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Issue #518 - 15th March 2019
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
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Friday 15th March - Roman general and Dictator Julius Caesar assassinated, 44 BCE. Margaret of England, Duchess of Brabant, born, 1275. Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first voyage to the Americas, 1493. Artist Jan Fyt born, 1611. A British army of 1,900 men defeated an American force more than twice as big at the Battle of Guildford Court House in the American Revolutionary War, 1781. Engineer Joseph Bazalgette died, 1891. Tsar Nicholas II of Russia abdicated the Russian throne, 1917. United States Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg born, 1933. Chef and broadcaster Clarissa Dickson Wright died, 2014. World Consumer Rights Day. The Ides of March (Ancient Rome). Saturday 16th March - The Babylonians captured Jerusalem, 597 BCE. Archduchess Kunigunde of Austria born, 1465. Anne Neville, queen of King Richard III of England, died, 1485. Ferdinand Magellan reached the Phillipine island of Homonhon, 1521. Astronomer Caroline Herschel born, 1750. The first version of Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture fantasy premiered, 1870. Illustrator Aubrey Beardsley died, 1898. Actor Leo McKern born, 1920. Activist Rachel Corrie killed, 2003. Sunday 17th March - Harold Harefoot, King of England, died, 1040. Edward the Black Prince was made Duke of Cornwall, 1337. Historian and sociologist Ibn Khaldun died, 1406. King James IV of Scotland born, 1473. Poet and playwright Jean-Baptiste Rousseau died, 1741. The Siege of Boston in the American Revolution ended as British forces evacuated the city, 1776. Author and illustrator Kate Greenaway born, 1846. Tenzing Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, fled Tibet for India, 1959. Fashion designer Alexander McQueen born, 1969. Actor Michael Gough died, 2011. Saint Patrick's Day in Ireland, Montserrat, Newfoundland and Labrador and Irish communities worldwide. Sláinte! Monday 18th March - The Roman Senate proclaimed Caligula emperor, 37. Jacques de Molay, last Grand Master of the Knights Templar, executed, 1314. Mary Tudor, Queen of France, born, 1496. The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, 1765, 1766. Novelist Laurence Stern died, 1768. Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th President of the United States, born, 1837. The supertanker Torrey Canyon ran aground off Cornwall, resulting in the then world's worst oil spill of 25-36 million gallons (94-164 litres), 1967. Singer and actress Queen Latifah born, 1970. Actress Peggy Wood died, 1978. Tuesday 19th March - Polish duke Henry the Bearded died, 1238. The English House of Commons passed the Abolition of the House of Lords, 1649 act, describing the Lords as "useless and dangerous to the people of England", 1649. Writer Tobias Smollett born, 1721. Composer Philip Hayes died, 1797. The Battle of Bentonville in the American Civil War began, 1865. Singer Anna Held born, 1872. Bob Dylan released his first, eponymous, album, 1962. Cricketer Ashley Giles born, 1973. Businessman and engineer John DeLorean died, 2005. Wednesday 20th March - Poet Ovid born, 43 BCE. King Henry IV of England died, 1413. Sir Walter Raleigh was freed after 13 years in the Tower of London, 1616. French emperor Napoleon III born, 1811. Artist Louis Léopold Robert died, 1835. Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published, 1852. Actress Theresa Russell born, 1957. The Aum Shinrikyo cult carried out a sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, 1995. Juliana of the Netherlands died, 2004. World Storytelling Day. The March equinox. Thursday 21st March - Ælla, King of Northumbria, killed in battle, 867. Dafydd ap Gruffydd attacked Hawarden Castle, 1282. Algonquin princess Pocahontas died, 1617. Composer Johann Sebastian Bach born, 1685. Austrian forces repelled the French at the Battle of Arcis-sur-Aube in the Napoleonic Wars, 1814. Journalist, suffragist and union activist Alice Henry born, 1857. South African police opened fire on a group of demonstrators in Sharpeville, 1960. Snooker player Mark Williams born, 1975. Comedian and actor Ernie Wise died, 1999. International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. World Down Syndrome Day.
This week, Bob Dylan:The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for any one but inspire them?
A selection of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films starring Diana Dors:
- We're their workforce, why would they want to kill their workforce?
- - This is cozy.
- It's a broom cupboard.
- Well you should feel right at home, then.- Veg bad. Veg bad. Veg bad. Say no to carrots, cabbage and cauliflower.
- - A gun and a radio. It's not exactly Christmas, is it?
- Were you expecting an exploding pen? We don't really go in for that anymore.- -What is the password?
- Iron Man sucks.
- There's an Elemental on your shoulder!
-- From Beyond the Grave [1974]- It's pleased, Georgie. The library is pleased!
-- The Amazing Mr Blunden [1972]- - Are you trying to get me tight?
- You're frightening enough sober.
-- There's a Girl In My Soup [1970]- A Rolls Royce is the ambition of almost every newly qualified doctor.
-- Doctor at Sea [1955]- You heard of Christian Dior? Well, I'm Yiddishe Dior.
-- A Kid for Two Farthings [1955]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
- HISTORY! Stonemasons carrying out repair work on Guernsey's Castle Cornet have found a "small football-sized" cannonball embedded "quite deep" in a wall. The munition is thought to date from the English Civil War when the fortress was one of the last Royalist strongholds and was located on an island (joined to Guernsey today by a causeway), frequently fired upon from St Peter Port during the ten years that it held out, finally falling into Parliamentarian hands in 1651. ● A previously-unknown dinosaur has been identified from five jaw bones discovered in a long-lost rift valley on the eastern edge of Australia that formed part of a land link to Antarctica during the Cretaceous era (145m-66m years ago). The dinosaur, dubbed Galleaonosaurus dorisae was about the size of a wallaby, herbivorous, and would have run on powerful hind legs. It is closely related to a later species, Diluvicursor pickeringi found in the same area in 2018, and to similar dinosaurs found in Patagonia, adding to knowledge of how the present-day continents were once connected. ● Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay is best known for the prison built on it, which once held the likes of Al Capone, George "Machine Gun" Kelly and Robert Stroud (the "Birdman of Alcatraz"), but historians have long believed that in the 1800s it was the site of military fortifications. Recently the site, in the care of the National Park Service, was surveyed with ground-penetrating radar and other scanning systems, which revealed evidence of buildings, batteries, magazines and tunnels beneath the prison recreation yard. "They weren't erased from the island," Binghampton University archaeologist Timothy de Smet told PBS, "they're right beneath your feet."
- NATURE! Scientists studying the ice sheet over Greenland have found that rain is becoming more frequent in the long Arctic winter and accelerating the melting of the ice. Precipitation in Greenland's winter has usually taken the form of snow, which can help restore ice lost during the summer, but the increase in rainfall is instead causing the melting to continue. The loss of ice is also accelerated by pollution, including soot, which is carried aloft from other countries and lowers the ice sheet's albedo, or reflectivity, causing it to absorb more heat during the summer months. Greenland's ice sheet hold enough ice to raise sea levels worldwide by 7 metres (23') were it all to melt. ● A stray dog called Mera has become the first canine known to have conquered the 23,389' (7,129m) peak of Baruntse in the Himalayas, doing so without assistance, and still able to run while at the summit. Sherpas who accompanied the climbers are used to dogs hanging around at base camps, but the 45lb (20.4kg) Tibetan mastiff/Himalayan sheepdog cross who latched on to climber Don Wargowsky amazed even them, and they accepted her as a good luck symbol for the expedition. Only one problem remains - according to the Himalayan Database's Billi Bierling, Mera could be in trouble for having climbed Baruntse without a permit. ● News a few weeks ago of the threat caused by the mass extinction of insects may have been very slightly alleviated with the identification of over a hundred previously unknown species of weevils on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi. The newly-identified beetles are all miniscule, just a few millimetres long (there are 254mm to an inch), and have been named after scientists, including Francis Crick, James Watson and Charles Darwin, as well as characters from Asterix and Star Wars.
- SCIENCE! A third patient is believed to have been cured of the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), which can lead to AIDS, after receiving a bone marrow transplant. In all three cases the donor carried the CCR5 gene mutation which makes them naturally resistant to HIV, and it is thought that this gene 'rebooted' the recipients' immune systems. Unfortunately the CCR5 mutation is only present in around 1% of the western population, and rarer elsewhere in the world, and the procedure carries great risks, so only three people with life-threatening cancers as well as HIV have successfully received it. Researchers are now considering whether gene editing technologies like Crispr could provide a viable way of providing the CCR5 gene for transplant. ● The search for a ninth planet in the Solar System (or tenth, for Plutophiles) goes on, and Professor Konstantin Batygin of Caltech believes that rather than being a dwarf planet it could be a "super Earth" up to five times the size of our planet. Batygin and his colleagues have recently published two papers, one arguing for the existence of a "distant giant planet in an eccentric inclined orbit" pushing and pulling at objects in the Kuiper Belt, the other reviewing research into the movement of Kuiper Belt objects and the proposed "Planet Nine". ● A global research project has revealed that coastal marshes are "sleeping giants" in the fight against climate change. As marshland plants die they are buried in mud, rather than decomposing to release carbon into the atmosphere, and as sea levels rise fresh sediment layers wash into the marshes, further burying the carbon-rich dead plant matter. The report from the project has warned against eroding coastal marshes which are threatened by shrimp farming, land reclamation, shipping and sea walls.
- PEOPLE! After MIT Technology Review published an article based on a 34-page research paper suggesting that 'hipsters' trying to make a "countercultural statement" can end up all looking alike, accompanied by a stock image of a bearded hipster in a plaid shirt and knitted beanie hat (identified in the article as "trendy winter attire"), they set in motion an unexpected proof of the paper. A man sent them an angry email saying that he was the man in the stock photo and accusing them of slandering him and using his picture without permission. The magazine contacted Getty, the agency from which they had acquired the stock photo, and found out that the furious emalier was not the 'hipster' in the photo, just someone who (apparently) looked a lot like him, "all of which just proves the story we ran: hipsters look so much alike that they can't even tell themselves apart from each other," editor Gideon Lichfield laughed. ● Another cautionary tale for the selfie generation - a woman who climbed over a barrier at an Arizona zoo to take a selfie in front of a jaguar was left with deep but non-life-threatening gashes to her arms after the jaguar reached through fencing to swipe her. Wildlife World Zoo director Mickey Ollson said that the barriers were there for a reason, and there was "no way to fix people crossing barriers", adding that although it was the second time the jaguar has attacked someone who crossed over the barrier the incident was caused by "human error" and the jaguar would not be euthanised. ● The backlash against drones has well and truly begun. In Long Island, New York, a drone being used to search for a missing dog was shot down with three bullets by a neighbour as it flew over his house. Gerald Chasteen, 26, has been charged with third-degree criminal mischief and prohibited use of a weapon; his family told reporters that he was unaware it was being used to look for the dog. On the other side of the planet Google's parent company Alphabet has just finished a year-long test program using drones as a delivery service in Boynthon, a suburb of Canberra, Australia, carrying everything from food to prescription medicines. According to Google it was a success, but according to the Boynthon Against Drones (BAD) group the number one problem was noise - the drones are large, operate from early morning to evening, hover over a site before making a delivery and their loud, high-pitched whine can penetrate walls and double-glazing. BAD cited a NASA study that found drones' whine can be intensely irritating, even more so than road traffic, and suggest that it could have a detrimental effect on pets and wildlife. A 1,000+ signature petition to have the trial stopped early was delivered to the Canberra government, but was ignored. Some residents have threatened to bring down drones using any means available should the service be restarted.
- CRIME! Brothers Bailey Roy, 21, and Damien Roy, 22, are probably not the sharpest tools in the box. Back in October the two, from Nova Scotia, bought a 1967 Buick Skylark and planned to drive it from Canada to Mexico taking a route avoiding official checkpoints (because they had neither passports nor any other official ID) and filling it with 21 canisters of petrol to avoid having to stop at gas stations. They carefully planned their route using paper maps, loaded up the car and set off. Instead of a route bypassing checkpoints, they instead found themselves approaching one of the largest customs points in New Brunswick, so they stopped the car in the middle of the road. Canadian border officials approached the car and tried to ask the brothers who they were, but got no response and, upon seeing all the cans of petrols, suspected a planned terrorist attack, calling in the Mounted Police, US border officials, a drone and police dogs, causing the crossing to be shut down for 12 hours. After six and a half hours of just sitting in the car the brothers got out and were arrested. This week a plea deal was reached which saw the charge of committing a terrorist hoax dropped in return for guilty pleas to a lesser charge, and the brothers released on time served. As the prosecutor said in court, "This was more stupid than it was criminal." ● Florida's Pensacola Police Department ended a four-hour standoff with a man suspected of battery and barricaded into his home claiming to have "a gun to his head" in a most effective, if unorthodox, way. Evan Charles McLemore, who had preciously been jailed for 18 months for battery, had claimed that he was not going back to prison despite the existence of a warrant for his arrest for aggravated stalking. His stepmother had earlier told police that he had once held a knife to his grandmother's throat, had tried to strangle his father and had sent many threatening text messages. The Police ended the standoff with a promise to deliver a pizza, although it was not reported if McLemore was allowed to eat a slice before being taken away. The Police Department declined to comment on toppings, citing "operational security and all that". ● Seven Kenyan men have been charged with impersonating President Uhuru Kenyatta to swindle a businessman out of 10 million shillings ($100,000; £75,600). One of the men had phoned Naushad Merali, head of the Samaar Africa tyre company and his financial director Akif Butt pretending to be Kenyatta and offering a land sale, while the other men arrived in luxury cars to collect the money. The Kenyatta government is embroiled in several alleged corruption scandals, perhaps adding an air of authenticity to the crime.
IN BRIEF: Twitter abuzz with the mathematical life hack "x% of y is equal to y% of x", as well as the "correct" way to eat fresh pineapple. ● Man suing British Airways after having to sit next to an obese man "the size of Jonah Lomo" which "forced [him] into a position of unnatural posture" through the 12-hour flight that left him with back problems affecting his ability to work. ● Mayors of the Iceland towns of Bolungarvik and Ísafjörđur filing daily complaints to Google over Google Maps depiction of their towns as snow-covered when they are usually "green and beautiful" with only occasionally enough snow for winter sports; complain that tourists might be put off visiting. ● International study by Rand concludes that people who get up two or more times a night to go to the lavatory are so tired during the day that they are costing their countries' economies billions - around £4.5bn ($5.95bn) a year in the UK. ● If there is one way to annoy a Brit it is to criticise their tea-making skills, but the Jockey Club's etiquette expert Neil Phillips is suggest that rather than stirring tea with a circular motion we should be moving the spoon in a straight line from the far to the near side of the mug and back... ● A 'cult' which claims a burping therapy can remove evil spirits allegedly meets in a Somerset B&B. ● Mayor of Bologna, Italy, decries Spaghetti Bolognese as "fake news" and an invented dish, adds that "what we'd prefer the world to know is Bologna invented tagliatelle, tortellini and lasagne." ● Texan barber giving away free condoms with every haircut, but staples them to business cards...
TRUMPWATCH - An occasional look at the sillier stories around the US president: Bafta-winning artist Alison Jackson put out an urgent appeal for help finding a bespoke "Donald Trump wig" worth £15,000 ($19,800) that 15 stylists had spent six months creating for her, and was to be worn by a lookalike in a a show. She had accidentally left the wig, fitted on a wig maker's block in a black bag, in the back of a London black cab. ● Quinnipiac University survey finds that almost two thirds of American voters think Trump committed crimes before becoming president, and 50% trusted Michael Cohen - Trump's former lawyer and 'fixer' who is heading to jail after lying to Congress - against 35% who trust Trump. ● Trump claims he was misinterpreted when he said he took North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un at his word that he did not know anything about the death of American student Otto Warmbier, despite being videoed saying it. He later denied called Apple CEO Tim Cook "Tim Apple" to his face, despite being videoed doing exactly that, then frantically backpedals claiming that he intended a pause between 'Tim' and 'Apple', then rages on Twitter about people - and news agencies, of course - deliberately misinterpreting him. ● The Trump SoHo New York hotel was failing dismally until they rebranded as The Dominick, dropping the name 'Trump'; now one of the most sought-after stays in the city. ● A month after Trump declared a national emergency on the US-Mexican border the Department of Homeland Security has not yet filed a list of projects it supposedly needs to appropriate military funding for, while to actually build the wall will require numerous applications of eminent domain to seize private land; such seizures are processed through Congress, not the White House or Homeland Security...
Respawn Entertainment ban 355,000 Apex Legends accounts for cheating, all on PC version. ● Mattel release first Maori Barbie, modelled on rugby player turned journalist Melodie Robinson. ● Barbra Streisand to play British Summer Time festival in Hyde Park, alongside Florence + The Machine, Robbie Williams, Celine Dion this summer. ● Carole Bayer Sager to receive US Songwriters Hall of Fame Johnny Mercer Award. ● Camilia Cabello's "Havana" named biggest global hit of last year - despite being released in 2017. ● Captain Marvel breaks record for highest-grossing female-led film with estimated opening box office of $153m (£116m) in the U.S., $455m (£345.3m) globally. ● Netflix slammed for its synopsis of Doctor Who as "Evil aliens. A Wacky but brilliant tourguide. Flying through space in a tiny blue box is the trip of a lifetime"; one Twitter user suggests they would been better using the Tenth Doctor's "It's a wibbly wobbly timey thing." ● Demo tape thought to be the first recording of David Bowie's "Starman" auctions for £51,000 ($67,200). ● UK's first nationwide country music radio station, Country Hits Radio, to launch next month. ● Latest Fortnite update makes PS4/XBox One cross-play the default for battle royale mode. ● Final night of Take That's Greatest Hits Live tour to be broadcast live to 600 UK cinemas. ● Suffolk Coastal District Council investigating whether Ed Sheeran's wildlife pond is really for wildlife (for which planning permission was granted), not parties, as it has a jetty, steps and sheds. ● Michael Ball, Alfie Boe to headline finale of Hampton Court Palace Festival in June. ● Pokémon Go company Niantic release details of upcoming Harry Potter: Wizards Unite augmented reality game. ● Idris Elba reportedly in talks to take over Deadshot role vacated by Will Smith in Suicide Squad 2. ● Jennifer Lopez, Alex Rodriguez engaged. ● Julie Andrews to receive Venice Film Festival's Golden Lion for Career Achievement. ● Ukraine pulls out of Eurovision Song Contest after winner and runners-up in its song-picking contest refused to agree not to perform in Russia. ● Joni Mitchell's book of handwritten lyrics and paintings Morning Glory on the Vine to go on general sale after limited edition of 100 were produced in 1971. ● Bananarama, back as duo, release first track from upcoming In Stereo album. ● Lana Del Rey self-publishing book of poetry priced at $1 (£0.76) ● Maxine Peak to play Nico for Manchester International Festival stage show. ● Disney moves release date of sequel Maleficent: Mistress of Evil forward 8 months to October 2019. ● Margaret Atwood to tour UK this autumn to promote The Handmaid's Tale sequel The Testaments. ● Stormzy added to line-up for Radio 1's Big Weekend event, alongside Miley Cyrus, Little Mix, The 1975, Billie Eilish, Vampire Weekend and others. ● Tess Daly, Claudia Winkleman complete 24 hour 5 minute dance marathon for Comic Relief. ● The Flash showrunner Todd Helbing standing down after fifth season, co-executife producer Eric Wallace to take over. ● Long-lost drawings by John Constable auction for £60,000 ($79,000) and £32,000 ($42,165).
Cyclist Kelly Catlin (US team pursuit world champion [2016, 2017, 2018], US team pursuit Olympic silver medallist [Rio 2016 Games], 23), TV presenter Magenta Devine (Network 7, Rough Guide series, Young, Gifted and Broke, 61), actor Jan-Michael Vincent (Airwolf, The Mechanic, The Winds of War, 73), actor Jed Allan (Beverly Hills 90210, Lassie, The Days of Our Lives, 84), businessman Sid Sheinberg (president & CEO of MCA Inc/Universal Studios who first hired Steven Spielberg, 84), mobster Carmine Persico (former head of New York City's Colombo crime family, 85), studio drummer Hal Blaine (The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds, Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night", Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs Robinson", 90).
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:4, 22, 30, 35, 48, 53[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer and Little Emily were walking home from the park when, as they passed the vicarage next to the park, the vicar leaned over the wall, with a tennis ball in his hand. "Hello, Little Jennifer, Little Emily, is this your ball?" he said.
Little Jennifer looked thoughtful. "Did it do any damage?" she asked.
"No, it just landed on my lawn a few minutes ago," the vicar replied.
Little Jennifer smiled sweetly, as only Little Jennifer could. "Then it's ours," she said.
^ ...end of line