ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 12 August		-		Kublia Khan's Mongolian fleet was destroyed by a typhoon as it approached Japan, 1281. Composer Maurice Green born, 1696. Poet/artist/mystic William Blake died, 1827. Film director Cecil B. DeMille born, 1881. The last quagga died in captivity at Amsterdam's Artis Magistra zoo, 1883. Composer Leoš Janáček died, 1928. Guitarist Pat Methany born, 1954. A torpedo propellant explosion sank the Russian submarine K-141 Kursk during a military exercise, 2000. Actor Peter Woodthorpe died, 2004. The Glorious Twelfth in the UK. The peak of the Perseid meteor shower.
Saturday 13 August		-		France and Spain signed the Treaty of Noyon, 1516. Scholar William Wotton born, 1666. Artist Eugène Delacroix died, 1863. Television pioneer John Logie Baird born, 1888. Nurse Florence Nightingale died, 1910. Fantasist Otto Witte claimed to have been crowned King of Albania, 1913. Actress Debi Mazar born, 1964. Baseball player Mickey Mantle died, 1995. Michael Phelps won his record 12th Olympics gold medal, 2008. International Lefthanders Day.
Sunday 14 August		-		King Duncan I of Scotland died, 1040. Poet Robert Hayman born, 1575. The United Kingdom annexed Tristan da Cunha, 1816. Gambler and dentist Doc Holliday born, 1851. Engineer William Stanley died, 1909. Churchill and Roosevelt signed the Atlantic Charter, 1941. Lech Wałęsa led strikes at the Gdańsk shipyards, 1980. Actress Mila Kunis born, 1983. Playwright J.B. Priestley died, 1984.
Monday 15 August		-		The Battle of Roncevaux Pass, 778. Macbeth, King of Scotland, died, 1057. Roadbuilder Blind Jack born, 1717. Mathematician Pierre Bouguer died, 1758. The Tivoli Gardens amusement park opened in Copenhagen, Denmark, 1843. Author E. Nesbit born, 1858. Humorist Will Rogers died, 1935. The town of Lynmouth, Devon, was devastated by a flash flood, 1952. Writer Stieg Larsson born, 1954.
Tuesday 16 August		-		Artist Agostino Carracci born, 1557. Poet Andrew Marvell died, 1678. The Peterloo Massacre, 1819. Publisher Hugo Gernsback born, 1884. Ub Iwerks made the first colour sound cartoon, Fiddlesticks, 1930. Novelist Margaret Mitchell died, 1949. Comedian Frankie Boyle born, 1972. A geomagnetic storm created by a solar flare brought trading on the Toronto stock market to a halt, 1989. Ugandan dictator Idi Amin died, 2003.
Wednesday 17 August		-		English statesman Edmund Dudley died, 1510. Frontiersman Davy Crockett born, 1786. Start of the Dakota War of 1862, 1862. Bridget Driscoll became the first pedestrian fatality of a motor car accident in Britain, 1896. Actress Mae West born, 1893. Pike Place Market opened in Seattle, 1907. Poet Ted Hughes born, 1930. The first CDs (Compact Discs) went on public release, in Germany, 1982. Nazi deputy Rudolf Hess died, 1987.
Thursday 18 August		-		Genghis Khan, Khagan of the Mongol Empire, died, 1227. Mathematician Brook Taylor born, 1685. Composer Antonio Salieri born, 1750. The Great Meteor of August 18, 1783 was seen over the United Kingdom, 1783. Writer Honoré de Balzac died, 1850. Engineer Karl Jatho allegedly flew his self-made, motorised aeroplane, four months before the Wright Brothers' first flight, 1903. Pianist Dame Moura Lympany born, 1916. Steve Biko was arrested under South Africa's Terrorism Act No 83 of 1967, 1977. Composer Elmer Bernstein died, 2004.

THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Josef Balluch:

Creationists are the best evidence we have that there is no intelligent design.

FILM QUIZ

A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.

• Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
• Love humiliates you. Hatred cradles you.
• Kind of galling when you realize that nutbags with cardboard signs had it right the whole time.
• Well, let's give that key lime pie a day in court, and a big old glass of non-fat milk, if you please.
• Welcome to Sesame Street, kids. Today's word is 'expiation'.

Last issue's quotations were:

• In the immortal words of The Doors, 'The time to hesitate is through.'
  -- Empire Records [1995]
• I must retire now to my couch of perpetual indulgence.
  -- Happy Feet [2006]
• You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
  -- The Dark Knight [2008]
• The hospitality in this country is as warm as the weather.
  -- Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves [1991]
• The only thing we had in common was that she was from Iowa, and I had once heard of Iowa.
  -- Field of Dreams [1989]

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

SPLASH! When 61-year-old endurance swimmer Diana Nyad set out from Cuba this week she planned to be the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida without the protection of a shark cage, but was forced to abandon the attempt 29 hours into the 103 mile swim because of shoulder pains, breathing trouble and the ocean swells. It wasn't the first time she had attempted the record - she first tried aged 28, in 1978. Despite it taking a year to negotiate permissions between Cuba and America, and set up a support flotilla with medical staff, nutritionists and a shark protection squad, after being pulled from the water Nyad said "I am not sad, it was absolutely the right call."

TAKING IT SLOW. Jonathan the tortoise, who lives on St Helena, has been confirmed as the oldest in the world at 178 years of age, after a photograph taken around 1900 was confirmed as being of him - then a sprightly 70-something. The photograph was among a collection of Boer War images taken by a photographer who was based on the island; the collection recently auctioned for £4,000 (US$6,4800) and the picture of the tortoise piqued the interest of its new owner.

SPLITTER! Swede Richard Handl was arrested for attempting to trigger nuclear reactions in his kitchen, but claimed that it was "a hobby" and perfectly safe. Legally licensed to handle radioactive material he had spend months trying to create a nuclear reactor, even blogging his results, and had previously caused a minor nuclear meltdown on his stove. It was some time after that incident that he thought there might possibly be some legal issue, and contacted Sweden's Radiation Authority - who in turn contacted the police. When they arrested him, police found radium, americium and uranium in his home. Handl faces fines or up to two years in prison if convicted. "From now on, I will stick to the theory," he told reporters.

MOOOOOOOO! Yvonne the cow has become a media celebrity in Germany after escaping from her Bavarian farm and going on the run, even being placed on a "most wanted" police list after a close encounter with a squad car. Hunters have failed to shoot her, and animal rights activists who tried to lure her in with both her best friend Waltraud the cow and Yvonne's own calf Waldi failed to catch her - she just looked on from a distance and ran off again. Their latest hope is to tempt her back with Ernst the breeding bull, before the hunters can get her.

SECUESTRADO! When 23-year-old Carolina Lopera was using an automated DVD rental kiosk in the US state of Georgia last weekend she suddenly felt something pressed into her back. The man standing behind her told her it was a gun and ordered her into his car, after which he drove her to several ATMs and demanded that she withdraw $500 (£308), but she told him her card was a credit card and wouldn't work in ATMs. He then tried to make her buy cigarettes and beer, and get cash back, but that didn't work either. After 45 minutes of this, he finally told her that he would release her if she gave him $100 (£62). She told him that that was possible, but the money was at a friend's house, and the friend only spoke Spanish, so he agreed to let her phone her friend using her mobile. In Spanish, she told her friend what had happened, and her friend notified the police, who were waiting to pounce when the car pulled up. 45-year-old non-Spanish speaker Ronald Dean Foster was arrested. No weapons were found on him or in the car, and Lopera was unharmed but shaken.

ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Rapper Big Boi arrested for drug possession. Cher Lloyd top UK singles chart; Amy Winehouse' Back to Black holds UK album chart #1, Frank still at #3, Adele's 21 at #2, 19 at #4. Creator Marc Cherry confirms Desperate Housewives to end after ninth series. Rise of the Planet of the Apes debuts at #1 on US box office chart ahead of The Smurfs and Cowboys and Aliens. Apes sequel almost certain. Over 60 UK towns and cities hoping for local television service licenses. Many London theatres cancelled performances or rescheduled for earlier end to avoid recent rioting. Some of late Tony Curtis' art collection including Warhols and Picassos to be auctioned along with movie memorabilia from his career. Jude Law receiving rave reviews for Donmar Warehouse production of Eugene O'Neill's Anna Christie. Dance troupes The Cholmondeleys and The Featherstonehaughs to disband after loss of Arts Council funding. Penelope Keith, Paul Martin to present documentary series following restoration of Avebury Manor. Throat trouble forces Connie Fisher to quit The Sound of Music touring production. Mick Jagger sings in Sanskrit on supergroup SuperHeavy's upcoming album, due September. Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan filming latest version of The Great Gatsby. TV spy drame Spooks to end after tenth series. Rioters set fire to a Sony stock warehouse in London destroying over 1.5m CDs. Monkees cancel remaining nine US tour dates. Amazon bypasses Apple's changed rules banning direct sale links, and 30% fees on the iPad by launching browser-based Kindle reader. Russell Brand sets up own production company. Director David Yates to follow Harry Potter with movie version of Stephen King's The Stand. The Smurfs sequel greenlit [Bluelit? - Ed]. Bruce Willis rumoured for G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation. MySpace reportedly haemorrhaging 1m US users a month; guess Tom Anderson doesn't have as many friends now. BBC axe Johnny Vegas' sitcom Ideal. Obits: TV chef Michael Barry (69), actor John Wood (81), singer Billy Grammer (85).

WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

There may be considerable debate over just how closely Google sticks to its "Do no evil" corporate motto these days, but one of the things in its favour is the publication of the number of government requests made for content to be removed from its services, or for data to be handed over. The Google Transparency Report can be found at this week's site.

http://www.google.com/transparencyreport/governmentrequests/

THE AMAZING NOT-QUITE-RANDOM LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:

2, 16, 20, 28, 38, 41

AND FINALLY...

   Little Jennifer's Uncle Bill had come to dinner, and they were having baked potatoes. Little Jennifer was only eating the insides of hers, much to Bill's concern. He leant across and said "You know, Little Jennifer, the skins are incredibly good for you. When your father and I were young, we weren't allowed to leave the table until we'd eaten ours. We grew to love them, and look how well we turned out!"

   "Gosh, Uncle Bill", Little Jennifer replied, "Do you still like the skins?"

   "Well, yes, I do."

   "Here, have mine," Little Jennifer said triumphantly, pushing her potato skins onto Uncle Bill's plate.