syme died, 2001. World Autism Awareness Day.

Sunday 3 April - Edward the Confessor was crowned King of England, 1043. Poet George Herbert born, 1593. Outlaw Jesse James died, 1882. Actor Leslie Howard born, 1893. Composer Johannes Brahms died, 1897. The Cunard Line shipping company ordered construction of the RMS Queen Mary, 1929. Zoologist Jane Goodall born, 1934. Writer Grahame Greene died, 1991. Microsoft was ruled to have violated United States antitrust laws, 2000.

Monday 4 April - Francis Drake was knighted for circumnavigating the globe, 1581. Mathematician John Napier died, 1617. Woodcarver Grinling Gibbons born, 1648. Writer Oliver Goldsmith died, 1774. The Stars and Stripes was adopted as the American flag, 1818. Actress Agnes Ayres born, 1898. Dedication ceremony for the World Trade Center in New York City, 1973. Actor Heath Ledger born, 1979. DJ Kenny Everett died, 1995. International Day for Landmine Awareness and Assistance.

Tuesday 5 April - Philosopher Thomas Hobbes born, 1588. Pocahontas and John Rolfe marred, 1614. Poet Samuel Wesley died, 1735. Antiseptic pioneer Joseph Lister born, 1827. The world's first civic public park opened in Birkenhead, England, 1874. Actor Mitch Pileggi born, 1952. American general Douglas MacArthur died, 1964. The Tiananmen incident in Beijin, China, 1976. Musician Kurt Cobain died, 1994.

Wednesday 6 April - The Declaration of Arbroath, 1320. Artist Raphael born, 1483, and died, 1520. At the Cape of Good Hope Jan van Riebeeck established a supply camp that would grow to become Cape Town, 1652. Mathematician Niels Henrik Abel died, 1829. Painter John William Waterhouse born, 1849. Composer Igor Stravinsky died, 1971. Musician Myleene Klass born, 1978. L'Aquila, Italy, was struck by a 6.3 magnitude earthquake, 2009. Tartan Day in the US.

Thursday 7 April - Artist El Greco died, 1614. Johann Sebastian Bach's St John Passion premiered in Leipzig, 1724. Poet William Wordsworth born, 1770. Highwayman Dick Turpin hanged, 1739. France adopted the metre as the standard measure of length, 1795. Corn flakes inventor Will Keith Kellogg born, 1860. The publication of RFC 1, regarded as the symbolic birth of the Internet, 1969. Actress Jennifer Schwalbach Smith born, 1971. Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Dave Arneson died, 2009. World Health Day.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Ambrose Bierce, in The Devil's Dictionary:
April Fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.

I guess I've always been a band geek. I was just never in the band.

I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn't on the guest list.

- Duck!
- That's not a duck, it's a ... pelican!

In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.

Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night, and it's only Thursday afternoon.

Last issue's quotations were:

- But how old are you, really?
- Twelve. But... I've been twelve for a very long time.
-- Let Me In [2010]

With no power, comes no responsibility. Except, that wasn't true.
-- Kick Ass [2010]

- My stomach doesn't do well with Action/Adventure.
- Hurley, don't you dare...
-- G-Force [2009]

In pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love.
-- Paris, je t'aime [2006]

I better run, tiger.
-- Spider-Man [2002]

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

MOO! It's a scientifically-established fact that cows, sheep and goats account for about 43% of Britain's methane emissions - mostly through belching, and farms produce 9% of national greenhouse gases, but a government-funded study by a team from the Universities of Reading and Aberystwyth has concluded that by changing feed types to include more maize silage, high-sugar grasses and naked oats, emissions could be cut by up to a third. More research is needed though into the impact on milk and meat production levels. It's a hot topic internationally, with the UN suggesting last year that animal emissions should be taxed - something New Zealand in particular is opposed to - livestock there accounts for 90% of methane emmissions and 57% of greenhouse gases, making it hard to meet the targets set by the Kyoto Protocol.

GOING DOWN... A suspected burglar in Boothtown, England, thought he was making a get-away when he vaulted a wall at a nearby church, but found himself falling down a 30ft (10m) well. He called emergency services and firemen were able to pull him out, after which he was arrested and taken to hospital complaining of back injuries.

MEEOWWWWW Smokey, a cat from Northamptonshire, England, could be a world record holder, after her purring was tested by a musicologist from Northampton College and found to be at a level of 73 decibels, about 16 times that of other cats.

POOH! Never mind the Olympics, around 500 people recently took part in the World Pooh Sticks Championship in Little Wittenham, near Abingdon, England, where the event - recreating the game from A.A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh has been held annually since 1983 to benefit the Royal National Lifeboats Institute, a local church and other charities. Nine-year-old Saffron Sollitt from England won the individual prize when her stick floated from one side of a bridge to the other first. The competition - cancelled last year due to high water levels, attracted competitors from as far afield as New Zealand and Germany.

HISSSSS! A 20" (50cm) Egyptian cobra escaped from New York City's Bronx Zoo last Friday, and has yet to be recaptured, but seems to be having fun, as it has apparently taken to posting updates on micro-blogging site Twitter. BronxZoosCobra (the person behind which is, as yet, unidentified) posted that it was "On top of the Empire State Building! All the people look like little mice down there. Delicious little mice", and "It's getting pretty cold out. I think it's probably time to crash. Oh look, an apartment window someone left open just a crack. Perfect", as well as updates from - amongst other places, Ray's Pizza, the High Line and the nuseum of Natural History. When we checked at time of writing BronxZoosCobra has attracked almost 200,000 followers.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Beyonce, manager (her father) split professionally. Amy Adams to play Lois Lane in Superman reboot. Schwarzenegger to be Marvel cartoon hero - yes, The Governator... Creator, exec-producer Eric Kripke hints at seventh season for Supernatural. New York court blocks Google's online books scheme over copyright payments. Adele equals Madonna's album record with nine weeks at UK #1 for second album; first still at #2. David Letterman gets inaugural Johnny Carson Award for comedic excellence. Jim Broadbent takes late Pete Postlethwaite's role in BBC drama Exile. Limitless, A Turtle's Tale, The Eagle top UK box office. John Le Carre asks for name to be withdrawn from Man Booker International Prize shortlist. Jennifer Garner to play younger version of Agatha Christie's Miss Marple. Fifth season of Mad Men delayed until 2012 by creator/production company/network negotiations. Reese Witherspoon remarries. Syfy renews Warehouse 13, Eureka and US version of Being Human. BBC renews original Being Human for fourth season. Sony already hired scriptwriter for Spider-Man reboot sequel. Fringe renewed for fourth season. Martin Scorsese named as curator for Port Eliot Festival in Cornwall, July. John Keats love letter auctions for UKP96k (USD154k). Warner Bros planning to reboot Batman franchise after The Dark Knight Rises. Lynda Carter to cameo in Wonder Woman TV reboot. George Clooney, girlfriend, among those named as possible defence witnesses in Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi's under-age prostitute trial. BBC cancels sitcom My Family after next (11th) series, renews Outnumbered for fourth series. Almost half of BBC Breakfast crew to relocate with show to Manchester. Men at Work lose appeal over claim that 1983's Down Under was partly copied from folk song Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree. Jennifer Aniston, Alicia Keys, Demi Moore to direct short films about breast cancer for Lifetime. Karen Gillan to play 60s supermodel Jean Shrimpton in BBC Four film. Obits: actor/director/producer Esben Storm (60), playwright Lanford Wilson (73), writer H.R.F. Keating (84), actor Farley Granger (85).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Yes, in case you hadn't noticed, this issue is dated April 1 - April Fools' Day. This week's site is the Museum of Hoaxes' list of their top 100 April Fools' Day hoaxes.
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:
8, 1, 28, 39, 46, 48

AND FINALLY...

   Little Jennifer's teacher was handing back her pupils' homework, for which they had been asked to write about pets. She got to Little Jennifer...

   "Little Jennifer!" she exclaimed, "Your paper was very well written, but I checked, and it was word-for-word the same as your elder sister Mary wrote last year. Did you copy it?"

   Hardly pausing to think, Little Jennifer smiled innocently and replied, "No, Miss. It's the same dog!"

...end of line

Friday 1 April	-	The Scottish army captured Berwick-upon-Tweed from the English, 1318. Physician William Harvey born, 1578. The patent for the internal combustion engine was granted to Samuel Morey, 1826. Convicted murderer William Frederick Horry became the first man to be hung using the long drop, 1872. Actor Wallace Beery born, 1885. Musician Scott Joplin died, 1917. Astronomer Patrick Moore broadcast the Jovian-Plutonian gravitational effect hoax, 1976. Actress/singer Hannah Spearitt born, 1981. The Cult drummer Nigel Preston died, 1992. April Fools' Day.

Saturday 2 April	-	Charlemagne born, 742. Juan Ponce de Leon landed on what he would name Florida, 1513. British general Thomas Gage died, 1787. The Battle of Copenhagen in the Napoleonic Wars, 1801. Writer Hans Christian Andersen born, 1805. Samuel Morse, inventor of the telegraph, died, 1872. Haile Selassie was proclaimed emperor of Ethiopia, 1930. British TV director/producer Karl Beattie born, 1963. Actress Jennifer Syme died, 2001. World Autism Awareness Day.

Sunday 3 April	-	Edward the Confessor was crowned King of England, 1043. Poet George Herbert born, 1593. Outlaw Jesse James died, 1882. Actor Leslie Howard born, 1893. Composer Johannes Brahms died, 1897. The Cunard Line shipping company ordered construction of the RMS Queen Mary, 1929. Zoologist Jane Goodall born, 1934. Writer Grahame Greene died, 1991. Microsoft was ruled to have violated United States antitrust laws, 2000.

Monday 4 April	-	Francis Drake was knighted for circumnavigating the globe, 1581. Mathematician John Napier died, 1617. Woodcarver Grinling Gibbons born, 1648. Writer Oliver Goldsmith died, 1774. The Stars and Stripes was adopted as the American flag, 1818. Actress Agnes Ayres born, 1898. Dedication ceremony for the World Trade Center in New York City, 1973. Actor Heath Ledger born, 1979. DJ Kenny Everett died, 1995. International Day for Landmine Awareness and Assistance.

Tuesday 5 April	-	Philosopher Thomas Hobbes born, 1588. Pocahontas and John Rolfe marred, 1614. Poet Samuel Wesley died, 1735. Antiseptic pioneer Joseph Lister born, 1827. The world's first civic public park opened in Birkenhead, England, 1874. Actor Mitch Pileggi born, 1952. American general Douglas MacArthur died, 1964. The Tiananmen incident in Beijin, China, 1976. Musician Kurt Cobain died, 1994.

Wednesday 6 April	-	The Declaration of Arbroath, 1320. Artist Raphael born, 1483, and died, 1520. At the Cape of Good Hope Jan van Riebeeck established a supply camp that would grow to become Cape Town, 1652. Mathematician Niels Henrik Abel died, 1829. Painter John William Waterhouse born, 1849. Composer Igor Stravinsky died, 1971. Musician Myleene Klass born, 1978. L'Aquila, Italy, was struck by a 6.3 magnitude earthquake, 2009. Tartan Day in the US.

Thursday 7 April	-	Artist El Greco died, 1614. Johann Sebastian Bach's St John Passion premiered in Leipzig, 1724. Poet William Wordsworth born, 1770. Highwayman Dick Turpin hanged, 1739. France adopted the metre as the standard measure of length, 1795. Corn flakes inventor Will Keith Kellogg born, 1860. The publication of RFC 1, regarded as the symbolic birth of the Internet, 1969. Actress Jennifer Schwalbach Smith born, 1971. Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Dave Arneson died, 2009. World Health Day.