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Issue #473 - 27th April 2018
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
prial |
Friday 27th April - The English defeated the Scots at the Battle of Dunbar, 1296. Explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed in the Philippines, 1521. Charlotte Amalie of Hesse-Kassel, Queen Consort of Denmark, born, 1650. John Milton sold the copyright of Paradise Lost, 1667. Historian & philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft born, 1759. Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson died, 1882. Actress Sally Hawkins born, 1976. Betty Boothroyd was elected as the first female Speaker of the House of Commons, 1992. Ruth Handler, inventor of the Barbie doll, died, 2002. Saturday 28th April - Roman emperor Otho born, 32. The Parthian Empire ended with the defeat of Artabanus V at the Battle of Hormozdgān, 224. Rhys ap Gruffydd, prince of Deheubarth, died, 1197. Cheesemaker Marie Harel born, 1761. Lieutenant William Bligh & 18 sailors were set adrift in the Mutiny on the Bounty, 1789. Shipping line founder Samuel Cunard died, 1865. Astronomer Jan Oort born, 1900. Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon went to #1 on the US Billboard album chart, 1973. Actress Penélope Cruz born, 1974. Writer Jenny Diski died, 2016. Sunday 29th April - Joan of Arc arrived at Orléans to relieve the Siege, 1429. Poet John Cleveland died, 1658. Polymath John Arbuthnot born, 1667. James Cook reached Australia, arriving at what he named Botany Bay, 1770. Mineralogist William Babington died, 1833. Mathematician Henri Poincaré born, 1854. The musical Hair opened on Broadway, 1968. Tennis player Andre Agassi born, 1970. Actor Bob Hoskins died, 2014. International Dance Day (UNESCO). Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare (United Nations). Monday 30th April - Christopher Columbus received his commission of exploration from Spain, 1492. Burmese king Tabinshwehti assassinated, 1550. Queen Mary II of England born, 1662. Louisiana, formerly the Territory of New Orleans, became the 18th of the United States, 1812. Memoirist Alice B. Toklas born, 1877. Artist Édouard Manet died, 1883. Actress Gal Gadot born, 1985. CERN announced that the World Wide Web protocols would be free, 1993. Children's author & illustrator Richard Scarry died, 1994. Tuesday 1st May - Matilda of Scotland died, 1118. The Norman Invasion of Ireland began at Bannow Bay, Leinster, 1169. Astrologer William Lilly born, 1602. Adam Weishaupt established the Illuminati in Upper Bavaria, 1776. Frontierswoman Calamity Jane born, 1852. Explorer David Livingstone died, 1873. The Empire State Building in New York City was dedicated, 1931. Actress Joanna Lumley born, 1946. Snooker commentator 'Whispering Ted' Lowe died, 2011. World Asthma Day. May Day, marking the start of Summer, in the Northern Hemisphere. Wednesday 2nd May - Portsmouth received its first Royal Charter from King Richard I of England, 1194. Eleanor of Aragon, Queen of Portugal, born, 1402. Polymath Leonardo da Vinci died, 1519. Mary, Queen of Scots escaped from captivity in Loch Leven Castle, 1568. Catherine the Great of Russia born, 1729. Artist Mary Moser died, 1819. The Royal Navy nuclear submarine HMS Conqueror sank the Argentine cruiser ARA General Belgrano in the Falklands War, 1982. Princess Charlotte of Cambridge born, 2015. Writer Ruth Rendell died, 2015. Thursday 3rd May - Margaret of York born, 1446. Ottoman sultan Mehmed the Conqueror died, 1481. A total solar eclipse, predicted to within 4 minutes accuracy by Edmond Halley, was visible across Northern Europe & Northern Asia, 1715. Composer Florian Leopold Gassmann born, 1729. The Anglo-Saxon Benty Grange helmet was discovered in Derbyshire, 1848. Pathologist Howard Taylor Ricketts died, 1910. Singer-songwriter Mary Hopkin born, 1950. A Digital Equipment Corporation marketing representative sent the first "spam" email, 1978. English politician Barbara Castle, Baroness Castle of Blackburn, died, 2002. Sun Day (International). World Press Freedom Day.
This week, Joanna Lumley:At boarding school I kept mice in my underclothes drawer. It made me smell most attractive, as you can imagine.
A mixed bag of quotations. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films starring Julie Walters:
- Back home, they would have put me in jail for what I'm doing. Here, they're giving me awards.
- Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
- I am not resisting arrest! I am not resisting arrest!
- Whenever we needed money, we'd rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.
- If you win, you win. If you lose, you still win.
- Exit bear, pursued by an actor - Ugh!
-- Paddington 2 [2017]- All that fricking yoga's made my feet bigger.
-- Mamma Mia [2008]- Isn't he beautiful? Oh, bless him! Look! He knows his mummy! Hallo, Norbert!
-- Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone [2001]- Lawrence, we're going to need considerably bigger buns.
-- Calendar Girls [2003]- Find a place on that bloody wall and focus on that spot. Then whip your head 'round and come back to that spot. Prepare!
-- Billy Elliot [2000]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
- HISTORY! The menu from the first meal served aboard the RMS Titanic as it started sea trials, which we mentioned in the last issue, fetched £100,000 ($139,340) at auction. A chart room key went for £78,000 ($108,700) and a badge which had belonged to a drowned steward fetched £57,000 ($79,400). ● The first statue of a woman in London's Parliament Square has been unveiled. The statue of suffragist Millicent Fawcett by artist Gillian Wearing, holds a banner reading "Courage calls to courage everywhere" and was commissioned after activist Caroline Criado Perez, who also led efforts to have Jane Austen depicted on the new £10 note last year, noticed that there were 11 statues of men, but none of women.
- WILDLIFE! The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has upheld a ruling that animals cannot sue for copyright. The original ruling stemmed from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) trying to obtain the copyright of a 2011 selfie taken by a monkey in Indonesia, on behalf of the animal. the court further ruled that photographer David Slater, whose camera was used, was entitled to legal fees, to be determined by the lower court which originally heard the case. ● Surgery on a sick St Bernard dog believed to have cancer has determined that eight-year-old Maisie's unusual mass on her spleen, which was thought to have been cancer, was instead the remains of four teddy bears she had eaten. "We all know certain dogs enjoy chewing things they shouldn't but managing to devour four full teddy bears is quit a feat," vet Nick Blackburn, who performed the surgery, commented. The bears had been stolen from the chihuahuas Maisie lives with. After Maisie recovered from the ursectomy her owner, Jane Dickinson, said that "It's like she's got her youth back." ● 17-year-old cattle dog Max, who is partially deaf and blind, is being hailed as a hero in Australia after his owner's 3-year-old daughter, Aurora, went missing from her home in the bush. Max stayed with the girl, and evidently kept her warm overnight, before leading searchers to her the following morning when the girl's grandmother found them about 2km (1.2 miles) from home. Aurora was found sheltering under under a rock, and apart from dehydration had only suffered a few cuts. Australian police named Max an honorary police dog. ● Passengers on a Western Ferries ship sailing between Gourock and Dunoon sighted killer whales in Scotland's River Clyde last weekend; they are more commonly seen around the Shetland and Orkney Islands. ● Scientists at Woods Hole Oceanographic Centre in America have discovered that whales can partially collapse parts of their lungs with blood flow routed through the collapsed sections when they dive deep, to prevent nitrogen bubbles tranferring from air in their lungs to their blood, so avoiding the bends upon ascent back to the surface. The ability could be detrimentally affected by stress caused by noise from shipping and naval sonar, explaining why air bubbles have been found in the blood of whales that died after being beached. ● The 1960s sci-fi anthology TV series The Outer Limits included a story [S2E6 Cry of Silence -Ed] about people being terrorised by tumbleweeds; recently a neighbourhood in Victorville, California, found itself covered in the rolling bushes made famous by westerns, after strong desert winds carried them into town. The weeds piled as high as the upper floors of some houses.
- SCIENCE! Astronomers have discovered that one of the outer planets of the Solar System has an atmosphere containing clouds of hydrogen sulfide, the gas that famously gives rotten eggs their smell. That farty smell at the edge of the Solar System? Yes, it is indeed coming from Uranus... [sorry... -Ed] ● It is not just whales whose diving secrets have been revealed. Scientists studying the seafaring and nomadic Bajau people in Southeast Asia have discovered that over possibly the last few thousand years they have evolved larger-than-average spleens, which make more oxygen available in their blood, enabling them to dive for longer periods without artificial breathing apparatus. ● Canada is investing in the development of quantum radar, which uses isolated pairs of entangled photons rather than just radio waves, and could potentially detect both significantly smaller objects than traditional radar as well as stealth aircraft. Canada operates 54 radar stations in the Arctic which are part of the North American NORAD system, and will need to be replaced withing the next ten years. [But will it improve NORAD's ability to track Santa? -Ed] ● Scientists studying ice sheets in the Beaufort Sea in the Arctic are baffled by crater-like holes that keep appearing in the ice. They were initially thought to have been caused by waves from seals surfacing to breathe, then by warm water welling up in the relatively shallow waters. The size of the holes, some up to 10m (30') across ruled out seals, and the current theory is that they are caused by bowhead whales.
- PEOPLE! Police in Australia are studying just how a 12-year-old boy managed to run away from home with his parents' credit card and was able to buy and use a flight ticket to Bali with only his passport & school ID. He told them that he had used a self-service check-in in Sydney to fly to Perth, then on to Bali, with the only check being that he was over 12 and in secondary school. Once in Bali he acquired a hotel room, telling reception that he was waiting for his older sister to arrive. ● The daughters of the CEO of Korean Air have resigned from their posts with the airline after being involved in separate incidents. One threw water in a colleague's face during a meeting, the other delayed a flight in 2014 over a complimentary packet of nuts. ● 20-year-old outdoors enthusiast Dylan McWilliams had alreay survived being bitten a by rattlesnake while hiking in Utah, and mauled by a bear, leaving painful scars on the back of his head, while camping in Colorado, when he went bodyboarding off the coast of Kauai, Hawaii, recently, and was attacked by a tiger shark which - persumably - mistook his board for a seal. "I started kicking at it - I know I hit it at least once - and swam to shore as quickly as I could," he told reporters, adding that he was worried about the trail of blood he might be leaving in the water, and not knowing if it had taken part of his leg. Medics found that the shark had left distinctive bite marks in his leg, which needed seven stitches. ● 14-year-old Jack McLinden is a fan of Everton football team, and was thrilled to be picked as their match-day mascot. Unfortunately Jack has multiple health issues which leave him with severely restricted mobility, but there was a solution. In a world first, captain Phil Jagielka carried a small robotic device onto the pitch as the teams ran out, which relayed panoramic photographs back to Jack at home, and had a microphone and speakers allowing him to talk to and hear the players and experience the event from home.
- CRIME! Two Florida police detectives used a dead suspect's finger to unlock his mobile phone after police killed him last month, and legal experts have confirmed that - although ghoulish - they did not need a warrant as constitutional protections do not apply to the deceased. Of course, things will be much easier with the face recognition introduced with the iPhone X; all they would need to do is point the phone at his face. ● A woman who flew from Paris to Denver has been fined $500 (£357) after an apple she was given on the flight - but was keeping to eat on an onward flight - was found in her hand luggage, still in its plastic Delta Airlines bag, and she had not declared it. Her Global Entry status, which allows expedited security checks as US Customs, was also revoked. ● A Luton shopkeeper saw off three armed robbers earlier this week by throwing chilli powder in their faces.
IN BRIEF: People aboard ships near Guyana are being asked to keep an eye out for a pirate ship. The Playmobil toy pirate ship Adventure (reported on in an earlier TFIr) was put in the sea with a tracker aboard last May, and made its way across the North Sea before being refitted and repaired by the crew of a Norwegian ship who put it back in the water off Mauritania. It relays its location and power status back to Scotland daily, but is now down to below 20% battery power. The UK offshore ship Stena Carron was hoping to intercept it, but missed, and so put out an appeal for other vessels. The Adventure is believed to be heading toward the British Virgin Islands, of which Norman Island was historically a hiding spot for pirate treasure and the inspiration for Robert Louis Stephenson's Treasure Island. ● The use of meat or dairy terms to describe vegetarian food is to be banned in France. ● Hawera Cinema chain in New Zealand has banned people wearing onesies, pyjamas and, er, dirty boots. ● ASDA supermarket accidentally bills home shopping customer £930.11 ($1,296) for a single banana, worth 11p (15c). ● King Mswati of Swaziland has decreed that the country is to be renamed "the Kingdom of eSwatini", at a ceremony to mark 50 years of independence. ● Typo on pack of Angus beef sausages in Australian store that accidentally omitted the 'g' put people off buying them, for some reason... ● Robots manage to assemble Ikea chair in just 20 minutes. [We do not know if there was a screw left over... -Ed]
Spice Girls reunion will not include new music or a tour, so basically just them saying "girl power" and, er, animated children's show. Kanye West claims to be using Twitter to write book of philosophy, also still planning run for US presidency. Original demo of Prince performing "Nothing Compares 2 U" released by estate. Former Smallville actress Allison Mack charged with aiding sex trafficking cult disguised as mentoring group Nxivm; reportedly also tried to recruit Emma Watson. Avengers: Infinity War gets near-universal critical raves, biggest suggested problem is that having so many superheroes waters down their 'special' quality. Bruce Campbell declares himself retired from the Evil Dead franchise with the finale of Ash vs Evil Dead season 3, dashes fans' hopes for another network to pick it up. Call of Duty Black Ops 4 ditching single-player campaign mode, will be solely multi-player; many players critical of move. Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa top UK singles chart with "One Kiss" ahead of Drake, Lil Dicky ft Chris Brown; The Greatest Showman soundtrack bounces back to #1 spot on UK album chart, ahead of Manic Street Preachers, George Ezra. Conductor Daniel Barenboim returns German Echo music awards in protest at Echo award being given to rap song with lyrics described as "anti-Semitic, misogynistic, homophobic and contemptuous of human dignity". Stereophonics fans complaining of insufficient compensation for Birmingham gig that went ahead despite "Beast From the East" severe weather. German supreme court rejects legal case against Adblock Plus online ad blocker. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child opens on Broadway following last year's launch in London. Madonna loses court attempt to block former friend auctioning personal items. Mary Berry reveals she was detained on suspicion of drug smuggling at US airport 25 years ago (it was flour and sugar for a cookery demonstration). Peter Kay's improvised Car Share episode to air May 7 followed by repeat of both series on subsequent Mondays, then final episode on May 28. Minnesota prosecutors say no charges to be filed over Prince's death as unable to trace origin of counterfeit fentanyl painkiller pills found in his home. Rachel Weisz expecting first child with Daniel Craig, at 48 (each already has a child from previous relationships). Broadway musical actress Sierra Boggess pulls out of BBC West Side Story prom to avoid whitewashing Puerto Rican Maria role. Over 60 UK music festivals now planning on being rid of single-use plastics by 2021. Ariana Grande releases first new music since Manchester Arena attack last year. Morrisey fan selling "Shut up, Morissey" bags after his latest round of nonsensical interviews; raises £1,730 ($2,411) for We Love Manchester Emergency Fund. Michael Apted, Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan among film directors criticising replacement of cinema projectors with massive LED screens. £20m ($27.9m) replica Shakespearian theatre being built in Prescot, Merseyside; no direct historical connection between Shakespeare and Merseyside but there was a contemporary theatre there, and it is hoped it will become the third point of a Shakespearian triangle, with Stratford-upon-Avon and London's Globe. Next Fast and Furious installment to be animated series for Netflix. Terry Gilliam's long-thought-vapourware The Man Who Killed Don Quixote to close Cannes Film Festival. Nile Rodgers' next Chic album to include Blondie, Haim, Craig David. Liam Gallagher, Richard Ashcroft, Florence + The Machine among support acts for Rolling Stones' upcoming tour. Hank Azaria steps aside from voicing The Simpsons' Apu, says it "feels right" amid controversy over claims of stereotyping & whitewashing. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers' Mike Campbell, Crowded House's Neil Finn to stand in for fired/not fired Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham. U2 to employ augmented reality phone apps for gigs. Universal wins bidding war for film rights to Stephen King's The Tommyknockers (previously adapted as 2-part TV miniseries). Baz Luhrmann launches stage musical of Strictly Ballroom to mixed reviews. The West Wing revival gets green light.
Polar bear Inuka (first polar bear born in the tropics, at Singapore Zoo, 27), DJ Avicii ("Levels", 28), chef & charity marathon runner Matt Campbell (MasterChef: The Professionals, 29), actor Verne Troyer (Austin Powers, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, 49), musician Randy Scruggs (Country Music Awards Musician of the Year 1999, 2003, 2006, 64), composer Arthur B. Rubinstein (WarGames, Lost in America, 80).
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:7, 8, 11, 17, 51, 54[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
The class were having a maths lesson. "OK," their teacher said, "I have written 27, 13 and 9 on the board. What do you get when you add them all together? Little Jennifer?"
Little Jennifer looked thoughtful for a moment, counted something on her fingers and smiled as only Little Jennifer could. "The wrong answer, Miss!"
^ ...end of line