|
Issue #365 - 22 February 2013
|
Friday 22 February - The Stuart dynasty began as Robert II became King of Scotland, 1371. Ladislaus the Posthumous, King of Bohemia and King of Hungary, born, 1440. Explorer Amerigo Vespucci died, 1512. Publication of Galileo's Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems, 1632. Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer born, 1788. Geologist Sir Charles Lyell died, 1875. Actress Drew Barrymore born, 1975. The Broadway play Moose Murders opened and closed on the same night, 1983. Animator Chuck Jones died, 2002. Saturday 23 February - Diarist Samuel Pepys born, 1633. A man calling himself 'Richard Palmer' was identified as wanted highwayman Dick Turpin in York, 1739. Artist Joshua Reynolds died, 1792. Writer and inventor Frederick Wicks born, 1840. Leo Hirschfeld invented the Tootsie Roll, 1896. Soprano Dame Nellie Melba died, 1931. A group of United States Marines and a Navy Corpsman were photographed raising the American flag atop Mount Suribachi during the Battle of Iwo Jima, 1945. Pop singer Howard Jones born, 1955. Soccer player Sir Stanley Matthews died, 2000. World Sword Swallowers' Day. Sunday 24 February - Explorer Ibn Battuta born, 1304. Monteverdi's L'Orfeo, one of the first recognised operas, premièred, 1607. Composer Marc-Antoine Charpentier died, 1704. British general John Burgoyne born, 1723. Inventor Robert Fulton died, 1815. The Zimmerman Telegram was passed to the U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom, 1917. Barrister Sir Edward Marshall Hall died, 1927. Mountaineer Hristo Prodanov born, 1943. Fidel Castro resigned as President of Cuba, 2008. Monday 25 February - Dafydd ap Llewlyn, King of Gwynedd, died, 1246. Composer Johann Philipp Krieger born, 1651. Architect Sir Christopher Wren died, 1723. Colonel William Tate and his troops surrendered after the Last Invasion of Britain, 1797. Artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir born, 1841. Californian miners discovered the Calaveras Skull hoax, 1866. Actors James and Oliver Phelps born, 1986. The Warsaw Pact was declared disbanded, 1991. Peter Benenson, founder of Amnesty International, died, 2005. Tuesday 26 February - Valentinian I was proclaimed Roman Emperor, 364. Playwright Christopher Marlowe born, 1564. Writer Thomas d'Urfey died, 1723. Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from Elba, 1815. Frontiersman William F. "Buffalo Bill" Cody born, 1846. Entertainer Sir Harry Lauder died, 1950. Swimmer Jenny Thompson born, 1973. Barings Bank, Britain's oldest investment bank, collapsed after rogue trader Nick Leeson lost $1.4bn (£916m) on the Singapore International Monetary Exchange, 1995. Actress Wendy Richard died, 2009. Wednesday 27 February - England and the Congregation of Scotland signed the Treaty of Berwick, 1560. Diarist John Evelyn died, 1706. Soap manufacturer Thomas Hazlehurst born, 1779. Poet Lord Byron made his maiden address in the House of Lords, 1812. Luggage manufacturer Louis Vuitton died, 1892. Author John Steinbeck born, 1902. Physilogist and Nobel laureate Ivan Pavlov died, 1936. Actress Kate Mara born, 1983. Publication of the initial version of the John Jay Report into the Catholic sexual abuse scandal in the U.S., 2004. Thursday 28 February - The Han Dynasty began its four-century reign over China with the coronation of Emperor Gaozu, 202 BCE. Cuauhtémoc, Aztec ruler of Tenochtitlan, executed, 1525. Cartographer Guillaume Delisle born, 1675. Robert Nelson proclaimed the independence of Lower Canada (modern-day Quebec), 1838. William McMaster Murdoch, 1st Officer on RMS Titanic born, 1873. Businessman and father of William Randolph Hearst, George Hearst died, 1891. Actress Ali Larter born, 1976. Swedish Prime Minister Olaf Palme assassinated, 1986. U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms launched an attack on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in an attempt to arrest David Koresh, 1993.
This week, John Steinbeck [viz. Wednesday, above]:The profession of book-writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.
Ceramic garden gnomes, invented in Europe in the 18th Century, were introduced to Britain in 1847 by the vegetarian spiritualist Sir Charles Isham, who placed 21 gnomes in the grounds of his estate, Lamport Hall, in the hope that they would attract real gnomes. Only one of Isham's original gnomes - "Lampy" - remains, and is insured for £1m.
A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were:
- Oh, go on, then, eject me. See if I care.
- It's like teaching Urdu to a badger.
- - Is that one of Stark's?
- I don't know. Guy never tells me anything.- Be forewarned. If you download any essay off of the internet, you will be downloaded into detention.
- Freeze? I'm a robot. I'm not a refrigerator.
- - Couples. What could be better than that?
- Singles.
-- Jubilee [1977]- Woman always mess up my last name. I was with a girl the other night and she kept calling me "Getoff." She was like, "Getoff! Getoff!" I'm like, "No, it's Denoff. Denoff." She says, "No, you're fat and you're heavy. Get off!"
-- Source Code [2011]- 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.
-- Donnie Darko [2001]- I finally get a bouquet and it's a goodbye present. That's depressing.
-- Spirited Away [2001]- Look, I know I must look weird to you but how do you think you look to me? Listen, I watched four episodes of Lassie before I figured out why the little hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he rolled over, sure, he did that fine but, I don't think he deserved a series for that.
-- Explorers [1985]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
THEY DON'T SELL RAINCOATS EITHER... A shop in Norwich, England, is having to change its name after receiving up to 24 phone calls a week for products it doesn't sell. The Apple Shop is a speciality food store selling, well, apples and locally-produced cider. Owner Geoff Fisher told reporters that when people phone up about Apple computers, iPods, iPads or iPhones all he can do is say "I'm very sorry, I can't help you, but please do come along and get some proper Norfolk cider to get over your sorrows." The tech firm Apple are infamous for litigiously protecting their name and logo, but Fisher insists that he has had no contact from them, and has "a lot of respect" for the company. After Easter his Apple Shop will be renamed the Norfolk Cider Shop.
A NEW TWIST... Lgendary rock'n'roller Chubby Checker is suing computer manufacturer Hewlett-Packard over an app on the Palm OS store that claimed to estimate the size of male members based on shoe size. The app was called, yep, Chubby Checker. Checker, real name Ernest Evans, had his lawyers issue cease and desist letters against HP and Palm (a subsidiary) last September, and the app was pulled from the store. Lawyer Willie Gary [no, we didn't make that up. - Ed] told reporters that Evans was hurt after working for decades to build his name and reputation only for the app to use his name and trademark without permission. It's estimated that the app was only downloaded 84 times before being withdrawn.
WHAT A BLAST! Two brothers in Wichita, Kansas, won $75,000 (£49,000) on the lottery and decided to celebrate with marijuana and meth. One of them went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they were going to use to light their bongs, but accdentally spilled a large amount of butane lighter fluid, which evaporated, and the vapour reached their heating furnace's pilot light causing an explosion blowing up the house. One of the men was unhurt, but the other, wearing a lottery T-shirt, was driven to hospital - and left there - by his girlfriend, where he was treated for second-degree burns to his chest, arms and hands.
MORE COMBUSTION! Authorities in Oklahoma have not ruled out spontaneous human combustion (SHC) as the cause of death of 65-year-old Danny Vanzandt, whose family found his incinerated body in his home on Monday, with no damage to surrounding furniture or decorations. There have only been around 200 such cases worldwide, and SHC continues to puzzle scientists. Sheriff Ron Lockhart told reporters that "We wasn't saying the guy just busted into flames [..] what we're looking at is an ignition source such as lighting a cigarette and catches himself on fire, sucks the flames down his thoat, and falls down." Most scientists who study SHC believe it has some connection to the wick effect in candles, with fat somehow feeding the heat, producing an intense but contained heat. Vanzandt was an avid smoker and an alcoholic.
DON'T TELL LITTLE JENNIFER... A ten-year-old boy in Brockton, Massachusetts, was sent to bed at 8:00pm, and didn't like it. So he dialled 911 (emergency services) and told the dispatcher that he didn't want to go to bed. The operator called back and his mother admitted that she had goaded him; "I told him to go to bed. He doesn't want to go to bed, so he was like 'I'm gonna call the cops on you.' I said 'Go ahead!' Y'know? I'm like 'Go ahead and call the cops on me then!'" The boy did get to stay up late in the end though as a real cop, with a shiny badge and a gun, turned up to explain to him under what circumstances it's appropriate to call 911. No charges were made, and reports didn't mention what time he eventually went to bed for the night.
BONUS ITEM! There is a well-known game called the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, that holds that any actor working in Hollywood can be linked to actor Kevin Bacon through six movies or fewer by people they have worked with. There is a website [which modesty forbids us from naming, but can be found at http://www.gizmo1.demon.co.uk/jencyclo/jencmain.htm] that claims that there are only Two Degrees of Jennifer - if you don't know a Jennifer yourself, someone you know will. Now research has suggested that any two web pages in the world - and there are estimated to be more than 14 billion pages on the World Wide Web - can be connected to via no more than 19 links.
IN BRIEF: Some carnivorous plants fluoresce with blue light to lure insects. Meteor strike injures hundred, damages buildings in Russia, less than a day before an asteroid passes closer to the Earth than many satellites (not connected though). UK election authorities reveal at the Corby by-election last November an "anti-cookery" party whose candidate was a takeaway chef called Mr Mozzarella received over £72,000 ($110,000) in donations, all from an online food ordering firm - that's almost £1,000 ($1500) for every vote he got. Norway's NRK public TV station broadcasts view of crackling fireplace - for 12 hours. 1785 grave of feral child Peter the Wild Boy in Herfordshire receives Grade II listed status. Irish publican fined after dozens of drinkers dressed as nuns were found in his pub several hours after closing time. Religious satellite TV show Miracle Hour criticised by charities for claiming to have cured chronic illnesses in call-in viewers by prayer. Millions of birds descend on Hopkinsville, Kentucky. Cavemen had better teeth than modern man. Oregon zoo shows off basketball-playing sea otter (it helps relieve his arthritis). Avon, England, fire and rescue service recruits 14-stone pig called Dominic to help them train in how to deal with escaped animals. House burglar scared off by 4.5kg (9.9lb) pet British Giant rabbit who started thumping. Alleged haunted mirror auctions for $155 (£101) on eBay. NASA to send probe to Jovian moon Europa as most likely place in the Solar System to harbour extraterrestrial life. Swedish man on the run for murder for over a year tries to turn himself in, told over entry intercom at police station that he would have to go elsewhere as the station was closed. NASA's Kepler mission finds smallest planet yet detected (about 1/3 Earth-size) orbiting Sun-like star 210 light years away. New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicles refuses to allow Pastafarian to have photo of him wearing a spaghetti strainer on his head as his driver's license photo. Quebec government cancels zombie-themed emergency training exercise. First there was a Kickstarter attempt to raise funds to build a Star Wars Death Star, now there's one to develop X-Wing fighters. Two 1850s steam engines found 90' (27.4m) underwater off Long Branch, New Jersey. Woman using Russian Google Maps to see her house sees Streetview image of her fiancé arm-in-arm with another woman.
UPDATE: The pub landlord reported in the last issue for fighting off attackers without dropping his fish-and-chip supper has been fined for wasting police time over the incident after withdrawing his statement when asked if it was either his girlfriend or himself who caused the stab injury. The search for buried Spitfire WWII fighter planes in Buma has been called off after initial dig drew a blank.
Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker to miss Australian tour due to ongoing fear of flying after experiencing air accident that killed two in 2008. Muse warmed up for Brit Awards with small benefit gig for WarChild charity. Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z confirmed to headline Olympic Park concerts in July. BBC confirms purchase of final series of Borgen to air next year. Memoir by singer Jenni Rivera, killed in plane crash last December, to be published posthumously with family's blessing. Apple design chief Sir Jonathan Ive received gold Blue Peter badge, described as an "inspiration to children around the world." The Louvre returns seven Nazi-lotted artworks to relatives of original owners. Food vendors at 1 March Morrisey concert in Los Angeles to go 100% vegetarian; share of ticket profits to go to PETA. Sony announces PS4 console, light on details, received with general underwhelmed response; also cuts price of PS Vita in Japan after lacklustre sales. HMV administrators confirm new deals with most suppliers ensuring continuity of business, 66 stores still to close. Exhibition of Andy Warhol Polaroid photos opens in London. The Full Monty scriptwriter writes screenplay about Sebastian Coe/Steve Ovett sports rivalry in 70s/80s. Bradd Pitt, Angelina Jolie take over French winery, first bottles of rosé due in March. Prince to play three shows at Montreux Jazz Festival in July. "Deluxe" two-disc edition of Les Miserables soundtrack album to go on sale next month. South African broadcaster defends screening of reality show featuring "blade runner" Oscar Pistorius' shot girlfriend. Opera magazine to hold inaugural awards in London, April. Argo, Zero Dark Thirty take top awards from Writers Guild of America. William Boyd's James Bond novel - title still withheld - to be published in September. Artist Ruth Stage wins £15,000 ($23,000) 2013 Lynn Painter Stainers prize for work reviving Egg Tempera technique. BBC One to adapt War and Peace to six-part drama, written by Andrew Davies. Stage version of The Full Monty opens to rave reviews in Sheffield, likely to transfer to West End in due course. Art historian and collector Sir Denis Mahon leaves £100m ($152m) art collection to the nation on the conditions that the public have free access to it and none of the paintings can be sold. Haringey Council tries to get Arts Council to intervene in sale of Banksy mural removed from a wall. Skyfall, Downton Abbey, Anna Karenina among winners at Costume Designers Guild Awards. A Good Day to Die Hard tops UK/Irish box office ahead of Wreck-It Ralph and This Is 40. Hilary Mantel to receive Bodley Medal for outstanding achievement in literature; weathers storm over comments about media image of the Duchess of Cambridge. Valve opens Linux version of Steam games store. Bruce Springsteen to play Leeds Arena in July ahead of official opening in September. Richard Burton to postumously receive star on Hollywood Walk of Fame next to Elizabeth Taylor's; ceremony to be held on St David's Day (March 1). Romanian film Child's Pose wins Golden Bear at Berlin film festival.
BRIT Awards: Best British Female: Emeli Sandé; Best British Group: Mumford & Sons; Best British Breakthrough: Ben Howard; Best British Male: Ben Howard; Best International Female: Lana Del Rey; Best Live Act: Coldplay; Best British Single: Skyfall (Adele); Best International Group: The Black Keys; Best International Male: Frank Ocean; British Album of the Year: Our Version of Events (Emeli Sandé); Global Success Award: One Direction.
African pop singer Susan Oluwabimpe "Goldie" Harvey (31), country singer Mindy McCready (37), animator Harald Siepermann (50), musician Kevin Ayers (68), Beatles' mentor Tony Sheridan (72), evolutionary geneticist Godfrey Hewitt (73), blues musician Magic Slim (75), astrobiologist David S. McKay (77), actor Richard Briers (79), actress Elspet Gray (83), UK TV host Derek Batey (84), blue/green screen effects pioneer Petro Vlahos (96), screenwriter/producer Richard Collins (98).
Skyfall, the 50th anniversary James Bond film came out on DVD/Blu-Ray in the UK this week, and rather fun it is too - considerably better in our opinion than either Casino Royale or Quantum of Solace, with a title song to match the best of the last half century. However, it does have one or two mistakes in it. This week's site is Movie Mistakes' collection of (at time of writing) 51 errors. How many did you spot?- http://www.moviemistakes.com/film9442
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:14, 24, 25, 38, 39, 40You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer came home from school one day, slammed her satchel down on the kitchen table, sat down and pouted. "What is it, Little Jennifer?" her mother asked.
"Miss was sick today so we had a substitute teacher."
"Well, nobody likes change, Little Jennifer. And think of the teacher finding herself facing you lot!"
"But, Mummy, I don't think she knows anything about anything!"
Little Jennifer's mother stifled a laugh. "Oh, now, Little Jennifer, she wouldn't be a teacher if she didn't know anything."
"Then why did she spend the whole time asking us for the answers?"
^ ...end of line