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Issue #420 - 7th April 2017
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
procyonine |
Friday 7th April - Attila the Hun sacked Metz, 451. Artist Gerrit Dou born, 1613. Highwayman Dick Turpin executed, 1739. Marietta, Ohio, was established as the first permanent American settlement in the Northwest Territory, 1788. Cereal company founder Will Kellogg born, 1860. Showman P.T. Barnum died, 1891. The Internet was (symbolically) born with the publication of RFC 1, 1969. British astronaut Tim Peake born, 1972. Dave Arneson, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, died, 2009. National Beer Day in the USA. World Health Day. Saturday 8th April - Ruler of the Florentine Republic Lorenzo de' Medici died, 1492. Astronomer David Rittenhouse born, 1732. Three British ships captured the Spanish Princess, in the War of Jenkins' Ear, 1740. Writer Dionysios Solomos born, 1798. The Venus de Milo was discovered, 1820. Founder of the eponymous elevator company Elisha Otis died, 1861. Figure skater Sonja Henie born, 1912. During the Siege of Leningrad Soviet forces opened up a rail link to the city, 1942. Actress Annette Funicello died, 2013. Sunday 9th April - Margaret, Maid of Norway, Queen of Scotland, died, 1283. The coronation of Henry V as King of England, 1413. Sir Walter Raleigh's expedition to establish the Roanoke Colony sailed from England, 1585. John Davenport, co-founder of the New Haven Colony, born, 1597. Poet & artist Dante Gabriel Rossetti died, 1882. Cookery writer & broadcaster Nigel Slater born, 1958. NASA announced the selection of the Mercury Seven astronauts, 1959. Architect Frank Lloyd Wright died, 1959. Actress Kristen Stewart born, 1990. Vimy Ridge Day in Canada. Monday 10th April - Halley's Comet made its closest approach to Earth at 3.2m miles (5.1m km), 837. Louis the Stammerer, King of West Francia, died, 879. King James V of Scotland born, 1512. The Statute of Anne, the first copyright law, came into force in Great Britain, 1710. Writer William Hazlitt born, 1778. Astronomer Joseph-Louis Lagrange died, 1813. RMS Titanic set sail from Southampton on her maiden voyage, 1912. Soprano Lesley Garrett born, 1955. Novelist & playwright Sue Townsend died, 2014. Tuesday 11th April - Roman emperor Septimius Severus born, 145. Welsh prince Llewelyn the Great died, 1240. The joint coronation of William III and Mary II of England, 1689. Composer John Alcock born, 1715. The inauguration of the Concertgebouw in Amsterdam, 1888. Joseph Merrick, "the Elephant Man", died, 1890. Actress Shirley Stelfox born, 1941. UK Customs officers claimed to have seized sections of a supergun barrel en-route to Iraq, 1990. Writer Kurt Vonnegut died, 2007. World Parkinson's Day. International Louie Louie Day. Wednesday 12th April - Soldiers of the Fourth Crusade breached the walls of Constantinople, 1204. Luthier Nicola Amati died, 1684. Composer Felice Giardini born, 1716. Astronomer Charles Messier died, 1817. The Broughton Suspension Bridge in Manchester, England, collapsed under the mechanical resonance of soldiers marching across it in step, 1831. Soprano Lily Pons born, 1898. The Space Shuttle Columbia launched on the first Shuttle mission, STS-1, 1981. Tennis player Jelena Dokic born, 1983. Illustrator and creator of the 'smiley', Harvey Ball, died, 2001. Yuri's Night (International). Thursday 13th April - Scottish king Donald I died, 862. Plotter Guy Fawkes born, 1570. Handel's Messiah premiered in Dublin, 1742. Modern steam engine pioneer Richard Trevithick born, 1771. Geologist Henry De la Beche died, 1855. The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City was founded, 1870. Activist Madalyn Murray O'Hair born, 1919. An oxygen tank aboard the Apollo 13 spacecraft exploded en route to the Moon, 1970. Nobel Prize laureate writer Günther Grass died, 2015.
This week, Sue Townsend:I've always loved books. I'm passionate about them. I think books are sexy. They are smooth and solid and contain delightful surprises. They smell good. They fit into a handbag and can be carried around and opened at will. They don't change. They are what they are and nothing else.
A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were all from films starring Nicolas Cage:
- - We don't know what we are dealing with here. It's S.O.P. to call reinforcements when it's insecu...
- *We are*... the reinforcements.- I may be a king, but I'm a wrestler first.
- Really? Blow dart in my butt cheek?
- OK, who wants an 'A' in independent study? I'm starting a new class: "How to save lives by hacking media outlets".
- - You do know how to fly this thing, right?
- How did you think we got here?
- Well, you crashed, remember?
- Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.
-- Rasing Arizona [1987]- I'm an adult. I want to have fun. I want to go to Liverpool and discover the Beatles.
-- Peggy Sue Got Married [1986]- To touch you... and to feel you. To be able to hold your hand right now. Do you know what that means to me? Do you - do you know how much I love you?
-- City of Angels [1998]- Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
-- National Treasure [2004]- - Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom?
- About fifty thousand times.
-- Wild at Heart [1990]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
NOTED... When the Bank of England introduced the new £5 ($6.24) notes it faced immediate criticism from vegans, Sikhs and Hindus because a small amount of tallow was used to produce them. The Bank has had the production reformulated, but now faces criticism because the new method replaces the tallow with palm oil, and palm oil production was responsible for 8% of the world's deforestation between 1990 and 2008. A spokesman for the Rainforest Foundation said that "it would depend on where the Bank of England source it"; the Bank issued a statement saying that it is committed to only using sustainable levels should it choose to proceed with the new production technique, adding that the amount needed is so small (the entire initial print run used about one cow's worth of tallow) that it should not affect global production levels. A new plastic £10 ($12.48) note is due to enter circulation in September.
HANG ON... Organisers of the Manchester Passion thought they had come up with a fundraising solution this Easter. People would be able to pay £750 ($936) to be crucified - though strapped, rather than nailed and without the scourging, thorns and associated mutilation - as part of the event. Senior clergy, however, had different ideas, citing blasphemy and health and safety concerns to have "The Crucifixion Experience" withdrawn. Alex Stewart-Clark, who conceived the scheme, which would have raised money for the homeless, poor and asylum seekers, retorted that while the sacrilige issue was a grey area, nobody has fallen off the cross in the 50-year history of the festival. People who want to take part in the drama can still donate to be a member of the Palace Guard, a soldier, a disciple or a member of the crowd.
ROMANES EUNT DOMUS! Houses on a new development in the university city of Cambridge have been daubed with graffiti - in Latin. The five-bedroom houses, priced from £1.25m ($1.56m), were built on the former site of an old pub and have been daubed in giant letters with the phrases "Locus in Domos" and "Loci populum!" The phrasing puzzles even some Latin experts, with Cambridge University Professor of Classics Mary Beard commenting "This is a bit hard to translate, but I think what they're trying to say is that a lovely place has been turned into houses." Others suggested that the phrases were a call for local homes for local people; Cambridge is the third most expensive place to buy property in England.
NESSIE! A New Zealand scientist has dreamed up a new way to search for the legendary Scottish loch monster. He is going to sample DNA from around the loch and try to indentify traces that are not from any known animal. Of course he will not actually find Nessie, if it exists, just prove that something unknown is in the water. The legend took off after the - later admitted fake - 'Sungeon's photograph' was published in the 1930s, and speculation over what the 'monster' could be ranges from plesiosaurs to the wels catfish, which can live for 80 years and grow to around 10' (3m) in length. Last year saw a record number of reported sightings of 'Nessie'.
GRAMMAR. Misplaced or missing apostrophes are the bane of many people's lives [Including the Editor's...], especially on shop signs. Now one man in Bristol is fighting back. He is sneaking out in the dead of night armed with 'the Apostrophiser' - basically a long stick with an arm on the end - to cover over or insert apostrophes and correct signage grammar. He pre-cuts either blanks or apostrophes to fit in with the colour and typeface of the sign, and made the national news this week for his efforts. When asked by a reporter - under conditions of anonymity - whether he considered his actions to be criminal vandalism, he replied "It's more of a crime to have the apostrophes wrong in the first place."
IN BRIEF: You can now get doughnuts made of spaghetti and pizza topped with peeps, apparently. Motorcyclist hit by mattress flying off pickup. Oldest mammal blood ever found discovered in amber-encased fossilised tick. More than 100 dachshunds and their owners gather in Bath's Royal Crescent to celebrate Sausage Dog Club's second anniversary. Geologists reveal process of first Brexit, when the land bridge between Dover and Calais was destroyed by a glacial lake flood. F1 racing driver Jenson Button disqualified from Ironman contest for speeding - on his bicycle. Skincare brand Nivea forced to withdraw advert after "white is purity" tagline adopted by white supremacists and ruled discriminatory. Journalist tweets apology from postman for dropping parcel through open window only for it to land in a toilet (it was too big to get wet). Pink Star diamond auctions for world record-setting $71m (£57m) in Hong Kong. Scientists use diamond to converge laser beams into 'death star'-like superlaser. Company bricks Internet-of-Things garage door opener after customer complains about it. First European cave-dwelling fish found in southern Germany. Poll sponsored by Google announces that just about everything (but especially Google-owned products like YouTube) is considered more cool than Apple by teenagers. Archaeologists reveal that medieval Yorkshire villagers burned and dismembered corpses to stop them rising from the dead. Man pretends to be waxwork in Madame Tussauds to see how many people take selfies without knowing who the 'celebrity' is. Crayola retires 'dandelion' crayon.
BBC mistakenly report death of critically ill former DJ Brian Matthew. Melanie Sykes to voiceover reboot of Blind Date. Bob Dylan finally accepts Nobel Prize. Cannes Film Festival criticised for airbrushing vintage image of Claudia Cardinale for official poster. Chris Evans stepping down from Captain America role after fourth Avengers movie. David Tennant, Eddie Irvine, seven others launching new lawsuit against News UK over historic phone tapping allegations. Diego Maradona suing Konami over unauthorised use of his image in Pro Evolution Soccer 2017. Upcoming Doctor Who companion Bill Potts will be first openly gay character in series; actress Pearl Mackie reportedly dropped after one series, giving incoming producer Chris Chibnall a clean slate to recast both Doctor and companion. First English language edition of Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment auctions for £13,500 ($16,800). Glastonbury Festival announce 88 more acts including debut for Katy Perry and Barry Gibb to play Sunday evening "legend slot". US Federal Aviation Authority not to censure Harrison Ford over taxiway landing, citing long history of compliance and full cooperation. Marvel VP of Sales David Gabriel says diversity - especially in recasting of old characters - is killing sales. Oculus founder Palmer Luckey leaves Facebook-owned company in wake of trade secrets court case loss. Oscars will continue to use PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) for awards tallying despite best picture mix-up this year; PwC to have third staffer on duty at awards. Activision Blizzard win case against Overwatch cheat tools vendor in US, following similar success in UK and Germany. Shia LaBeouf's film Man Down grosses, er, £7 ($8.72) in UK on opening weekend - only opened in one cinema and only one ticket sold. Valve to recruit Steam users to rate games. Resurgence of interest in George Orwell's 1984 since presidential election leads to 200 art houses screening film adaptation (presumably the 1984 version with John Hurt, Richard Burton and Suzanna Hamilton). Rob Brydon hints that Gavin and Stacey could get a 10th anniversary special. Disney announce Wreck-It Ralph sequel will be titled Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2. Ghost in the Shell takings hit by claims of whitewashing and bad reviews. Eric Roth to screenwrite Dune reboot. Arnold Schwarzenegger declining to appear in Expendables 4 unless Sylvester Stallone is cast. British Film Institute appoints head of diversity.
Radio Times 21st Century TV dramas poll: best period drama: Call the Midwife; best contemporary drama: The Night Manager; best US drama: The West Wing; best crime drama: Happy Valley; best foreign language drama: The Bridge; best sci-fi/fantasy: Merlin.
Endurance cyclist Mike Hall (inaugural Trans Am Bike Race, 35), playwright Parv Bancil (Papa was a Bus Conductor, Crazyhorse, 50), artist Gilbert Baker (the rainbow flag, 65), civil rights activist Darcus Howe (Race Today, New Statesman, 74), poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko (Babi Yar, 84), electronic music engineering pioneer Ikutaro Kakehashi (founder of Roland, 87).
Here at Irregular Towers we have been playing World of Warcraft for most of the last twelve years (started about six months after launch and took a year off when the Cataclysm expansion came in). It is, by now, a rather large and complicated game world. Fortunately there are many websites to help you keep track of what is what, and where, and who is who. One of the best is the Wowpedia.- wow.gamepedia.com
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:8, 28, 36, 37, 58, 59[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer's class were being taught by a supply teacher who was pregnant. "OK, children," she said to them, "you probably noticed that I'm going to have a baby. Who can tell me what my baby will call my sister?"
The class pondered this for a moment, before Little Thomas put his hand up. "Yes, Little Thomas?"
"Auntie, Miss."
"Very good, Little Thomas." Little Jennifer raised her hand.
"Yes, Little Jennifer?"
"Please, Miss, that's wrong. Babies can't talk!"
^ ...end of line