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Issue #376 - 29 April 2016
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^ WORD OF THE WEEK
betwattled |
Friday 29 April - Joan of Arc arrived at Orléans to relieve the siege, 1429. Poet John Cleveland died, 1658. Polymath Dr John Arbuthnot born, 1667. James Cook arrived at and named Botany Bay, 1770. Alice Keppel, mistress of King Edward VII, born, 1868. Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein died, 1951. The musical Hair opened on Broadway, 1968. Tennis player Andre Agassi born, 1970. Film director Alfred Hitchcock died, 1980. Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare. Saturday 30 April - Poet Lucan died, 65. Christopher Columbus received his commission of exploration from Spain, 1492. Queen Mary II of England born, 1662. The United States more than doubled its size with the Louisiana Purchase, 1803. Enigmatic feral child Kaspar Hauser born, 1812. Meteorologist Robert FitzRoy died, 1865. Actress & model Gal Gadot born, 1985. CERN announced that the World Wide Web protocols would be free, 1993. Singer-songwriter Ben E. King died, 2015. International Jazz Day. Walpurgisnacht (Walpurgis Night) in Central and Northern Europe. Sunday 1 May - Wolphert Gerretse, co-founder of New Amsterdam, born, 1579. The Kingdoms of England and Scotland were legally united to form the Kingdom of Great Britain, 1707. The Great Exhibition opened in London, 1851. Frontierswoman Calamity Jane born, 1852. Missionary & explorer David Livingstone died, 1873. The first Ritual of the Calling of an Engineer was held at the University of Toronto, 1925. Cyclist Henri Pélissier died, 1935. Actress Joanna Lumley born, 1946. Boxer Henry Cooper died, 2011. May Day. Labour Day. International Sunflower Guerrilla Gardening Day. Monday 2 May - Renaissance man Leonardo da Vinci died, 1519. Mary, Queen of Scots escaped from Loch Leven Castle, 1568. Composer Alessandro Scarlatti born, 1660. The first issue of Good Housekeeping magazine went on sale, 1885. Author E.E. "Doc" Smith born, 1890. J. Edgar Hoover, first director of the F.B.I., died, 1972. The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank the Argentine cruiser ARA General Belgrano during the Falklands War, 1982. Singer-songwriter Lily Allen born, 1985. Terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden killed, 2011. Tuesday 3 May - Political pilosopher Niccolò Machiaveli born, 1469. Ottoman sultan Mehmed the Conqueror died, 1481. A total solar eclipse that had been predicted to within 4 minutes' accuracy by Edmond Halley occurred across northern Europe and northern Asia, 1715. Composer Richard D'Oyly Carte born, 1844. Pathologist Howard Taylor Ricketts died, 1910. Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone With the Wind won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, 1937. Singer-songwriter Mary Hopkin born, 1950. The first "spam" email was sent by a DEC marketeing representative to 393 ARPANET addresses on the US west coast, 1978. Rugby player Danny Jones died, 2015. World Press Freedom Day. Wednesday 4 May - Edward of Westminster, Prince of Wales, killed at the Battle of Tewkesbury, 1471. Bartolomeo Cristofori, inventor of the piano, born, 1655. Rhode Island became the first American colony to renounce its allegiance to King George III, 1776. Artist Frederic Edwin Church born, 1826. The Cornwall Railway, linking the English counties of Devon and Cornwall, opened, 1859. Writer E. Nesbit died, 1924. Actress & humanitarian Audrey Hepburn born, 1929. Canadian environmental organisation The Don't Make a Wave Committee changed its name to the Greenpeace Foundation, 1972. Guitarist Emily Remler died, 1990. Star Wars Day. United Nations Anti-Bullying Day. Thursday 5 May - Kublai Khan became ruler of the Mongol Empire, 1260. Thomas Cecil, 1st Earl of Exeter, Lord Lieutenant of Northamptonshire, born, 1542. The Short Parliament was dissolved by King Charles I of England, 1640. Architect Angelo Italia died, 1700. Political philosopher Karl Marx born, 1818. Napoleon, French emperor and general, died in exile on St Helena, 1821. Alan Shepard became the first American to travel into outer space, aboard the sub-orbital Mercury-Redstone 3, 1961. Rower James Cracknell born, 1972. South African anti-apartheid activist and politician Walter Sisulu died, 2003. International Midwives' Day.
This week, Terry Pratchett:"The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one."
(Unseen Academicals)
Some teddy bear trivia this week. In the early years of the last century the Steiff company in Germany and Morris Mitchom in America simultaneously - and seemingly without being aware of each other - started making soft toy bears; Steiff as a new line in its already-established collection of soft toy animals, Mitchtom after seeing a cartoon of US President Teddy Roosevelt refusing to shoot a bear cub that had been tied to a tree after a long chase. Michtom's bears were dubbed 'teddy bears' after the cartoon, and with the permission of Roosevelt. Most teddy bears today tend to have a seated posture, but the original Michtom and Steiff bears were more naturalistic, standing on all fours with longer snouts. Officially a collection of teddy bears is called a 'hug', but many people prefer the collective noun 'picnic'. The song, The Teddy Bears' Picnic was written as a two-step dance instrumental in 1907 by John Walter Bratton. Twenty-five years later lyricist Jimmy Kennedy added words to it, and the first recording of the song with the lyrics "If you go down in the woods today you're sure of a big surprise..." was recorded by Henry Hall and his Orchestra with Val Rosing singing; because of the exceptionally good quality of the recording across a wide tonal range it was used by BBC engineers for more than thirty years to calibrate audio equipment. The most expensive bear ever sold was a collaboration between Steiff and Louis Vuitton, a bear with a designer coat and hat, and a matching miniature Louis Vuitton suitcase. It sold in a Monaco charity auction for $2.1m (£1.7m*). The most expensive vintage bear was a 1905 Steiff Teddy Girl who belonged to Colonel Bob Henderson and survived the D-Day landings with him. Four years after he died it sold at auction in 1994 for £110,000 ($172,000*). The National Association of Police and Lay Charities in America runs the Teddy Bear Cops program to provide bears to police, fire and emergency services that can be given to children caught up in emergencies to comfort them.
* Conversion at current rates of exchange.
A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were:
- I've got blings?... I've got blings!
- By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Worvan, you shall be avenged.
- - Have I gone mad?
- I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.- - The army doesn't like more than one disaster in a day.
- Looks bad in the newspapers and upsets civilians at their breakfast.- We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars. Now we just look down, and worry about our place in the dirt.
- I do what I do best, I take scores. You do what you do best, try to stop guys like me.
-- Heat [1995]- For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster. To me that was better than being president of the United States. To be a gangster was to own the world.
-- Goodfellas [1990]- Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
-- Romeo + Juliet [1996] (and most other versions)- See those little black boxes? They're called telephones. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret about these telephones. They're not gonna dial themselves. Okay? Without you, they're just worthless hunks of plastic. Like a loaded M16 without a trained marine to pull the trigger.
-- The Wolf of Wall Street [2013]- - What were you doing in a Spanish convent, anyway?
- Mistook it for a brothel. Honest mistake.
-- Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides [2011]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
PASTA LA VISTA. We previously reported on the first Pastafarian wedding which took place in New Zealand and driver licensing authorities in various countries allowing Pastafarians to have their driving licence pictures include a colander as religious headwear. In Ireland, where religion still has an increasingly tenuous grip on public life, Noel Mulryan was not so lucky. His first licence application to the Road Safety Authority was rejected because the colander obscured his eyes and forehead. A second application with a smaller colander was also rejected because "his religious beliefs were a parody [..]". He then applied to the Workplace Relations Commission beause without a licence he was unable to drive for work or pleasure, and the RSA had, as he saw it, exercised religious discrimination. The RSA's defence centred on Pastafarianism's core tenets, including that every Friday is a religious holiday and "we are fond of beer". The Commission turned down his appeal because, by his own admission, "he does not wear the colander to work nor does he wear it when out socialising [..]", therefore "the claimant's complaint does not come within the definition of religion and/or religious belief [..]".
BAAARILLIANT! A lamb born on a farm in Wiltshire and called Skippy because "he looks like a kangaroo" has a rare condition that means he cannot grow his own fleece. Abandoned by his mother he is being hand-reared by farm hand Sally-Ann Fisher and to keep him warm at night he has been given a jacket made out of an old jumper - woolly, of course.
NOT JUST 'EARSAY. Tiverton, Devon, resident Samantha Fisher, 25, had suffered from crippling migraine headaches since she was 4, taking up to 11 medications a day without much success, until her mother read an article about an ear piercing curing migraine. Fisher got the 'daith' peircing - through the innermost cartilaginous fold - and although she told reporters that it bled a lot, "as soon as I had it done I felt a relief." The piercing is in the same place acupuncturists target to combat headaches.
WHO YOU GONNA CALL? Who are braver and tougher - policemen or firemen? It may be a hot topic among children, but for a group of police officers in Kansas, there was only one group to call when they got stuck in an elevator between floors - the firefighters. Gregg Favre, head of St Louis Fire Department presumably managed to hold his phone steady for long enough between giggles to tweet a photograph of his men rescuing the stranded policemen - and giving a thumbs-up for the picture.
WELL DOGGONE... Farmer Alan James from Penrhynoch, North Wales, had a surplus of sheepdogs, so agreed to lend one to a farmer 240 miles away in Cockermouth, Cumbria, with a view to a sale if the dog worked out. Then, while herding sheep one day, the dog - called Pero - disappeared. Twelve days later Alan went out to check on his livestock after dinner and there was Pero, sitting on his doorstep, thrilled to be home. It's not known how he made the long journey, or knew where to go, but it's likely that people fed him along the way as he wasn't at all malnourished. There are no more plans to send him to another farm.
IN BRIEF: Halifax Building Society runs mortgage advertising campaign centred around Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Top Cat; doesn't seem to realise that Top Cat lives in a dustbin. Woman fractures ankle while running London Marathon; completes the course anyway. Dyson invests almost £50m ($78m), 4 years, inventing bladeless hair dryer, retails for £300 ($468). Taliban suicide bomber detonates device too early, kills self and 7 fellow Taliban. Tuna fish, seagull, filmed both going for the same sardine, tuna swallows seagull, spits it out, seagull flies off. Naked restaurant opens in London. Fisherman turns dead friend's ashes into bait, catches 180lb fish. Environmental campaigner sets fire to river near fracking site in Australia to demonstrate methane leakage. Florida man stopped while trying to reach Bermuda in 'hydropod' - basically a large inflatable tube similar to a zorb ball. UK Science Minister scuppers Boaty McBoatface as name for new research ship. Woman taking selfie video as she snowboards doesn't notice bear chasing after her; outruns it. Australian builder bitten on penis by redback spider while using Portaloo™. Historic Ferrari racing car worth £10m ($15.6m) given parking ticket in London mews after owners fail to move it in time following warning.
ITV, Channel 4, Five rumoured to be planning bids to take over The Great British Bake Off; latest winner Nadiya Hussein baked cake for Queen Elizabeth II's 90th birthday celebrations; getting own show called The Chronicles of Nadiya. Ofcom investigating Chris Evans' radio show after Jeremy Irons swearing incident in March. Florence Welch debuts final part of short film The Odyssey to accompany How Big How Blue How Beautiful album. Robert De Niro, Jodie Foster, Cybill Shepherd, Martin Scorsese join Taxi Driver 40th anniversary celebration in New York. First trailer released for Ab Fab movie. Disney live/CG The Jungle Book tops US box office, takes more than three times as much as second place The Huntsman: Winter's Call; sequel confirmed. Maleficent sequel, live-action version of Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time, Tim Burton-directed Dumbo, Mary Poppins sequel also on the way. Stan Lee planning first Bollywood film, Chakra The Invincible; live action based on TV cartoon/animated features. Top Gear to get companion spin-off [sorry... -Ed] show Extra Gear on BBC Three. The Revolution to reunite for series of gigs in wake of Prince's death. Broadway musical An American in Paris to open in London's West End next year. BBC cancels Dickensian. Romania expelled from Eurovision Song Contest after non-payment of dues dating back to 2007. Pearl Mackie named as playing new Doctor Who companion. P.J. Harvey gets first UK #1 album with The Hope Six Demolition Project, swiftly replaced as Prince takes top five album chart spots in midweek chart, six tracks also re-entering singles chart. Kirsten Dunst, Donald Sutherland join George Miller-headed Cannes Film Festival jury. English National Ballet names Patrick Harrison as new executive director. Sir Anish Kapoor not happy at addition of world's longest and tallest tunnel slide to Orbit sculpture in London Olympic Park. Comedian Bernie Clifton's new album accidentally has track listing for Death Metal band Abhorrent Decimation. New Shakespeare North theatre to be built in Liverpool suburb of Knowsley.
Musician Prince (Purple Rain, 1999, &al., 57), musician Papa Wemba ("the king of Congolese rumba", 66), writer Jenny Diski (Stranger on a Train: Daydreaming and Smoking around America With Interruptions, 68), actor Barry Howard (Hi-de-Hi!, 78), singer Billy Paul (Me and Mrs Jones, 81), opera singer Mei Baojiu (Peking Opera, 82), actress Madeleine Sherwood (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, 93).
If, like the Editor, you grew up in 1970s Britain, you most likely played the Top Trumps statistics-comparison card game at some point. Well, they're still going. Here's the official site.- http://www.toptrumps.com/
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:1, 24, 31, 34, 45, 48[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer was watching her mother putting on make-up and brushing her hair. "Mummy," she asked, "Why are some of your hairs white?"
Sensing an opportunity to try to teach her daughter to behave better, her mother replied, "Well, Little Jennifer, when I gave birth to you my hairs were all brown, but since then, every time you've been naughty another one has turned white."
Little Jennifer nodded thoughtfully. "I'm sorry, Mummy," she said, "I'll try to be better."
"Thank you, Little Jennifer," her mother smiled, and continued brushing her hair.
A minute or two later Little Jennifer piped up again. "Mummy? Is that why both Granny and Grandad's hair is totally white?"
^ ...end of line