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Issue #435 - 21st July 2017
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
pulchritudinous |
Friday 21st July - Italian noblewoman Anna Sforza born, 1476. The first French troops landed during the French invasion of the Isle of Wight, 1545. Astronomer Jean Picard born, 1620. Poet Robert Burns died, 1796. Jesse James led the first successful train robbery in the American Old West, 1873. Doonesbury cartoonist Garry Trudeau born, 1948. Actor Basil Rathbone died, 1967. The lowest temperature (-89.2oC [-128.6oF])at an inhabited location was recorded at Vostok Station in Antarctica, 1983. Composer Jerry Goldsmith died, 2004. Saturday 22nd July - Joan of England, Queen of Scotland, born, 1210. King Edward I of England defeated William Wallace at the Battle of Falkirk, 1298. King Charles VII of France died, 1461. Scottish and English commissioners agreed upon the Acts of Union that would lead to the creation of the Kingdom of Great Britain, 1706. Physicist Georg Wilhelm Richmann born, 1711. French emperor Napoleon II died, 1832. Wiley Post completed the first solo flight around the world, 1933. Actress Franka Potenta born, 1974. Singer Sacha Distel died, 2004. Pi Approximation Day. Sunday 23rd July - Otto, Duke of Austria born, 1301. Three hundred colonists left Dieppe bound for New France, 1632. Historian Francis Blomefield born, 1705. Composer Domenico Scarlatti died, 1757. The first car made by the Ford Motor Company was sold, 1903. Filmmaker D.W. Griffith died, 1948. Air Canada Flight 143 ran out of fuel at 41,000' (12,500m) and made a deadstick landing at Gimli, Manitoba, 1983. Actor Daniel Radcliffe born, 1989. Astronaut Sally Ride died, 2012. Monday 24th July - Mary, Queen of Scots was forced to abdicate in favour of her one-year-old son James VI, 1567. Artist Vladimir Borovikovsky born, 1757. Martin Van Buren, 8th President of the United States, died, 1862. Tennessee became the first of the Confederate states to be readmitted into the Union following the American Civil War, 1866. Aviator Amelia Earhart born, 1897. Mountaineer Wilfrid Noyce died descending Mount Garmo, 1962. Apollo 11 spashed down safely in the Pacific, 1969. Singer Jennifer Lopez born, 1969. Actor Peter Sellers died, 1980. Tuesday 25th July - Ragnold, margrave of Neustria, killed in battle, 885. King James I of Scotland born, 1394. The coronation of King Henry II of France, 1547. Adventurer Friedrich von der Trenck died, 1794. Archivist Brian Twyne born, 1581. Horatio Nelson lost his right arm in a failed attempt to conquer Tenerife, 1797. Biophysicist Rosalind Franklin born, 1920. The United States detonated a nuclear bomb underwater at Bikini Atoll, in Operation Crossroads, 1946. Film director & screenwriter Vincente Minnelli died, 1986. Wednesday 26th July - The Battle of Edgecote Moor in the Wars of the Roses, 1469. Printer Christian Egenolff born, 1502. Inca emperor Atahualpa murdered, 1533. The first recorded women's cricket match was played near Guildford, Surrey, 1745. Playwright George Bernard Shaw born, 1856. Lexicographer Sir James Murray died, 1915. Walt Disney's Alice in Wonderland premiered in London, 1951. Actress Sandra Bullock born, 1964. Photographer Diane Arbus died, 1971. Thursday 27th July - Mathematician Johann Bernoulli born, 1667. The Bank of England received a Royal charter, 1694. Nobel laureate poet Giosuè Carducci born, 1835. Physicist John Dalton died, 1844. The first permanent transatlantic telegraph cable, between Ireland and Newfoundland, was completed, 1866. Writer Gertrude Stein died, 1946. Tennis player Jo Durie born, 1960. The US House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted to recommend the impeachment of President Richard Nixon for obstruction of justice, 1974. Actor Jerry Doyle died, 2016.
This week, Garry Trudeau:I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
A selection of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films starring Sienna Guillory:
- Forever can spare a minute.
- The only big fight we've had in years is about whether to go back into couples therapy.
- Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it.
- Mr. Sylvester Stallone didn't get where he is today by playing in Jane Austen.
- Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
- I could come back a thousand times... and see her die a thousand ways.
-- The Time Machine [2002]- Those were some pretty slick moves back there. I'm good, but I'm not that good.
-- Resident Evil: Apocalypse [2004]- You barbaric piece of pulp fiction!
-- Inkheart [2008]- Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
-- Love Actually [2003]- I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering.
-- Eragon [2006]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
BOOM! Builders in Quebec this week unearthed what at first was thought to be a cannonball from the 1759 siege of the city by the British, but a city archaeologist who took it home for further examination realised that it was actually an incendiary bomb with its charge intact. In use it should have exploded on impact and ignited the gunpowder it contained, but for some reason it had failed to go off and had lain undiscovered for over 250 years. Army bomb disposal experts took it away and will either disarm or destroy it, with Master Warrant Officer Sylvain Trudel telling reporters that "with time, humidity got into its interior and reduced its potential for exploding, but there's still a danger." On the eastern side of the Atlantic divers assisted by the Royal Navy have recovered an historic Highball bouncing bomb prototype from Loch Striven in Scotland, and hope to recover at least one more. The bombs were planned for use against ships in World War II, but never used. They would have bounced over the water in the same way as the more famous Upkeep bouncing bombs used by the Dambusters. Loch Striven had been used for testing the bombs under top secrecy, and the bombs currently at its bottom were unarmed; any recovered will go to aviation museums for conservation and display alongside their more famous counterparts.
MARRIAGE! The Global Harbour Mall in Shanghai has come up with a way to help husbands dragged out to the shops by their wives (or to help wives deal with their grumbling husbands) - a number of glass pods, each containing a chair, computer and gamepad have been installed in which husbands can be left to play retro computer games while their wives shop in peace. Initially the service is free but after three months users will need to scan a QR code with their mobile phone and pay a small fee. Reception has been terrific, with one may saying that "I've just played Tekken 3 and felt like I was back at school!" There is one downside - the pods are unventilated and have no air conditioning - yet. In Taiwan, meanwhile, a woman has been granted a divorce on the grounds that her husband was ignoring her, having failed to respond to text messages over a six month period. His phone showed them as read but not answered, including one in which she had told him she was in an emergency room having been in a car accident [We wonder if the phone logged any urgent calls to the garage immediately after he read that one... -Ed].
ANIMALS! A Sri Lankan Navy patrol boat 16km (10 miles) out to sea last week sighted what might at first have been taken to be a submarine's periscope but closer inspection revealed that it was an elephant's trunk. The elephant was swimming with its head below the water and appeared to be struggling to raise its trunk to breath. A team of divers and a larger vessel managed to get ropes around the elephant to hold it up, and guided it back to shore - an operation that took 12 hours. The elephant was handed over to wildlife officials for assessment. It is not unusual for elephants to swim that far out from land, but they can tire easily, as this one had. In Oregon last week a lorry lost 3,400kg (7,500lb) of hagfish on Highway 101. The hagfish is famous for its ability to produce large quantities of slime when distressed, and the road (and cars involved in the incident) became covered in the stuff. State Police commented on Facebook that "we've been slimed." The hagfish were destined for Korea, where they are a delicacy. Oregon's Highway Division achieved legendary status back in 1970 when they tried to dispose of a dead whale washed up on a beach, with explosives. The ensuing news footage of lumps of whale meat raining down on cars and bystanders while the bulk of the carcass remained became one of the first viral videos on the World Wide Web many years later. Thankfully this time the hagfish were just scooped up again and the slime cleaned away.
BREXIT! The United Kingdom is leaving the European Union, although if one remainer has his way, there will be a house in Newnham on Severn that will remain forever European. Retired lecturer and passionate Europhile William Riches has declared his home the independent Republic of Middlewatch, with his wife Judith as President and his children citizens. Riches insists that after Brexit any British visitors to his house will require a visa costing at least £50 ($65) to enter. The attempt, reminiscent of the 1948 Ealing comedy Passport to Pimlico and the single-series 1997 sitcom A Perfect State, has no legal basis and it is almost certain that Middlewatch will not want to take on the UK's financial cost of being in Europe.
SCIENCE! Google sister company Verity Life Sciences has unveiled plans to reduce the impact of some of the world's deadliest diseases with a trial release of 20 million mosquitos in central California. The mosquitos will have been infected with a naturally occurring bacterium that turns males sterile, which should reduce the population of female mosquitos, which bite people, thus spreading malaria and other diseases. The mosquitos will be released on two 300-acre sites and monitored over several weeks. Similar trials have already seen a drastic reduction in the population of a non-native mosquito strain, and it is hoped that such research could lead to an effective strategy to stop the spread of Zika, chikungunya and dengue. Further afield, astronomers at the Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico have picked up an unexplained signal, seemingly from the red dwarf star Ross 128. The signal could have been caused by type II solar flares, emissions from another object in the same field of view, or interference from a high orbit satellite. Each one of the possibilities has problems though; the signal frequency was too high to be a solar flare, there are no known objects that could obstruct the field of view, and no satellites have been known to emit such radio bursts. Professor Abel Méendez, leader of the research team, is sure of one thing - he tweeted "We are waiting for all results to reach a conclusion on the nature of the signals from #Ross 128 later this week. Spoilers: not aliens. 😊"
IN BRIEF: Woman tries to smuggle 102 iPhones, 15 Tissot watches, into China from Hong Kong, strapped to her body with Spanx-style underwear. Woman trying to take selfie in Los Angeles art exhibition back into pedestal causing domino effect that resulted in damage to pieces worth $200,000 (£154,000). Couple who planned Dirty Dancing lift for wedding dance hold impromptu practice in beer garden, end up knocking each other unconscious; decide on slow dance for wedding instead. UK Royal Mint reveals design for new £10 note featuring Jane Austen, immediately faces criticism over choice of Austen quotation on note, as it was said by one of her more ignorant characters, not Austen herself. New mathematical model of t.Rex bone structure suggests that you would not have need a Jurassic Park-style jeep to get away from one, just a reasonably fast pair of legs. Man gets locked in Texas ATM cash vault while doing renovation work, left phone in car, passes handwritten "help me" notes to people withdrawing money until police eventually believe someone's story, kick door down and rescue him. Two-hundred-foot (61m) - and growing - sinkhole in Florida swallows two houses. Surgeons operating on 67-year-old woman's cataracts discover 17 contact lenses stuck together, and then 10 more. The Isle of Man has hosted the 46th annual World Tin Bath Championships - over 120 competitors - who had to able to swim at least 50 yards (46m) - paddled themselves in tin baths, the winner being either the first to cross the finish line or whoever covered the greatest distance before sinking. Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps to don monofin to race Great White Shark over 100m (110 yards) - though they will not be in the same place. Pensioner ordered to remove two mooning gnomes from grass verge outside his Cheshire home as they present "health and safety" risk to drivers who might be distracted. Man selling collection of 9,000 beer cans because his wife wants to downsize their house following their retirement. New Brighton ice cream café (about 300m from Irregular Towers) selling ice cream served on french fries.
BBC reveals salary ranges of its presenters (those earning over £150,000 ($195,350) pa; list reveals large disparity between men and women, with top four male earners taking home almost four times as much as the four top-earning women. Disney reveal casting for live-action remake of Aladdin, criticised for casting non-Arab actress as Jasmine. Doctor Who producers take series creator Sydney Newman's advice from the 1980s and gamble to beat ratings slide by casting Jodie Whittaker as first female Doctor [but see below]; Internet reacts as expected. Game of Thrones season 7 launches; Ed Sheeran quits Twitter over abuse following cameo. Steve Whitmire apologises to fans after seemingly being fired without reason from voicing The Muppets' Kermit. BBC launches bursary scheme for female comedy performers, named after Caroline Aherne. Disney to squeeze even more out of Star Wars franchise with themed attractions at Disneyland Park, Anaheim, and Disney's Hollwood Studios, Orlando. ITV lure EasyJet boss Carolyn McCall to be new chief executive. Netflix claims 104 million subscribers worldwide. Pet Shop Boys releasing remastered/unreleased material including demo first offered to Bananarama. Radiohead's £100 ($130) OK Computer boxed re-release includes software for ZX Spectrum on cassette mix tape (video here). Painting believed to be previously unknown Brontë sisters portrait, attributed to Sir Edwin Landseer expected to auction for up to £40,000 ($52,000). Pixar releases plot details for The Incredibles 2, will centre on Elastigirl, leaving Mr Incredible at home looking after Jack Jack. Winnie the Pooh being censored in China after Internet users compare president Xi Jinping to the rotund ursine. Weekly music show returning to BBC eleven years after demise of Top of the Pops. Kenny Rogers will be joined by Idina Menzel, Alison Krauss and Dolly Parton for final concert before retirement in October. Puerto Rican singer Luis Fonsi overtakes Justin Bieber for most-streamed song of all time, with Spanish song Despacito, streamed 4.6 billion times across all services; track since banned from Malaysian state radio stations for 'suggestive' lyrics. Planned auction of 22 personal effects, including letters, of Madonna halted by Manhattan judge. Lana Del Rey's fourth album leaked on Internet ahead of release. Nine Inch Nails release second track from Add Violence EP, due Friday. Rapper Kendrick Lamar buys wheelchair-accessible van for disabled fan after meet-and-greet. Dunkirk tipped for Oscars glory. Deadpool was the most complained about film of 2016, at least at the BBFC; Suicide Squad was second - both had '15' ratings. Queen confirm that biopic is going ahead, with Rami Malek playing Freddie Mercury, directed by Bryan Singer. Madame Tussauds New York unveil Beyonce waxwork; immediately face complaints of whitewashing, with many saying it looks more like Lindsay Lohan. HBO criticised for planning alternative history drama series Confederate, set in an America where the Confederates won the civil war and slavery is still legal. Three stolen paintings by Francis Bacon recovered by Spanish police. Star Wars Monopoly finally getting Rey playing piece after two years of complaints that it only included male characters.
Mathematician Maryam Mirzakhani (first female recipient of the Fields Medal, 40), Chinese human rights campaigner Liu Xiaobo (1989 Tiananmen Square protests, 2010 Nobel laureate, 61), filmmaker George A. Romero (Living Dead franchise, 77), actor Trevor Baxter (Doctor Who, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, 84), actor Martin Landau (Mission: Impossible, Space: 1999, 89).
With the casting of the first actress (OK, technically the second*) to play Doctor Who, this week's site is the TARDIS Data Core, a wiki devoted to all things Whovian.
- http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page
*Joanna Lumley briefly played the Doctor in the non-canon Doctor Who - The Curse of Fatal Death short for Comic Relief in 1999.
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:4, 12, 43, 46, 48, 59[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer was staying with her grandparents for the weekend, and her grandmother had decided to teach her the basics of how to use a sewing machine. She talked Little Jennifer through the process of threading the machine and smiled, "There we are, Little Jennifer, all ready for some sewing."
Little Jennifer got up from her chair at the table and put her hands on her hips. "Granny," she pouted, "you can do that but you can't do Facebook?"
^ ...end of line