The Friday Irregular
Issue #441 - 8th September 2017

Edited by and copyright ©2017 Simon Lamont
tfir@simonlamont.co.uk

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Unless otherwise indicated dollar values are in US dollars.

Contents —
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—		 ^ WORD OF THE WEEK
snoof
  adj. having lost the sense of smell.

^ ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 8th September   -   Frankish general Arbogast committed suicide, having escaped capture, 394. Poet Ludovico Ariosto born, 1474. Michelangelo's David was unveiled in Florence, 1504. Mathematician Marin Marsenne born, 1588. King George III of the United Kingdom married Duchess Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, 1761. Actor Harry Secombe born, 1921. Maurice Wilkes, engineer who inspired the Land Rover, died, 1963. The first episode of Star Trek was broadcast in the USA, 1966. German filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl died, 2003. International Literacy Day. World Physical Therapy Day.
 
Saturday 9th September   -   William Rufus became King of England, as William II, 1087. Japanese shogun Ashikaga Yoshitane born, 1466. King James IV of Scotland killed at the Battle of Flodden, 1513. The nine-month-old Mary Stuart was crowned Queen of Scots, 1543. Artist Pieter Bruegel the Elder died, 1569. Physicist Luigi Galvani born, 1737. The Berne Convention for the Protection of Literary and Artistic Works was finalised, 1886. Figure skater John Curry born, 1949. Actress Caitlin Clarke died, 2004. Chrysanthemum Day (Kiku no Sekku) in Japan.
 
Sunday 10th September   -   Edward IV decisively won the Battle of Pinkie Cleugh, the last full-scale military engagement between England and Scotland, 1547. Composer Henry Purcell born, 1659. Writer and philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft died, 1797. Simón Bolívar was declared President of Peru, 1823. Alice Brown Davis, first female Principal Chief of the Seminole Tribe of Oklahoma, born, 1852. Dog show founder Charles Cruft died, 1938. Canada declared war on Nazi Germany, joining the Allied forces, 1939. Actress Judy Geeson born, 1948. Nobel laureate physicist Felix Bloch died, 1983. World Suicide Prevention Day.
 
Monday 11th September   -   Cartographer Martin Waldseemüller born, 1470. The Great Siege of Malta ended as Ottoman forces retreated, 1565. Italian noblewoman Beatrice Cenci executed for patricide, 1599. A British-American peace conference on Staten Island failed to stop the developing American Revolutionary War, 1776. Explorer Mungo Park born, 1771. Astronomer Mary Proctor died, 1957. Actress Virginia Madsen born, 1961. Animator Max Fleischer died, 1972. The 9/11 attacks on New York City and the Pentagon, and a failed attack targeting the Capitol Building, 2001.
 
Tuesday 12th September   -   The Battle of Marathon [accepted date], 490 BCE. Antiquarian William Dugdale born, 1605. Poet & jurist Jacob Cats died, 1660. Poets Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning eloped, 1846. Writer H.L. Mencken born, 1880. Astronomer & physicist Sarah Frances Whiting died, 1927. Sightings of the Flatwoods monster were reported in West Virginia, 1952. Composer Hans Zimmer born, 1957. Actor Anthony Perkins died, 1992. National Chocolate Milkshake Day in the USA.
 
Wednesday 13th September   -   Roman emperor Titus died, 81. Italian nobleman Cesare Borgia born, 1475. Henry Hudson reached the river that now bears his name, 1609. Inventor Oliver Evans born, 1755. English general James Wolfe killed at the Battle of the Plains of Abraham in Quebec, 1759. Francis Scott Key wrote the poem "Defence of Fort McHenry", later set to music and adopted as the American National Anthem, 1814. Actress Claudette Colbert born, 1903. Cartoonist W. Heath Robinson died, 1944. The IBM 305 RAMAC, the first commercial computer to use disk storage, was introduced, 1956. National Chocolate Day in the USA. Roald Dahl Day in the UK, Africa & Latin America.
 
Thursday 14th September   -   Writer Dante Alighieri died, 1321. Cartographer Claudius Clavus born, 1388. Dom Pérignon, popularly but erroneously credited with inventing champagne, died, 1715. George Frideric Handel completed his Messiah oratorio, 1741. Ornithologist John Gould born, 1804. The French Grande Armée entered Moscow, in the Napoleonic Wars, 1812. Actor Walter Koenig born, 1936. OPEC, the Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries cartel was founded, 1960. Actress Grace Kelly died, 1982.


^ THE WISDOM OF...

This week, in honour of America's National Chocolate Day, a quotation from John Q. Tullius:
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies.


^ FILM QUIZ

A bag of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address. Last issue's quotations were from films starring Meg Ryan:


^ WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

SPACE! Scientists from the Breakthrough Initiative at the Green Bank radio telescope in West Virginia have detected 15 pulses from an object known as FRB 121102, in a dwarf galaxy some 3 billion light years away. The pulses all occurred within just five hours, suggesting that whatever it is, FRB 121102 is in a "newly active state". The Breakthrough Initiative was set up by Stephen Hawking and Yuri Milner to search for sign of extraterrestrial life, but astronomer Dr Vishal Gajjar, who made the observations, is not declaring aliens yet, as there are 400 terabytes of data to go through. FRB 121102 was shown earlier this year to be capable of pushing out 10 million trillion trillion joules of energy in milliseconds, so it is most likely natural. As mentioned last week asteroid Florence made a pass of Earth at the weekend, coming within 7,000,000 km (4,350,000 miles) of Earth and was seen with ground-based telescopes which observed that it had two moons, the third asteroid found to have moons. The Hubble Space Telescope has detected possible signs of water on one of the planets of TRAPPIST-1, a system over 40 light years away with three of its seven planets in the habitable zone.

ANIMALS! A video of an Irish family trying to catch a bat that had flown into their house went viral this week. The bat was captured and released unharmed, something that might not have happened in Texas, where it is illegal to hunt or kill bats unless they are on top of or inside a building. Over in California gourmets of French cuisine may be out of luck as competitive frogs (from jumping contests) that die or are killed cannot legally "be eaten or used for any other purpose". In Ohio it is illegal for the owner of a stallion to allow their horse to mate with a mare "anywhere near a public street or alley", and if you live Skamania County, Washington, and you kill a Bigfoot, you will be fined $1,000 (£765) or jailed for a year (or both), although you will most likely make much more than that in publicity if you manage to find and kill one. In Southend, Essex, a five-year-old boy who went to use the toilet, which had been draining slowly for days, was somewhat shocked when he lifted the lid and saw a snake in the pan. The 3' (91cm) baby royal python was harmless, and removed safely by a reptile specialist who speculated that it had probably escaped down its owner's toilet to enter the sewer network.

COUNTRIES! When the military in Belarus carried out a training exercise last month part of the scenario was an invasion by a foreign power, but rather than cause upset with their neighbours they invented a fictional country called Veyshnoria, located in the northwest of Belarus. When a map of the exercise was revealed to the public, Veyshnoria caught many people's imagination, and the fictional land now has its own foreign ministry, history, flag and Wikipedia page, with the fictional foreign ministry tweeting its concerns about the 'conflict' with Belarus and promising "stew, honey, bread and lard" to Belarusian soldiers who surrendered. Hundreds of Belarusians also applied for a fictional Veyshnorian passport. Back in the UK, or at least 7 miles (11km) off the Suffolk coast, the micronation of Sealand is celebrating its 50th anniversary. "Prince" Michael Bates, 65, the son of pirate radio DJ Roy Bates, who climbed aboard the abandoned sea fort which was outside the then 5km (3 mile) British waters mark, and declared it a sovereign state, has announced that the anniversary will be marked by a dinner with guests including film producers, internet tycoons and international lawyers from as far away as the US and China. The dinner will not be held on the fort, but in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex. Sealand survives financially by being an offshore storage site for electronic files, and by selling merchandise and titles; singer Ed Sheeran is a Baron of Sealand.

RECORDS! German waiter Oliver Struemfel trained for months before recently beating his own record - by carrying 29 one-litre (1.8 pint) glasses of beer at once for a distance of 40m. Facebook looks like making its own records, having told potential advertisers that it can reach 41 million people in the target group of 18 to 24 year olds in the United States. Official census records show that there are acually only 31 million people in that age range in the US. When questioned, a Facebook spokesman blustered about the claimed figure being "by design" to account for "a number of factors, including Facebook user behaviour, user demographics and location data from devices." Facebook has previously been criticised for falsely counting advertising videos skipped within three seconds as viewed, recently admitting to having taken a lot of money from Russian front companies to show divisive video ads in the run up to the US presidential election, and accepting fake profiles without question, some of which we suspect have tried to friend the Editor. The Guinness Book of Records has published its 2018 edition - new records include a slam dunking rabbit (seven dunks in a minute), a cat with a 17.6" (44.7cm) tail, a Russian model with 52" (1.32m) legs, a woman whose fingernails total 18.9' (5.76m) in length and a colour-blind man who has had an antenna implanted on his head to convert colours to sounds.

CHILDREN! Iver infants and junior schools in Buckinghamshire have come up with a novel way to reduce speeding traffic outside their premises - bollards shaped and dressed like children have been installed. The result is a drop in traffic speed, but some locals have described the bollards as "hideous". Legoland Windsor, reported on in the last issue for stopping its mini Big Ben concurrently with the larger Westminster bell, recently advertised for vacancies in its model building department. Six-year-old lego fanatic Stanley Bolland, from Waterlooville in Hampshire, wrote to them explaining that he is the ideal candidate for the job because "I am six years old and I love Lego [and] have a box of it. I hide my Lego so my brother cant [sic] get it. I am the man [for] the job because I have lots of experience." Legoland Windsor wrote back saying "Loving Lego is the first step to being a model maker, so it certainly sounds like you'll be perfect for the job (once you've finished school of course). In the meantime, and because you say you're the man for the job, we'd love to offer you a one-off work experience day with our model makers." Stanley spent his day with a behind-the-scenes tour, meeting the model makers and helping to clean the park's models and inspect them for damage.

IN BRIEF: Texas woman handcuffed in the back of police car while officers deal with crime scene slips off handcuffs and climbs through partition to drive off in car. Man who sued bloggers who ridiculed his claim to have invented email told by a judge that their criticisms were protected under the First Amendment, and he may have written email software as a teenager in 1978 but the question of whether it was the first such system is disputable [Ray Tomlinson is generally credited with creating the first email system in 1971]. Some 65,000 residents of Frankfurt, Germany, evacuated after discovery of unexploded 1.4 tonne (3,086lb) World War II British bomb; later safely defused. National Centre for Scientific Research survey last year found that, for the first time, over half of people in the UK (53%) described themselves as having "no religion" with the proportion of those in the 18-25 age group at 71%; usual response from Church leaders claiming that "no religion" is not the same as atheism, and that morality can only exist with religion. European X-ray Free Electron Laser in Hamburg, one of the most powerful X-ray machines ever built, comes online to study the structure of matter. Greenhalgh's Bakery in Bolton develops loaf of bread that is a giant crumpet. Amazon employee loses engagement ring, customer 200 miles (322 km) away finds it in their parcel, returns it. New Zealand beekeeper wins NZ$1000 (£552; $723) bet to help fund wedding by dropping trousers and underpants to sit on open beehive for 30s. Two women dressed as nuns hold up Pennsylvania bank.


^ ENTERTAINMENT BRIEFS

Disney under fire again for whitewashing live-action Aladdin casting. David Mitchell hints that Peep Show could return ... in 10 years to revisit characters when 'old'. Paul Bettany joins Han Solo film for reshoots. Tom Hiddleston's stage performance in Hamlet praised. Company behind Liverpool's Hope & Glory festival which collapsed into chaos goes into liquidation. Screenwriter David Koepp confirms fifth Indiana Jones film due 2020 will not include Jones' son, played by Shia LaBoeuf in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. ITV making second attempt at late night current affairs show with Late Night Live after failure of The Nightly Show; rumoured to be attempting to poach Andrew Neil from BBC to present. Note written on guitar strings packet by Jimi Hendrix to teenage fan auctioned. Plans to remake Lord of the Flies film with all-female cast criticised for numerous reasons including missing the point of the original book, as related by author William Golding. Toni Basil suing Disney and Viacom over use of Mickey song without permission. Nintendo loses court case over Wii motion-sensing technology, will have to pay medical device manufacturer $10m (£7.75m). BBC commissions 204 more episodes of teatime quiz Pointless. Sir Bruce Forsyth's manager confirms private funeral service already held; details of public memorial service to be released in a few weeks. Colin Treverrow quits as director of yet-to-shoot Star Wars: Episode IX, reportedly after clashing with Disney over script re-writes. Taylor Swift gets first UK #1 single with Look What You Made Me Do ahead of Dua Lipa and Pink; Queens of the Stone Age's seventh album Villains debuts at UK #1 spot ahead of Ed Sheeran and War on Drugs. Alf Clausen, composer on The Simpsons, fired after 27 years, but producers say he will still have an "ongoing role" on the show. Sir Tom Jones forced to postpone upcoming US tour by illness. Twin Peaks: The Return star Kyle MacLachlan admits even he has no idea "about what it [series finale] all means". Unreleased George Harrison track Hello Miss Mary Bee - on reel-to-reel tape with several reworkings of Beatles tracks - to be auctioned September 11. Toronto Film Festival opens with tennis drama Borg McEnroe. Previously unheard George Michael song debuted on BBC Radio 2. Taylor Swift still trying to trademark song lyrics. Convicted fraudster Martin Shkreli who hiked cost of HIV drug by 5000% now trying to sell Wu-Tang Clan's Once Upon a Time in Shaolin album, having bought only copy before conviction. Bill Withers releases first new music in 32 years. Grace Jones documentary feature due this month. Green Day Facebook short live set raises over $145,000 (£111,209) for Hurricane Harvey relief fund. Woman whose claim to be Salvador Dali's daughter prompted exhumation of artist's body for DNA testing found not to be related. Classic FM celebrates 25th birthday. Game of Thrones season 7 has been pirated over a billion times. Louis Davison, son of Doctor Who's Fifth Doctor Peter Davison, brother of Georgia Tennant (née Moffett, The Doctor's Daughter) and brother-in-law of Tenth Doctor David Tennant, joining Poldark as Geoffrey Charles, replacing previous actor as fourth series will be set several years after third. Darren Aronofsky's Mother! getting rave reviews. BBC launch official reviews into gender pay gap. John Motson retiring from soccer commentary after 50 years. Frozen mini-movie to air alongside re-release of feature at Christmas. Jonathan Pryce to play Pope Francis, Anthony Hopkins in talks to play Pope Benedict in Netflix drama. Veep to end after 7th season.


^ OBITUARIES

Kidnap victim and victim support worker Stephanie Slater (50), musician Earl Lindo (Bob Marley and the Wailers, 64), actress & acting coach Elizabeth Kemp (Challenger, Love of Life, 65), musician Walter Becker (Steely Dan, 67), cricket coach & broadcaster Raph Dellor (Test Match Special, Norwegian national team, 69), musician Holger Czukay (Can, 79), television presenter Mike Neville (ITV Tyne Tees, BBC North East, 80), actor Richard Anderson (Forbidden Planet, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman, 91), musician, audio engineer & inventor Hedley Jones (solid-bodied electric guitar development concurrent with Les Paul, 99).


^ WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Many of Max Fleischer's (see Monday, above) cartoons are available for free download at the Internet Archive. Here's the link.
- https://archive.org/search.php?query=max%20fleischer%20AND%20mediatype%3Amovies


^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:
11, 19, 20, 24, 26, 53
[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.


^ AND FINALLY...

    Little Jennifer's grandmother had come to visit and the family were eating sandwiches in front of the television. Her grandmother looked across at Little Jennifer and noticed something about her plate. "Why, Little Jennifer," she said, "you've left all your crusts uneaten. When I was your age we ate everything we were given, including sandwich crusts, and liked it."
    Little Jennifer looked thoughtful. "Do you still like crusts, Grannie?"
    Her grandmother smiled. "Why yes, I do," she answered.
    Little Jennifer got up, went over to her grandmother and tipped her crusts onto her grandmother's plate. "Well you can have all of mine, then!"

^ ...end of line