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Issue #417 - 10th March 2017
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
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Friday 10 March - The Romans ended the First Punic War by sinking the Carthaginian fleet at the Battle of the Aegates Islands, 241 BCE. Microscopical anatomist Marcello Malpighi born, 1628. Charles I of England dissolved Parliament beginning the 11-year Personal Rule, 1629. Chemical engineer Johann Glauber died, 1670. Artist William Etty born, 1787. Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call, 1876. Nurse and abolitionist Harriet Tubman died, 1913. Singer-songwriter Neneh Cherry born, 1964. Comedian Dave Allen died, 2005. Saturday 11 March - Architect Donato Bramante died, 1514. Poet Torquato Tasso born, 1544. The first issue of The Daily Courant, England's first national newspaper, was printed, 1702. Henry Tate, founder of one of the companies that became Tate & Lyle, born, 1819. Philsopher & writer Vladimir Odoyevsky died, 1869. The Great Blizzard of 1888 hit the eastern seaboard of the United States, 1888. Singer Nina Hagen born, 1955. Teleivision pioneer Philo Farnsworth died, 1971. A magnitude 9.0 earthquake struck 81 miles (130km) east of Sendai, Japan, causing the tsunami that would trigger the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster the next day, 2011. Sunday 12 March - Astrologer Luca Gaurico born, 1475. Composer John Bull died, 1628. The Red River Campaign in the American Civil War began, 1864. Dancer & choreographer Vaslav Nijinsky born, 1890. Engineer John Westinghouse died, 1914. The St Francis Dam in California failed, killing over 600, 1928. Singer Al Jarreau born, 1940. Janet Reno was sworn in as the United States' first female attorney general, 1993. Writer Terry Pratchett died, 2015. World Day Against Cyber Censorship. Monday 13 March - The Eighty Years' War began with the Battle of Oosterweel, north of Antwerp, 1567. Artist Georges de La Tour born, 1593. Actor Richard Burbage died, 1619. Nojpetén, the capital of the last independent Maya kingdom, fell to the Spanish conquistadors, 1697. Daniel Lambert, at his death the then-heaviest authenticated human in history, born, 1770. Emperor Alexander II of Russia assassinated, 1881. Actress Annabeth Gish born, 1971. Film director & screenwriter Krzysztof Kieślowski died, 1996. The Phoenix Lights were seen over Phoenix, Arizona, 1997. Tuesday 14 March - Author Thomas Malory born, 1471. The Ultimate Pi Day, when the largest correspondence (US date format) between the date and the digits of pi since the Julian calender's introduction, 1592. Composer Georg Telemann born, 1681. Philosopher & economic theorist Karl Marx born, 1883. Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado premiered in London, 1885. Publisher Sylvia Beach, founder of the original Shakespeare and Company bookshop in Paris, born, 1887. Choreographer Busby Berkeley died, 1976. Actor Jamie Bell born, 1986. Linux kernel version 1.0.0 was released, 1994. Pi Day. Wednesday 15 March - Julius Caesar assassinated, 44 BCE. Saint Nicholas, on whom Santa Claus was based, born, 270. Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first voyage to the Americas, 1493. Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States, born, 1767. Australia played England in Melbourne, in the first official cricket test match, 1877. Civil engineer Joseph Bazalgette died, 1891. The first Oxford v. Cambridge Women's Boat Race was rowed, 1927. Filmmaker David Cronenberg born, 1943. Chef Clarissa Dickson Wright died, 2014. World Consumer Rights Day. Thursday 16 March - Roman emperor Tiberius died, 37. Ferdinand Magellan's expedition became the first Spanish to reach the Philippines, 1521. Astronomer Caroline Herschel born, 1750. Composer Giovanni Pergolesi died, 1736. The Wanderers F.C. beat Royal Engineers A.F.C. 1-0 to win the first FA Cup, 1872. Comedian Henny Youngman born, 1906. Author and the first female Nobel Prize in Literature laureate, Selma Lagerlöf died, 1940. Actress Sienna Guillory born, 1975. The supertanker Amoco Cadiz ran aground and split in two three miles off the coast of Brittany, 1978.
This week, Terry Pratchett, from Men at Arms:The Librarian was, of course, very much in favour of reading in general, but readers in particular got on his nerves. There was something, well, sacrilegious about the way they kept taking books off the shelves and wearing out the words by reading them. He liked people who loved and respected books, and the best way to do that, in the Librarian's opinion, was to leave them on the shelves where Nature intended them to be.
A bag of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were all from films starring Jennifer Garner:
- The two basic items necessary to sustain life, are sunshine and coconut milk... did'ya know that?
- Uh oh. Underwear on the highway. Uh oh.
- I know you're trying to be all mystical and Kung Fu-ey, but could you at least tell me where we're going?
- You kids wanna pick your nose and flick your boogers? Do it! [..] But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one.
- Are you here for an affair, sir?
- My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff.
-- Dude, Where's My Car? [2000]- They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die. And it's true, even for a blind man.
-- Daredevil [2003]- I got one... one life, right? Mine. But I want someone else's sometimes.
-- Dallas Buyers Club [2015]- - Oh, Donna, look. You got a grenade launcher.
- Oh, my God, I love grenade launchers.
-- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past [2009]- - Eminem's on the phone; he wants an answer now.
- Umm... plain. [..] Peanut? Plain!
-- 12 Going on 30 [2004]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
NOT SO SMART. There is an initiative in the UK to replace household electricity and gas meters which have to be read manually with so-caled smart meters that send back usage data to suppliers automatically and can give usage and cost details to householders, generally via mobile phone apps. Despite much of the back-end infrastructure being way behind schedule, some electricity companies have fitted the new meters and their customers can see what their usage is costing. Except for a software bug in SSE (formerly Scottish and Southern Energy) smart meters that led to some customers posting pictures of the app on social media after it claimed that their daily usage cost was in the tens - or hundreds - of thousands of pounds. SSE pologised and assured concerned customers that they would not be charged the excessive amounts.
GORMLESS POSITIONING SYSTEM. Last May 34-year-old David Carlin decided to take his 50' (15.24m) Second World War boat across the Humber Estuary one foggy day. His boat did not have a compass so he planned to navigate using a navigation app on his iPad. Unfortunately his iPad connected by WiFi, which was fine on shore but unsurprisingly disappeared once out on the water. Having completely lost track of his bearings, Carlin's boat Peggotty then crashed into a cargo ferry and sank within 30 minutes. Carlin and his passenger put out a mayday call and were rescued. Carlin has been fined £3,000 ($3,650) and suspended from his job - he was, unbelievably, a pilot with Associated British Ports.
CALL THE PEELERS! Last month a man burst into a takeaway in Atherton, Greater Manchester, brandishing what he said was a gun concealed in a bag and shouting "open that ****ing till now!" One of the workers thought the gun looked a bit bendy and challenged him, at which point he fumbled in his pocket for another weapon before running off empty-handed - except for the 'gun' which CCTV analysis revealed was most likely a banana.
ILLUMINATING. An elderly Homewood, Alabama, man indentified only as Mr Frank is so concerned that people running a stop sign at the end of his street might crash into the tree in his front yard that he leaves his Christmas lights around it up all year. Recently an anonymous letter was put through his door reading "We are a group of your neighbors who are concerned about the appearance of some homes on the street (and property values.) We are writing to ask you to remove your Christmas decorations!!!" also suggesting that he clean up his yard and remove some plants or consider selling up so his house can be "torn down (so a new one can be built that is more fitting with the other homes on the street)." Mr Frank grew up in Homewood and moved back after his mother died, and is thought to have been behind signs warning drivers to slow down in case children playing on the streets. A neighbour told reporters that Mr Frank "works in his yard nonstop", and has most likely increased local property values. Since the letter other neighbours have sent him almost 100 cards and given him baked goods to show their support. Thirty homeowners have also put their Christmas lights back up.
WOMEN. International Women's Day was this Wednesday, which also happened to be the Spring Budget announcement in the UK. To cover the Budget, the ITV TV channel dropped the daily broadcast of Loose Women [the UK version of The View in the USA]; the irony was not lost on social media. Over in the USA, noted misogynist Donald Trump [comments revealed during campaign; signing executive order restricting women's abortion rights while surrounded by entirely male Cabinet &c] tweeted his support for women only to have his earlier actions tweeted back at him. In New York City the iconic bull sculpture on Wall Street was faced down by the statue of a young girl to draw attention to gender inequality and the pay gap in corporate culture. Also in New York the Statue of Liberty briefly went dark (except for her torch); officials blamed a power issue, but the symbolism of one of America's most iconic - and female - icons going dark on International Women's Day (and the concurrent Day Without Women action) was not lost on anyone.
IN BRIEF: Around 150,000 websites hosted on Amazon Web Services knocked offline for several hour by typing mistake during routine debugging. Value of a unit of virtual currency Bitcoin tops value of an ounce of gold for the first time. Malta's Azure Window limestone arch toppled by strong weather, years of wear from tourists. Humpback whale photographed breaching in Scotland's Firth of Forth. Suitcase donated to Welsh charity shop found to contain plans of former British nuclear submarine [long since declassified though]. Google Home caught reading out fake news. Planter used to grow tulips at Blenheim Palace discovered to be Roman sarcophagus worth over £300,000 ($36,500). Donald Trump 'Make America Great Again' baseball caps redesigned for St Patrick's Day, complete with shamrock logo on back - except it is not a shamrock, it is a four-leafed clover. SpiceJet airline's 737 forced to divert minutes into flight after "pungent smell" coming from forward toilet overcomes nearly 200 crew and passengers. Woman who orders pineapple marguerita receives cheese pizza with $5 (£4.11) note and apology "Couldn't bring myself to put pineapple on it. That's gross. Sorry" written inside box lid. Average Brit buys 96 packets of biscuits a year. Goldfish given Viking funeral - complete with (small) burning boat - by primary school children. Wild turkeys filmed circling dead cat; experts baffled. Dead Crocodile Shark washes up on Devon beach; species normally only found in tropical waters. Residents of Onoway, Canada, discovered their tap water turned fuschia; town council assured them that it was safe and a result of a stuck valve during normal line flushing and filter cleaning.
Emma Watson takes Book Fairies project worldwide for International Women's Day, leaving books by Caitlin Moran, Maya Angelou with handwritten notes for people to discover, read and pass on. Adele finally confirms marriage. Daniel Radcliffe, currently playing to good reviews in Tom Stoppard's Hamlet-inspired Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead says he would love to do Shakespeare, but not just for the sake of it and fears he does not known enough to take it on yet. Sonata by Fanny Mendelssohn, long-attributed to her brother Felix performed under her own name for first time. Gareth Thomas quits The Jump for 'personal reasons'. George Michael autopsy results released; he died of heart and liver disease. Glastonbury Festival line-up leaked; Ed Sheeran is third headliner, Diana Ross to play 'legends' slot. Imogen Poots making West End debut headlining Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? A Legacy of Spies, John Le Carre's first George Smiley novel in over 25 years to be published in September. 2000AD comic's Judge Dredd strip celebrates 40th birthday. Nintendo Switch is company's fastest-selling console; many complaints of dead pixels. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child gets record 11 Olivier Award nominations. Shakira, Vibes accused of plagiarism over 2016 Grammy Latino-winning song La Bicicleta. Sir Bruce Forsyth spends five nights in intensive care after severe chest infection. Sir Patrick Stewart applying for US citizenship so he can fight Trump (He's been a permanent resident and taxpayer since 1987). UK Culture Secretary Karen Bradley 'minded' to order Ofcom report into 21st Century Fox's planned takeover of Sky. BBC confirms second seasons of Taboo and The Night Manager; cancels The Coroner. Rebooted Top Gear reboot gets warm reviews, still room for improvement. Game of Thrones season 7 advance poster hints at Daenerys Targaryen-Jon Snow meeting. ITV's The Nightly Show still tanking. New Order to play with 12-piece synthesiser ensemble inside art installation for Manchester International Festival in June. Final teaser for Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi screened for investors, journalists.
'Giant tusker' elephant Satao II (50), comic book artist Dave Hunt (Supergirl, Legion of Super-Heroes, 74), actress Míriam Colón (Scarface, 80), artist Sir Howard Hodgkin (1985 Turner Prize, 80), aviator Thor Tjøntviet (first person to fly over both Poles in the same trip, 80), physicist Ronald Drever (gravitational waves detection, 85), film & TV producer Fred Weintraub (Enter the Dragon, 88), surgeon Thomas Starzl (world's first liver transplant, 91).
Want to know when the International Space Station will be overhead and (weather permitting) visible? This is NASA's Spot The Station.- https://spotthestation.nasa.gov/
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:10, 19, 39, 44, 49, 54[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer's parents had been trying to instill politeness in her. After seeing a girl at the shops telling her friends to "shut up" Little Jennifer's mother waited until they were in the car going home and told her daughter "You know, Little Jennifer, telling someone to 'shut up' can be hurtful and mean. That girl should have found another way to ask them to be quiet." Little Jennifer nodded and sat quietly, thinking about what her mother had said.
Before their lesson the next day in school the children were all chattering when their teacher came in. "Children, quiet please," she said, to little effect, until a small voice piped up "Silence, peasants!"
^ ...end of line