|
Issue #378 - 13 May 2016
|
| Contents | | | | | | | | | | |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
peregrination |
Friday 13 May - The marriage of Mary Tudor, Queen of France and Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk, 1515. Physician Ole Worm born, 1588. The First Fleet left Portsmouth carrying convicts to establish a penal colony in Australia, 1787. Architect John Nash died, 1835. Writer Daphne du Maurier born, 1907. Mobster Mickey Spillane died, 1977. Actress Lena Dunham born, 1986. Students began the mass occupation of Tiananmen Square and hunger strikes, 1989. Psychologist Joyce Brother died, 2013. Abbotsbury Garland Day. Rotuma Day. Saturday 14 May - Henry III of England was captured at the Battle of Lewes, 1264. Henry IV of France died, 1610. Artist Thomas Gainsborough born, 1727. Edward Jenner administered the first smallpox vaccination, 1796. Mathematician Rudolf Lipschitz born, 1832. Composer Fanny Mendelssohn (sister of Felix) died, 1847. The Talyllyn Railway in Wales became the first railway in the world to be entirely operated by volunteers, 1951. Author Eoin Colfer born, 1965. Musician B.B. King died, 2015. National Unification Day in Liberia. Sunday 15 May - Chinese warlord Liu Bei proclaimed himself emperor of Shu Han, 221. Roman emperor Valentinian II died, 392. Korean king Sejong the Great born, 1397. Anne Boleyn stood trial on charges of treason, adultery and incest, 1536. Writer Lady Mary Wortley Montagu born, 1689. Publisher and encyclopaedist Ephraim Chambers died, 1740. Britain tested its first hydrogen bomb in Operation Grapple at Malden Island in the Pacific Ocean, 1957. Artist Edward Hopper died, 1967. Broadcaster Sophie Raworth born, 1968. Monday 16 May - Mary, Queen of Scots fled to England, 1568. Economist Dudley North born, 1641. Fairy tale writer Charles Perrault died, 1703. The marriage of Marie Antionette to Louis-Auguste, Dauphin (later Louis XVI) of France, 1770. Architect Pierre Cuypers born, 1827. Mathematician Joseph Fourier died, 1830. Actress Melanie Lynskey born, 1977. Puppeteer Jim Henson died, 1990. Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom became the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress, 1991. Tuesday 17 May - Artist Sandro Botticelli died, 1510. Anne of Denmark was crowned Queen of Scotland, 1590. Pirate Bartholomew Roberts born, 1682. Catherine I of Russia died, 1727. The first rules of Australian rules football were codified, 1859. Composer Erik Satie born, 1866. Blacksmith John Deere died, 1886. Singer-songwriter Andrea Corr born, 1974. The first legal same-sex marriages in the U.S.A. were performed in Massachusetts, 2004. World Hypertension Day. World Information Society Day. Wednesday 18 May - Poet & astronomer Omar Khayyám born, 1048. The Crusaders' significant presence in the Holy Land ended with the Fall of Acre, 1291. Elias Ashmole, antiquarian around whose collection the Ashmolean Museum was founded, died, 1692. John Bellingham was convicted and sentenced to hang for the assassination of British Prime Minister Spencer Perceval, 1812. Electrical engineer Oliver Heaviside born, 1850. Composer Isaac Albéniz died, 1909. The Mount St Helens volcano in Washington State, U.S.A., erupted, 1980. Voice actor Daws Butler died, 1988. Sailor Jessica Watson born, 1993. World AIDS Vaccine Day. International Museum Day. Thursday 19 May - Anne Boleyn, second wife of Henry VIII of England, executed, 1536. Queen Elizabeth I of England issued an arrest warrant for Mary, Queen of Scots, 1568. Philanthropist Johns Hopkins born, 1795. Biographer of Samuel Johnson, James Boswell died, 1795. Oscar Wilde was released from Reading Gaol, 1897. Cambodian dictator Pol Pot born, 1925. Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday to U.S. President John F. Kennedy at a salute in New York City, 1962. Singer-songwriter Jenny Berggren born, 1972. Journalist and 37th First Lady of the United States, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis died, 1994.
This week, Thomas Babington Macaulay, referencing James Boswell's writing, in Essays Contributed to the Edinburgh Review (1843), Vol. 2:Biographers, translators, editors, all, in short, who employ themselves in illustrating the lives or writings of others, are peculiarly exposed to the Lues Boswelliana, or disease of admiration.
Some owlish trivia this week. There are about two hundred species of owl, most of which are solitary and nocturnal or crepscular (hunting at dawn and dusk), two notable exceptions being the burrowing owl, which lives in family groups, and the northern hawl-owl, which hunts mostly in the day. Owls can be found all over the world, except for Antarctica, Greenland, Svalbard and the other island chains within the Arctic circle. Owls cannot turn their heads right around, but they can turn them to 135 degrees each side, meaning that there is a just a quarter of a circle behind them that they cannot see directly. They need to do this because, like all birds, their eyes are fixed and cannot turn by themselves, but unlike other birds of prey they have forward-facing eyes rather than them being on the sides of their heads. Owls cannot see anything close to their eyes with clarity, so they have small feather-like filoplumes on their beaks to act like feelers. Owls vary in size from the elf owl, weighing as little as 1 oz (31g) and about 5 inches (13.5cm) in height, to the great grey owl which averages between 2.2lb (1 kg) and 2.84lb (1.29kg) and 26-28 inches (67-72cm) in height. As well as excellent distance and night vision, owls have acute hearing, with their facial discs being used to channel sound to their asymetric ears, which help them target its source. Nocturnal owls can fly almost silently thanks to serrations on their feathers which disrupt the airflow behind them, although the cost of this is that their flight feathers are not waterproof. Because of this such owls, including barn owls, have downy body feathers to help keep themselves warm. In ancient African, Native American and Western cultures owls were often associated with death, while the Ancient Greeks influenced the modern association with wisdom, through Athena, the patron goddess of wisdom whose symbol was an owl. Pliny the Elder claimed that owl eggs were a common cure for hangovers. The collective noun for owls is a parliament, either as a group of wise animals or a gathering with a lot of hooting and screeching...
A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were:
- The squire's in Long Neddry for the grouse season. He will return on the feast of St. Lulu. ... Of course, his rich, half-wit son Young Squire Trelawny's here.
- It's not easy having a good time! Even smiling makes my face ache!
- - I AM DEATH!
- Well, that's cast a gloom over the evening...- Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- - The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- An Arabic proverb attributed to a prince who was betrayed and decapitated by his own subjects.
- Well, still, it's a hell of a quote.
- Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
-- Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home [1986]- - You're psychotic.
- That is a three syllable word for any thought too big for little minds.
-- Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice [2016]- Espresso? Is that like reefer?
-- Big Eyes [2014]- You know, this doesn't have to be a bad time in your life. Going to war is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It could be fun.
-- The Hurt Locker [2008]- My teeth are swords. My claws are spears. My wings are a HURRICANE!
-- The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug [2013]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
BOATY! The ongoing saga of the name of Britain's new research ship continues. The government announced last week that despite the public poll favouring Boaty McBoatface by a massive margin, it will be called the RRS Sir David Attenborough after the television pioneer and natural history broadcaster who recently turned 90. The chief executive of the Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) was called before the Commons Science and Technology Committee to discuss whether the poll was a PR disaster or a triumph of public engagement, and how the NERC could build on the increased awareness of their role. Meanwhile a Change.org poll is now calling on Sir David Attenborough to change his name by deed poll to - yes - Boaty McBoatface. The NERC are not totally ignoring the poll results - a remotely operated submersible carried about the RRS Sir David Attenborough will bear the name of Boaty McBoatface.
BUT WILL BOATY SAIL THERE? A professional-looking brochure has appeared at a number of locations around Orkney, the largest of a group of islands off Scotland's north coast, publicising an island called Mama Westray, said to be a favourite vacation spot for actress Cate Blanchett, who keeps a pedal car garaged at the local airport, and visits the Tropical Gardens at Nether Biggings, the world-famous Tomb of the Haddock, the Hall of McFlummery and the annual Ratsmack event, or just goes to see the fish-eating pigs. The only problem is that Mama Westrey does not exist. There is an island called Papa Westrey.
THE END. AGAIN. On Monday the planet Mercury transitted the Sun in an event that lasted 7.5 hours. It's happened before, it will happen again in 2019, and takes place about 13 times every century (it is less common than the other inner planets because Mercury's orbit is at an angle to the Earth's). This did not stop a self-proclaimed prophet claiming that because a new moon and a supermoon also occurred a few days before there would be a series of astronomical alignments - Orion's club would be turned into a mace by the sickle of the new moon when viewed from Jerusalem [more of a polearm, we would have thought], to smite the Lion of Judah (otherwise known as Jupiter being in the constellation of Leo), backed up by Biblical number analysis. As expected by pretty much everyone else, nothing happened other than a small dot crossing the face of the Sun. [We would just like to add that this issue is going out five days after the transit, just over a week after the new moon, dated Friday 13th...]
BAA-RILLIANT! When a police patrol in Birmingham saw three sheep being transported in a Ford Galaxy MPV in the early hours of Tueday morning they became suspicious. According to a West Midlands Police press report the Galaxy's driver tried to outrun them only for the car to be "rammed" into a parked vehicle. The three men in the car then tried to run away on foot but were caught after a police helicopter and dog handlers "flocked" to the scene, and are now "behind baa-rs", thanks to the officers' "shear" determination. The police even released a picture of the sheep in the back of the Galaxy, but blurred their faces "due to their age & vunerability." The sheep, who were none the worse for wear, were temporarily re-homed on a local farm while their owners were being traced.
LAST WORDS. When 86-year-old American grandmother Ruth (last name not given) died earlier this year, she left a very specific demand in her will. To quote the death notice in a local paper, She enjoyed riding horses, crocheting pillows for her grandchildren, and cooking her signature pasta casserols. As stipulated in her will, Ruth wanted to make sure her obituary included this final line: "If you vote for Donald Trump, you seriously must be a f*cking dumb ass.".
IN BRIEF: Flight delayed after ill passenger draws cabin crew's attention to suspicious equations being written by the man sitting next to her (who turned out to be a University professor on the way to a lecture). Man caught by police spray painting his ex's car with the word "CHEETER"; presumably given sentence and dictionary. Council blunder forces mayor to step down just 47 minutes after his inauguration. Estate agent calculates cost of Disney castles - Prince Eric's castle from The Little Mermaid is a snip at just £4m ($5.8m) while the Sultan's palace would set you back £1.75bn ($2.5bn). Woman fakes illness while on blind date hike to get out of it, only for emergency services to be called by her date. Man taking part in costumed mediæval re-enactment throws spear at drone; takes it out. Undertaker driving corpse from Italy to Poland stops for boozy lunch, forgets where he parked the hearse. Britains biggest gold nugget - worth about £55,000 ($80,000) - discovered on Welsh beach. 79-year-old Indian woman gives birth to healthy baby boy. Head teacher says children should read Keats, Shelley and Shakespeare rather than "deeply insentive" and "dark demonic literature" which encourages "difficult behaviour" - such as Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings (and presumably The Hobbit) or those by Terry Pratchett. NASA announces discovery of 1,284 more exoplanets, of which 550 could be rocky and 9 may be suitable for holding water.
Warner Bros. add Harry Potter 4, Privet Drive set to their Studio Tour London attraction. Rapper 50 Cent donates $100,000 (£69,000) to autism charity and apologises after criticism of tweeting himself mocking autistic airport worker. Alan Whicker's papers donated to the British Film Institute. Axl Rose promises "no disrespect" to AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson who he is replacing on their tour. Peter Kay baffles BAFTA audience, viewers, with 55 seconds' silent acceptance 'speech'; many recipients use speeches to criticise UK government ahead of BBC Charter renewal white paper. Rolling Stones join Adele, Neil Young, in telling Donald Trump not to use their music at campaign rallies. Finding Neverland musical to end Broadway run in August, ahead of national tour and London's West End run. Drake tops both UK album and singles chart. Thanksgiving/memorial event for Sir Terry Wogan to be held in Westminster Abbey on September 27. Multi-Story Orchestra (they play in a south London car park) receive Royal Philharmonic Society Music award; will feature in the 2016 Proms. Former child actor Deleriyes Joe Cramer (The Flight of the Navigator [1986], as Joey Cramer) arrested, charged with bank robbery in Canada. Jennifer Lawrence falls over again, this time at the X-Men: Apocalypse London premiere. Megham Trainor pulls Me Too music video after realising that her waistline had been digitally reduced in it. Christmas 2015 UK singles chart topping NHS Choir sign film deal. Inaugural BMI Taylor Swift award given to... Taylor Swift. New BBC Top Gear to debut on May 29; former presenters' new Amazon Prime show to be called The Grand Tour. Eurovision relax flag rules to allow Welsh flag to fly with UK singers.
TV BAFTAS: Drama series: Wolf Hall; Entertainment programme: Strictly Come Dancing; Single documentary: My Son the Jihadi; Current Affairs documentary: Outbreak: The Truth About Ebola; Drama mini-series: This Is England '90; Factual: The Murder Detectives; Live event: Big Blue Live; News coverage: Channel 4 News, Paris Massacre; Female comedy performance: Michaela Cole, Chewing Gum; Male comedy performance: Peter Kay, Peter Kay's Car Share; Single drama: Don't Take My Baby; International: Transparent; Reality and Constructed Factual: First Dates; Supporting actress: Chanel Cresswell, This Is England '90; Radio Times Audience Award: Poldark; Comedy and comedy entertainment: Have I Got News For You; Specialist Factual: Britain's Forgotten Slave Owners; Supporting actor: Tom Courtenay, Unforgotten; Soap and continuing drama: Eastenders; Features: The Great British Bake Off; Entertainment performance: Leigh Francis, Celebrity Juice; Scripted comedy: Peter Kay's Car Share; Lead actress: Suranne Jones, Doctor Foster; Lead actor: Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall. BAFTA Fellowship: Ray Galton OBE and Alan Simpson OBE (Hancock's Half Hour, Steptoe and Son & al.).
Racehorse Comply or Die (2008 Grand National winner, 17), photographer Matt Irwin (36), jurnalist Sally Brampton (British Elle, 60), TV producer Gareth Gwenlan (Only Fools and Horses, 79), film producer Gene Gutowski (The Pianist, 90), TV producer Reg Grundy (Neighbours, 92), actor William Schallert (The Patty Duke Show, 92).
If you have ever seen a ship - either on a UK webcam, or in person - and wanted to identify it, this week's site is for you. The Automatic Identification System (AIS) is a collision avoidance system with which ships broadcast details including their position, name, callsign, heading and destination. Because it works best with line-of-sight it can be picked up by other ships and land-based receivers, normally between 10-20 miles away. The ShipAIS site collates all this to produce maps of the coastline around Britain and the near European ports with the shipping around them, its heading and pop-up or clickable details, which can be refreshed as regularly as every 2 minutes (although not all land-based receivers are on 24 hours a day). As I type this, for example, I can see that the MS Norbay Ro-Ro ferry from Dublin has just entered the Mersey, and sure enough, there it is on one of the local webcams.- http://www.shipais.com/
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:3, 9, 16, 28, 42, 48[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
It was the school holidays and Little Jennifer was bored and being... well, Little Jennifer. Everything her parents suggested they do - like going to the beach, or to see a film - was met with a pouting "No! I don't like that!"
Finally, exasperated, her father decided that they were going to a pick-you-own farm to get strawberries. Little Jennifer pouted all the way there in the car, pouted when they were each given large punnets to fill, and pouted as they headed into the field. "OK, Little Jennifer," her mother said, "You start on that row, Dad can start on the next one and I'll start here." Little Jennifer, still pouting, stomped off to her row and bent down over the strawberry plants. Her mother smiled resignedly at her husband and they started picking their strawberries.
Half an hour later, Little Jennifer's parents had filled their punnets, but Little Jennifer was still busy, so they went over to her to see how she was getting on. "Little Jennifer!" her mother exclaimed, looking at her daughter's empty punnet, "You haven't got any strawberries!"
Little Jennifer looked up, her pout covered in strawberry juice, "I don't like strawberries!"
^ ...end of line