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Issue #419 - 31st March 2017
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
autocthon |
Friday 31st March - Bianca Maria Visconti, Duchess of Milan, born, 1425. The Alhambra Decree, ordering 150,000 Jewish and Muslim subjects of Queen Isabella of Castille to convert to Christianity or face expulsion, was issued, 1492. Philosopher & mathematician René Descartes born, 1596. Poet John Donne died, 1631. The Eiffel Tower was officially opened, 1889. Financier J.P. Morgan died, 1913. Ice hockey player Gordie Howe born, 1928. Netscape released the source code to the Netscape Communicator web software under an open source license, as 'Mozilla', 1998. Actor, writer & comedian Ronnie Corbett died, 2016. International Transgender Day of Visibility. World Backup Day. Saturday 1st April - Eleanor of Aquitaine died, 1204. The Scots captured Berwick-upon-Tweed from the English, 1318. Physician William Harvey born, 1578. The serialisation of Charles Dickens' Hard Times in Household Words magazine began, 1854. Actor Lon Chaney born, 1883. Pianist & composer Scott Joplin died, 1917. Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak & Ronald Wayne founded Apple Inc., 1976. Tennis player Mirka Federer born, 1978. Singer & songwriter Marvin Gaye shot dead by his father, 1984. April Fools Day. Edible Books Day. Fossil Fools Day across Canada and the USA. Sunday 2nd April - Frankish king Charlemagne born, 742. Arthur, Prince of Wales died, 1502. Explorer Juan Ponce de Léon first sighted land in what is now known as Florida, 1513. Explorer, writer, librarian & lover Giacomo Casanova born, 1725. Botanist Johann Dillenius died, 1747. Beethoven led the premiere of his First Symphony in Vienna, 1800. Actor Alec Guinness born, 1914. Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands, 1982. Filmmaker Jesús "Jess" Franco died, 2013. World Autism Awareness Day. International Children's Book Day. Monday 3rd April - The coronation of Edward the Confessor as King of England, 1043. Poet George Herbert born, 1593. Indian emperor Shivaji, founder of the Maratha Empire, died, 1680. In the American Civil War Union forces captured Richmond, Virginia, capital of the Confederate States, 1865. Actor & singer Dooley Wilson born, 1886. Composer Kurt Weill died, 1950. Chess world champion Bobby Fischer refused to play a match against Anatoly Karpov, surrendering the title by default, 1975. Actress Cobie Smulders born, 1982. War chief, historian & author Joe Medicine Crow died, 2016. Tuesday 4th April - Explorer Francis Drake was knighted, 1581. Mathematician John Napier died, 1617. Sculptor Grinling Gibbons born, 1648. Writer Oliver Goldsmith died, 1774. The Kennel Club was founded, 1873. Japanese admiral Isoroku Yamamoto born, 1884. The World Trade Center in New York City was dedicated, 1973. Actor Heath Ledger born, 1979. Film critic & screenwriter Roger Ebert died. 2013. International Day for Mine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action. Wednesday 5th April - Bernard I, Margrave of Baden-Baden, died, 1431. Philosopher Thomas Hobbes born, 1588. Pocahontas married John Rolfe in Virginia, 1614. Artist Jean-Honoré Fragonard born, 1732. Poet Edward Young died, 1765. Archaeologists in Knossos, Crete, unearthed a cache of clay tablets bearing writing in Linear B script, the earliest attested form of Greek, 1900. Actress Bette Davis born, 1908. Massive demonstrations protesting against the Vietnam War took place across the United States of America, 1969. Comic strip author & artist Dale Messick died, 2005. Thursday 6th April - Julius Caesar was victorious at the Battle of Thapsus, 46 BCE. King Richard I of England died, 1199. Artist Raphael born, 1483. Queen Elizabeth I of England's spymaster Francis Walsingham died, 1590. Jan van Riebeeck established a resupply camp at the Cape of Good Hope, that would eventually become Cape Town, 1652. Writer Jean-Baptiste Rousseau born, 1671. ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest with "Waterloo", 1974. Musician Myleene Klass born, 1978. Entertainer Mickey Rooney died, 2014. Tartan Day in the United States & Canada. International Day of Sport for Development and Peace.
This week, George Herbert:The best mirror is an old friend.
A mixed bag of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films starring Hugh Grant:
- Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.
- I'm an adult. I want to have fun. I want to go to Liverpool and discover the Beatles.
- To touch you... and to feel you. To be able to hold your hand right now. Do you know what that means to me? Do you - do you know how much I love you?
- Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
- - Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
- About fifty thousand times.
- First of all, l'd like to thank all of you who've flown in from the States. I'm really touched. As for the rest of you, l'd have thought that lots of frightful Americans flying in was an excuse for staying away, so I thank you, too.
-- Four Weddings and a Funeral [1994]- Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother.
-- Bridget Jones's Diary [2001]- - There's something wrong with this yogurt.
- Ah, that's not yogurt, that's mayonnaise...
- Ah, right-o then. [Continues eating]
-- Notting Hill [1999]- I change my cars as regularly as a snake sheds its skin.
-- The Lair of the White Worm [1988]- I am Colin. God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.
-- Love Actually [2003]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
...AND MANY ARE STILL IN THE HOUSE OF LORDS... A proposed reclassification of dinosaurs suggests that many of them could have originated up to 15 million years earlier than previously thought and further north, including in the area which is now Great Britain. The current scheme, developed 130 years ago broadly separates dinosaurs into 'bird-hipped' and 'lizard-hipped' groups, with the former group being entirely plant-eating and the latter split into both plant- and meat-eaters. The new analysis suggests that some meat-eaters, including the Tyrannosaurus Rex should be moved into the Ornithischia ('bird-hipped') group. The new system would also account for two important fossil discoveries in Scotland which have, until now been dismissed, but would be located early on the development tree. It also explains how birds could have developed from dinosaurs currently, and mistakenly, classified in the Saurischia ('lizard-hipped') group.
IT'S AN AD COMPANY... Google might be synonymous with searching for information, but the company makes most of its money through advertising. It was hardly surprising - though unwelcome - therefore when their much-touted Google Home personal assistant began spouting adverts. A video uploaded by Home user Bryson Mueller shows the device responding to the question "Okay Google, what's my day like?" with the time, weather and traffic information, only to be followed by "By the way, Disney's live action Beauty and the Beast opens today. For some more movie fun, ask me something about Belle. Have a good one." The incident sparked a backlash against the $129 (£104) device. Google's initial response was the ludicrous "This isn't an ad: the Beauty in the Assistant is that it invites our partners to be our guests and share their tales" before, some time later, the more considered "This wasn't intended to be an ad. [...] we sometimes call out timely content." The ad was quickly pulled from Google Home.
CATASTROPHIC. When electrician Andrew Bickel was repairing a faulty light in a Cardiff cat charity's shop he briefly put down his tools to nip outside and get something from his van. When he came back he found his tools were missing and asked the woman on the till if she had moved them. She put her hand over her mouth in shock and admitted that she had sold them to a man who had brought them to the till and asked how much they were as there was no price tag. £200 ($248) worth of tools including an electricity tester, had been sold for just £1 ($1.24). Mr Bickel, who is also allergic to cats, saw the funny side and posted the incident to Twitter from where it went viral, and a local company offered him a new set of tools for free, although the buyer has since returned his original tools.
ON TRACK. Public information displays at railway stations are not generally associated with happiness, tending to be harbingers of delays, but commuters passing through Glasgow Central station in Scotland after work last week saw something else. A man identified only as Craig had arranged for the following message: "Linsay, we met here on our first date exactly three years ago. Tonight I am asking you to make these happy times go on forever... will you marry me?" ScotRail was inundated with requests for her response on Twitter, and happily replied "SHE SAID YES! Big congratulations to Linsay & Craig!"
ANIMAL ROUND UP. Cyclone Debbie has brought wind and rain to Australia (and, ironically, disrupted the BBC's Skywatching Live which relocated down under this year because of the poor weather in England), and to one Queensland street, Debbie delivered a man-eating shark. Emergency workers carrying out inspections after flood waters had receded discovered the dead shark in a puddle. Authorities quickly reiterated warnings against venturing into flood waters, even as they recede. Meanwhile golfers at a fund-raising tournament at the Osprey Point Golf Course on Kiwah Island, 25 miles southwest of Charleston, South Carolina, who are used to dealing with squirrels on the course, encountered something a bit larger - an alligator estimated at 18-20' (5.4-6m) in length that took a stroll across the green. One player ran back to her golf cart to check on the protocol for dealing with an alligator, which seems to have been settled at "let the 'gator play through, then carry on". The alligator went back into the water on the other side of the green and has not been seen since. A dog in Berkshire, England, has been given a 'wheelchair' with peddles after breaking its back; the peddles - coupled with weekly hydrotherapy - should keep his back legs exercised as he walks. A new breeding population of critically endangered Indochinese tigers has been discovered in a Thai national park. Five-legged lamb born on Derbyshire farm named Forrest in the hope that the extra leg will make him love running as much as Forrest Gump. Indonesian villagers recover body of man swallowed whole by 7m (23') python. Road collapse blamed on badgers tunnelling underneath. Matador has to have rectum surgically reconstructed after being gored by bull. island
IN BRIEF: Bosnian taekwondo champion Kerim Ahmetspahic sets new world record after breaking 111 concrete building blocks with his head. 450-million-year-old fossil discovered in ancient volcanic rock named Cascolus Ravitis after Sir David Attenborough; 'Cascolus' is the Latin rendering of the Old English equivalent of 'Attenborough' and 'Ravitis' a reference to the Roman name for Leicester, where the famed naturalist and broadcaster used to live. Japan turning to Fawlty Towers to help teach English ahead of 2020 Tokyo Olympic and Paralympic Games. Former resident leaves £700,000 ($873,250) to recreation ground in Somerset village of Porlock. Parasitic twin surgically removed from back and shoulder of baby. Romanian online dictionary temporarily changes meanings of words to thwart mock exam cheats. Shia LaBoeuf's anti-Trump protest moved to Liverpool after being thrown out of the USA, then shut down over health and safety concerns. Solid gold 53cm- (21")-wide Canadian coin with face value of CA$1m (£601,409; $752189) but actually worth four times as much, stolen from German museum. UK student spots error in NASA data from ISS radiation sensors. Two robbery suspects turn themselves in after police share mannequin challenge picture found on phone in car suspected of being used in getaway. Hotel owner threatened with ASBO (Anti-Social Behaviour Order) after naming his business The Viagra Hotel. Learner driver finally gets license after 25 years, 14 instructors and 33 attempts. Woman found to have mushrooms growing inside her stomach. US military tests electromagnetic railgun that can shoot projectiles from ships at up to Mach 6. Wheel of Fortune contestant fails to name film despite missing just one letter (A STREETCAR NA_ED DESIRE) - yes, they suggested 'K'... Woman assaults mother with cheeseburger at McDonald's Drive-Thru. James Blunt reveals that You're Beautiful is reality about drugged-up guy stalking another man's girlfriend in the subway. Just in time for Easter, food blogger Annem Hobson launches cheese eggs.
Strictly Come Dancing: The Spectacular cancelled after outcry over ticket, extras, prices leads to poor sales. Amy Schumer forced to pull out of live action Barbie film over scheduling. Malaysian censors agree to release of Beauty and the Beast without cuts after Disney threatened to pull film over censorship of brief gay character scene. Lawsuit against The Big Bang Theory's use of the 'soft kitty' lullaby withdrawn. Bob Dylan to finally meet with Nobel academy in private to receive literature award, will deliver taped lecture later (taped, rather than live, lectures have a precedent, including Alice Munro in 2013). Professor Brian Cox to play scientist on Postman Pat. Public memorial service for Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher to be held in Los Angeles this weekend. UK Culture Secretary Karen Bradley rules out privatising Channel 4, suggest that it could be moved away from London. Plans to construct 9m (30') 'ZiggyZag' memorial sculpture to David Bowie opposite Brixton Underground Station dropped after crowdfunding effort fails to gather costs. Bob Iger reveals that Disney has plans for 15 more years of Star Wars films. Ukraine bars Russian entrant Julia Samoilova from Eurovision Song Contest over visit to Russia-annexed Crimea. Freddie Fox to voice CGI Dennis the Menace for CBBC. Gary Barlow reveals he has a role in The Last Jedi, but not what. Private funeral held for George Michael. Numerous big brands pulling advertising from Google over YouTube ad placements. Prue Leith, Sandi Toksvig, Noel Fielding named as new Great British Bake Off judge and presenters. Hollywood screenwriter Gary Goldman accuses Disney of plagiarism over Zootopia. Channel 4 confirms third series of Humans. Jay Z planning Trayvon Martin film, TV series. Katy Perry to headline BBC Radio 1's Big Weekend in Hull, May. Liverpool to stage arts festival reinterpreting songs from Beatles' St Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band to mark album's 50th anniversary. Mariah Carey announces All I Want movie based on her song for December release. Paul O'Grady to host rebooted Blind Date for Channel 5 (original 1985-2003 ITV show was hosted by his close friend, the late Cilla Black). Phoebe Waller-Bridge wins two RTS awards for Fleabag, sparks inevitable speculation over casting as next Doctor Who. Piers Morgan stays off Twitter for 24 hours, photographed in Tottenham Hotspurs' strip after campaign backed by Alan Sugar raised £50,000 ($62,535) for Comic Relief. On the night, Comic Relief raises £71m ($88.8m), but sparks possible Ofcom investigation after over 150 complaints of pre-watershed language and sketch content received. Portraits sold 100 years ago to be returned to Wrest Park in Bedfordshire, and restored. Robert Downey Jr to play Doctor Doolittle for Universal. Sir Ian McKellen to present one-man performance of reminiscences from his career to benefit London's Park Theatre. ITV's dire The Nightly Show experiment drawing lower ratings than displaced News at 10 did in same time slot. William Fichtner to front new US version of Top Gear.
Kwakwaka'wakw activist and carver Beau Dick (61), politician and former terrorist leader Martin McGuinness (former deputy first minister of Northern Ireland, 66), writer & comic book artist Bernie Wrightson (Swamp Thing, Batman, 68), actress Darlene Cates (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, 69), actor Joe Mafela (Shout at the Devil, Zulu, 75), singer Clem Curtis (The Foundations, 76), soccer player & coach Ronnie Moran (Liverpool F.C., 83), writer David Storey (Saville, This Sporting Life, 83), writer Colin Dexter (Inspector Morse, 86), poet Sir Derek Walcott (1992 Nobel laureate, Omeros, 87), musician Chuck Berry Johnny B. Goode, My Ding-a-Ling, &al., 90), banker & philanthropist David Rockefeller (101).
It can be difficult both for artists and craftspeople to find markets for their work and for buyers to find that special something for themselves or as a gift. Etsy is an online store where creative people can sell their work, currently hosting more than a million independent sellers.- https://www.etsy.com/
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:10, 16, 20, 28, 37, 41[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer's parents were talking to the priest after church. "And how is your brother Peter," he asked Little Jennifer's mother, "Is he still working at the African mission, as I think you said? His wife must be missing him." Little Jennifer began tugging at her mother's dress.
Pushing her daughter's hand away, her mother replied, "Oh yes, father, and you'll be pleased to hear how well he is doing. He hasn't so much as looked at another woman in over three years now, he always gets to bed on time, and he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol in all those years either." Little Jennifer started pulling at the dress again, and was, again, swatted away.
"My word, you must be so proud of him," the priest said.
Little Jennifer piped up. "Mummy says we'll throw a big party for him when he gets paroled next month!"