The Friday Irregular

29 July 2011

Edited by and copyright ©2011 Simon Lamont
tfir@simonlamont.co.uk

The latest edition is always available at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/li/tfir/index.htm
The archives are at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/tfir/archive/index.htm

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 29 July - King Olaf II of Norway died, 1030. The English fleet under Howard and Drake defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of Gravelines, 1588. Poet Simon Dach born, 1605. Astronomer Johann Kies died, 1781. The inauguration of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, 1836. Actress Clara Bow born, 1905. Opening of the 1948 Summer Olympics in London, 1948. Actor Wil Wheaton born, 1972. Singer Cass "Mama Cass" Elliot died, 1974.

Saturday 30 July - Founding of Baghdad, 762. Poet Thomas Gray died, 1771. Novelist Emily Brontë born, 1818. The first ascent of Grand Combin, one of the highest peaks in the Alps, 1859. Car maker Henry Ford born, 1863. Cricketer Charlie Absolom died, 1889. Golfer Justin Rose born, 1980. The last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off the production line, 2003. Director Ingmar Bergman died, 2007.

Sunday 31 July - The earliest recorded eruption of Mt Fuji, 781. Jesuit founder Ignatius Loyola died, 1556. Sculptor Alessandro Algardi born, 1598. Writer Daniel Defoe was put in a pillory for seditious libel, but was pelted with flowers, 1703. Physicist John Canton born, 1718. Mathematician Nikolaus Bernoulli died, 1726. Writer J.K. Rowling born, 1965. NASA released the "Face on Mars" image taken by Viking 1, 1976. Author Poul Anderson died, 2001.

Monday 1 August - Roman Emperor Claudius born, 10 BCE. Formation of the Swiss Confederation, 1291. Queen Anne of Great Britain died, 1714. writer Herman Melville born, 1819. The "new" London Bridge opened, 1831. Frontierswoman Calamity Jane died, 1903. Rapper Coolio born, 1963. MTV began broadcasting in the USA, 1981. Actress Eva Bartok died, 1998. Lughnasadh and Lammas, marking the start of Autumn.

Tuesday 2 August - The Battle of Cannae, 216 BCE. King Ælfweard of Wessex died, 924. Scholar Theodor Zwinger born, 1533. The first US Census took place, 1790. Film producer Jack Warner born, 1892. Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell died, 1922. Carl D. Anderson discovered the positron, 1932. Actress Cynthia Stevenson born, 1962. Writer William S. Burroughs died, 1997.

Wednesday 3 August - Christopher Columbus set sail on his first expedition, 1492. Architect Francesco Borromini died, 1667. Inventor Elisha Otis born, 1811. Founding of the Firestone Tire & Rubber Company, 1900. Evolutionist and teacher John T. Scopes born, 1900. Writer Joseph Conrad died, 1924. The US Senate hearing into Project MKULTRA began, 1977. Actress Evangeline Lilly born, 1979. Writer Aleksandr Solzenitsyn died, 2008.

Thursday 4 August - Adventurer Thomas Stukley died, 1578. Dom Perignon invented Champagne, 1693 (traditonal date). Poet Percy Bysshe Shelley born, 1792. Writer Hans Christian Andersen died, 1875. The bodies of Lizzie Borden's parents were discovered, 1892. Elizabeth, The Queen Mother born, 1900. The second Gulf of Tonkin Incident, 1964. Comedian Lee Mack born, 1968. Screenwriter Blake Snyder died, 2009.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Admiral Chester Nimitz (attrib.):
A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep one in powder and paint.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.

I spent the last 12 years of my life building rooms like this specifically to keep out people like us.

Baseball is great. It's the only sport in the world that you can play while taking a nap.

The woods is no place for a bear!

You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o'clock. She looks like she's re-entering the Earth's atmosphere.

I wish you were gay, you'd be much more sensitive.

Last issue's quotations were:

I have been told of a certain sea snake which has a very unusual method of attracting its prey. It will lie at the bottom of the ocean as if wounded. Then its enemies will approach, and yet it will lie quite still. And then its enemies will take little bites of it, and yet it remains still.
-- Gladiator [2000]

Phil isn't here right now, he left for Earth FIVE MINUTES AGO, please leave a message after the beep!
-- Mission to Mars [2000]

- The Catholic Church is not a corporation! It's a beacon! A source of inspiration for a billion lost and frightened souls!
- Sure, I get that. It's also a bank.
-- Angels & Demons [2009]

Almost turned into a bit of raspberry jam back there, yeah, a bit of raspberry jam!
-- Ronin [1998]

A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really... "Do the stars gaze back?" Now *that's* a question.
-- Stardust [2007]

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

PURRPLEXED... When someone noticed a man dropping a suspicious green substance near a bank in Liscard, Wirral [about 2 miles from the Irregular offices] the emergency services raced into action. Several police cars, four fire engines and specialist hazardous material treatment trucks rushed to the scene, which was cordoned off, and the nearby Cherry Tree shopping centre closed while the substance was cleaned up and taken for identification. The next morning it was revealed to have been... cat litter.

SO BRITISH... About 2,000 people formed an orderly queue in Coventry last week. Why? As part of an outdoor performance by the Talking Birds theatre company to mark the start of the Cultural Olympiad ahead of next year's London Olympics. Lou Lomas, Talking Birds' spokesman told reporters "The British have, and will always be, world-beaters when it comes to queuing. The Australians have their swimmers, Ethiopia has their marathon runners and we have our queues."

PLONK! A bottle of 1811 Chateau d'Yquem white wine auctioned this week for £75,000 ($122,570), setting a new world record for white wine - a 1947 Cheval-Blanc red sold last November for £192,000 ($313,790) last year. The Chateau d'Yquem is to be put on display behind bulletproof glass in its new owner's restaurant but will eventually be drunk to mark a special occasion.

PLONKER! A shipment of 2010 Mollydooker Velvet Glove shiraz wine was being loaded for export to the US from the McLaren Vale winery when a forklift accident at container handler Kerry Logistics smashed 462 cases of the AU$185 (£122, US$199) per bottle wine. Winemaker Sparky Marquis told journalists that "when they opened up the container they said it was like a murder scene, but it smelled phenomenal." The shipment - roughly a third of the winery's annual output, but was fully insured.

STIFFED! When his family failed to rouse him last Saturday, a Libode, South Africa, man's body was taken to a local morgue, where it was left for almost 24 hours before he woke up - and scared two attendants away with his screams which they initially thought was a ghost. They returned shortly afterwards and called an ambulance, and the man was treated for dehydration in hospital. Officials have urged the public to call a doctor or the emergency services who can properly pronounce when someone is dead, before contacting funeral services.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Microsoft forced to apologise after tweeting Xboxx360 users to suggest paying tribute to Amy Winehouse (see obits, below) by buying Back to Black at their online Zune store. Angry Birds maker Rovio sued for patent infringement. Lee Child's 61 Hours wins Novel of the Year at the Harrogate Crime Writing Festival. Doctor Who's Karen Gillan confirms continuing role in next series; to make stage debut in Inadmissible Evidence revival. The Wanted retain UK singles #1 spot, Adele's 21 retain #1 album; Amy Winehouse's Back to Black re-entered album chart at 59 within hours of death announcement. Israeli Chamber Orchestra break with tradition and play Wagner's Siegfried Idyll at Bayreuth. Captain America: The First Avenger tops US box office ahead of final Harry Potter and Friends With Benefits. The Age of Stupid, one of Pete Postlethwaite's last films, up for Impact documentary award. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 holds off Cars 2 at top of UK box office. Placido Domingo to chair anti-music-piracy body the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry. Mitch Winehouse planning foundation in daughter Amy's name to help addicts. U2 documentary From the Sky Down to open Toronto International Film Festival. National Gallery, London, Louvre, Paris, to loan Da Vinci paintings to each other for display of both versions of Virgin of the Rocks together in London. Madonna-directed Edward VIII/Wallis Simpson drama W.E. to premiere at Venice Film Festival. ITV to pilot pay system for non-catchup bespoke and archive online programme viewing. Katie Price fails in world-record book-signing bid; agent declines to say by how much. BBC Worldwide launching subscription-based global iPlayer app for iPads, starting in 11 EU countries. Court orders British Telecom to block access to Newzbin 2 site which links to material pirated via Usenet despite blocker software being inadequate and protests from Internet Service Providers' Association and civil rights groups. Prop designer Andrew Ainsworth defeats George Lucas in court to continue selling Star Wars stormtrooper armour and helmets. Yellow Ferrari 575 Maranello previously owned by Eric Clapton and Chris Evans auctions for £66,500 (US$108,680). Two roads in Liverpool to be named Pete Best Drive and Casbah Close after original Beatles' drummer Best and the club founded by his mother where the Beatles started their career. Liverpool City Council also to rename refurbished Neptune Theatre the Epstein Theatre after the Beatles' manager. National Museum of Scotland reopening after £47m ($76.8m) refit. Obits: singer Amy Winehouse (27), animator Toyoo Ashida (67), actress Linda Christian (87), painter Lucian Freud (88), artist Margaret Olley (88), actor G.D. Spradlin (90).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Ever held up a photograph of a place in front of you while looking at that very place and remembering - or imagining - when it was taken? This week's site is a collection of such images and memories. Dear Photograph...
http://dearphotograph.com/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:
2, 7, 20, 29, 33, 34

AND FINALLY...

The teacher was telling her class about great scientists. "OK, you know how everything falls to the ground when you drop it? That's called gravity, and it was discovered by a man named Isaac Newton who was sitting under an apple tree when an apple fell on his head. What do you all think of that?"

Little Jennifer's hand shot up. "Miss, it's lucky he wasn't sitting in class like us, or he wouldn't have discovered anything!"

...end of line

Friday 29 July	-	King Olaf II of Norway died, 1030. The English fleet under Howard and Drake defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of Gravelines, 1588. Poet Simon Dach born, 1605. Astronomer Johann Kies died, 1781. The inauguration of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, 1836. Actress Clara Bow born, 1905. Opening of the 1948 Summer Olympics in London, 1948. Actor Wil Wheaton born, 1972. Singer Cass "Mama Cass" Elliot died, 1974.

Saturday 30 July	-	Founding of Baghdad, 762. Poet Thomas Gray died, 1771. Novelist Emily Brontë born, 1818. The first ascent of Grand Combin, one of the highest peaks in the Alps, 1859. Car maker Henry Ford born, 1863. Cricketer Charlie Absolom died, 1889. Golfer Justin Rose born, 1980. The last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off the production line, 2003. Director Ingmar Bergman died, 2007.

Sunday 31 July	-	The earliest recorded eruption of Mt Fuji, 781. Jesuit founder Ignatius Loyola died, 1556. Sculptor Alessandro Algardi born, 1598. Writer Daniel Defoe was put in a pillory for seditious libel, but was pelted with flowers, 1703. Physicist John Canton born, 1718. Mathematician Nikolaus Bernoulli died, 1726. Writer J.K. Rowling born, 1965. NASA released the "Face on Mars" image taken by Viking 1, 1976. Author Poul Anderson died, 2001.

Monday 1 August	-	Roman Emperor Claudius born, 10 BCE. Formation of the Swiss Confederation, 1291. Queen Anne of Great Britain died, 1714. writer Herman Melville born, 1819. The "new" London Bridge opened, 1831. Frontierswoman Calamity Jane died, 1903. Rapper Coolio born, 1963. MTV began broadcasting in the USA, 1981. Actress Eva Bartok died, 1998. Lughnasadh and Lammas, marking the start of Autumn.

Tuesday 2 August	-	The Battle of Cannae, 216 BCE. King Ælfweard of Wessex died, 924. Scholar Theodor Zwinger born, 1533. The first US Census took place, 1790. Film producer Jack Warner born, 1892. Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell died, 1922. Carl D. Anderson discovered the positron, 1932. Actress Cynthia Stevenson born, 1962. Writer William S. Burroughs died, 1997.

Wednesday 3 August	-	Christopher Columbus set sail on his first expedition, 1492. Architect Francesco Borromini died, 1667. Inventor Elisha Otis born, 1811. Founding of the Firestone Tire & Rubber Company, 1900. Evolutionist and teacher John T. Scopes born, 1900. Writer Joseph Conrad died, 1924. The US Senate hearing into Project MKULTRA began, 1977. Actress Evangeline Lilly born, 1979. Writer Aleksandr Solzenitsyn died, 2008.

Thursday 4 August	-	Adventurer Thomas Stukley died, 1578. Dom Perignon invented Champagne, 1693 (traditonal date). Poet Percy Bysshe Shelley born, 1792. Writer Hans Christian Andersen died, 1875. The bodies of Lizzie Borden's parents were discovered, 1892. Elizabeth, The Queen Mother born, 1900. The second Gulf of Tonkin Incident, 1964. Comedian Lee Mack born, 1968. Screenwriter Blake Snyder died, 2009.