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Issue #527 - 17th May 2019
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| Contents | — – o o O o o – — |
^ WORD OF THE WEEK
bummel |
Friday 17th May - Albert, Duke of Prussia and last Grand Master of the Teutonic Knights, born, 1490. Artist Sandro Botticelli died, 1510. The marriage of King Henry VIII of England and Anne Boleyn was annulled, 1536. Empress Catherine I of Russia died, 1727. The Buttonwood Agrement was signed, creating the New York Stock Exchange, 1792. Composer Erik Satie born, 1866. The Antikythera mechanism was discovered by archaeologist Valerios Stais, 1902. Racing driver, author, land and water speed records holder and inventor of the rear-view mirror Dorothy Levitt died, 1922. Singer-songwriter Enya born, 1961. International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. World Information Society Day. Saturday 18th May - Emperor Constantine the Great ordered the free distribution of food to the citizens of Constantinople, 332. Poet, astronomer and mathematician Omar Khayyám born, 1048. An arrest warrant was issued for playwright Christopher Marlowe on a charge of heresy, 1593. Astromoner and historian Stanisław Lubienicki died, 1675. Photographer Gertrude Käsebier born, 1852. Composer Gustav Mahler died, 1911. Jackie Cochran became the first woman to break the sound barrier, 1953. Singer-songwriter and actress Toyah Willcox born, 1958. Alan Oakley, designer of the Raleigh Chopper bicycle, died, 2012. International Museum Day. Sunday 19th May - Poet Li Bai born, 701. The marriage by proxy of the 13-year-old Catherine of Aragon to the 12-year-old Arthur, Prince of Wales, 1499. Anne Boleyn, Queen of England and second wife of King Henry VIII, executed, 1536. Artist Jacob Jordaens born, 1593. The daytime sky over New England and parts of Canada was unusually dark, 1780. James Boswell, writer and biographer of Samuel Johnson, died, 1795. Humanitarian Nicholas Winton born, 1909. Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday, Mr President to U.S. President John F. Kennedy at a Madison Square Garden salute, 1962. Singer-songwriter Jenny Berggren born, 1972. Racing driver Jack Brabham died, 2014. Monday 20th May - A Pictish army under King Bridei III defeating Northumbrian invaders under King Ecgfrith at the Battle of Dun Nechtain, 685. Æthelberht II, king of East Anglia, murdered, 794. Anatomist Hieronymus Fabricius born, 1537. Abraham Ortelius' Theatrum Orbis Terrarum, the first modern atlas, was printed in Amsterdam, 1570. American-Canadian explorer Simon Fraser born, 1776. Poet John Clare died, 1864. Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis were granted a U.S. patent for blue jeans with copper rivets, 1873. Detective fiction novelist Margery Allingham born, 1904. Actress Barbara Murray died, 2014. World Metrology Day. World Bee Day. Tuesday 21st May - The coronation of 16-year-old Otto III as Holy Roman Emperor, 996. Engraver Albrecht Dürer born, 1471. King Henry VI of England died, probably murdered, 1471. Mount Unzen in Japan erupted creating a megatsunami that killed 14,524 people, 1792. Paleontologist Mary Anning born, 1799. Activist and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Jane Addams died, 1935. Cyclist Mark Cavendish born, 1985. The world failed to end despite the prediction of Harold Camping, 2011. Singer-songwriter Twinkle died, 2015. World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development. Wednesday 22nd May - Empress Genshō of Japan died, 748. Halley's Comet made its 14th recorded perihelion passage, 760. Artist Richard Brakenburgh born, 1650. The Trevi Fountain in Rome was completed and inaugurated, 1762. Martha Washington, first First Lady of the United States, died, 1802. Composer Richard Wagner born, 1813. The Associated Press news agency was founded in New York City, 1900. Actress Cheryl Campbell born, 1949. Fusilier Lee Rigby murdered, 2013. International Day for Biological Diversity. World Goth Day 💀🍷 Thursday 23rd May - Burgundian troops captured Joan of Arc en-route to the Siege of Compiègne, 1430. Antiquarian Elias Ashmole born, 1617. Pirate William Kidd hanged, 1701. Cyrill Demian was granted the patent for the accordion in Vienna, 1829. Suffragist and social reformer Isabella Ford born, 1855. Playwright Henrik Ibsen died, 1906. Singer-songwriter and actress Jewel born, 1974. The first version of the Java programming language was released, 1995. Nobel Prize laureate mathematician John Nash and his wife Alicia were killed in a car crash, 2015. World Turtle Day.
This week, Lord Byron, from Darkness (1816):The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The Moon, their Mistress, had expired before;
The winds were wither'd in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perish'd; darkness had no need
Of aid from them — she was the Universe.
A selection of quotations from films with a common actor or actress. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films starring Ben Stiller:
- Will the Feng Shui Club please stop rearranging the tables on the lawn.
- Close your mouth, please, Michael. We are not a codfish.
- Oh, my gosh look at that fluffy unicorn! ... He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
- Only grown-up men are scared of women.
- Jules Verne once wrote: "Put two ships in the open sea, without wind or tide... they will come together." That's how my parents met: like two ships destined for each other.
- You never told me about your cat milking days in Motown.
-- Meet the Parents [2000]- Is that... is that hair gel?
-- There's Something About Mary [1998]- This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!
-- Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy [2004]- - You are speaking to the Pharaoh. Kiss my staff!
- Oh, uh... is it okay if I don't?
-- Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb [2014]- I feel like a mile-high, pastrami on rye, on the fly from the deli in the sky!
-- Madagascar [2005]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
- HISTORY! In 1958 diamond cutting firm Van Moppes was contracted to drill out cores from some of the stones at Stonehenge to be replaced with steel rods to reinforce the structure. Robert Phillips, one of the workers, kept a 42" (1.07m) core as a souvenir, eventually taking it with him when he emigrated to America and displaying it with pride in his office. As he approached his 90th birthday Phillips decided the core should be returned to Britain, so his sons Robin and Lewis flew across the Atlantic to present it to English Heritage, the organisation in charge of Stonehenge. Curator Heather Sebire said that the core could provide valuable information about the 5,000-year-old monument's sarsen stones' origins. ● The village of Plougastel in Brittany, France, is offering a €2,000 (£1,726; $2,216) reward to anyone who can decipher a 20-line inscription carved into a rock on a beach 230 years ago. As well as the regular French alphabet, some letters of which are reversed or upside-down are Scandinavian characters, the years 1786 and 1787 and images of a sailing ship and a sacred heart. Some academics think it might be a phonetic representation of old Breton or Basque, others that it might be linked to coastal defences built to protect the Bay of Brest from English invaders. ● A site between an Aldi supermarket and a pub in Essex which was discovered during roadworks in 2003 has been identified as an Anglo-Saxon royal burial site and acclaimed as "the U.K.'s answer to Tutankhamun's tomb". Originally in a timber structure 13' (4m) square and 5' (1.5m) deep the only surviving human remains were fragments of tooth enamel, but the tomb also containd 40 rare artefacts including a lyre, gold coins, glass beakers, a flagon thought to be Syrian and a box thought to be the only surviving example of Anglo-saxon painted woodwork. It was originally thought to have been the tomb of Saebert, king of Essex from 604 to 616, but carbon dating placed it at least 11 years earlier, leading to the "best guess" that it held the body of Seaxa, Saebert's brother.
- NATURE! Vets in New Zealand have performed life-saving brain surgery on a 56-day-old Kakapo chick found to have a hole in its skull "which allowed part of the brain and dura to herniate out". Air New Zealand flew the bird from its home on a small island off New Zealand's South Island to Massey University on the North Island for free, and veterinary surgeons adapted techniques used on humans and other mammals to repair the life-threatening hole. The bird was reported as recovering well. Kakapos, a large and groundless species of parrot are critically endangered, with less than 150 birds left thanks to predators, habitat loss and poaching, although they have recently experienced their most successful breeding year in recent times. ● For nearly a year a tabby cat has taken to wandering into the A&E department of Southmead Hospital in Bristol, where he has cheered up staff and patients, many of whom took him to be a stray. In fact Kolo lives in a nearby house, as "he" revealed on a Facebook page set up for him by staff, and which regularly featured pictures of him cuddling up to patients and napping on desks, but now Helen Blanchard, North Bristol NHS Trust's nursing and quality director has said that Kolo is no longer welcome and "we will be stepping up our efforts to ensure it no longer comes into the building." ● Scientists have discovered that the white-throated rail, a flightless bird native to the Aldabra atoll in the Indian Ocean evolved twice. The bird probably initially reached the atoll from Madagascar where its flying form is indigenous and lost its ability to fly as a result of a lack of predators but became extinct 136,000 years ago when the atoll was inundated by the ocean. Then, 100,000 years ago, rails recolonised the atoll and again evolved to be flightless.
- SCIENCE! It is often claimed that lightning never strikes the same spot twice, but a security camera in Houston disproved it last week during extreme weather, recording bolts of lightning seemingly hitting the same place 11 times running. ● On June 22nd a SpaceX Falcon Heavy Rocket is scheduled to launch from Cape Canaveral in Florida carrying 25 experimental spacecraft including LightSail 2, weighing 11lb (5kg) and the size of a loaf of bread, but with a deployable solar sail measuring 350 square feet (32.5m2) which it is hoped will enable it to move into a higher orbit powered by nothing but the push of photons from sunlight. In 2015 Lightsail 1 was launched and successfully demonstrated the deployment of a solar sail. ● Earlier this week Victor Vescovo dived to a world record depth of 35,853' (10.93km) in the Challenger Deep section of the Marianas Trench, the deepest-known location on Earth's surface, using a custom-built submersible called the DSV Limiting Factor. The dive broke filmmaker James Cameron's solo dive record by 66' (20.12m). Vescovo said that he had been inspired to dive to the deepest places in each ocean after climbing the highest mountains on each continent. At the deepest point, where sea pressure was 16,000 psi (1,103 bar), Vescovo observed small translucent fish and amphipods and collected samples of rock from the seafloor. More disturbingly, at the bottom of the ocean, Vescovo found plastic waste.
- PEOPLE! When Elizabeth Mannion-O'Keeffe got married her 93-year-old mother was unable to attend due to illness, which Mannion-O'Keefe described as "devastating", so two weeks later she and her husband restaged their wedding in the Warrington care home where her mother lives, with staff members as bridesmaids. ● While Nebraska farmer Kurtis Kaser, 63, was moving corn btween locations he accidentally stepped into the grain auger - the screw conveyor used to move the corn. He was alone, did not have his phone on him, and his leg was being pulled into the mechanism, so he pulled out a penknife and began cutting away below his knee. "I just started cutting with the knife. I knew I was done cutting because I felt a funny feeling, maybe it was a tendon I cut," he later told reporters. He then crawled to his house using his elbows, stopping only briefly because he was afraid of passing out, and phoned emergency services. He was taken to Bryan Medical Center by helicopter. Kaser will be fitted with a prosthetic once his wound heals and he will return to farming. It was not his first injury on the farm - when he was 6 his leg got caught in a tractor but he only suffered skin abrasion that time. ● Irish woman Eileen Macken, 81, grew up in a Bethany Home orphanage in Dublin, but has been searching for her birth mother since she was 19, and last year she got in touch with Irish broadcaster RTE's Liveline programme to appeal for help. Earlier this year a genealogist contacted Macken with the news that he had located her mother in Scotland, and last month Macken travelled to meet her family. "I haven't got over the acceptance that I got," she said, adding that when she first met her mother, who is 104 this month, she was reading a paper. "I said we were from Ireland and she said 'I was born in Ireland.' I said 'You know I'm your daughter' and she just looked up at me she took my hand. [..] there was such a bond between the two of us. It was fantastic." Up until the late 20th Century it was common for unmarried mothers in Ireland to be placed in Magdalene asylums and their children put in orphanages.
- CRIME! Norfolk police have revealed that in a recent speed check operation on the A47, where the maximum permitted speed is 70mph (112.7km/h) six drivers were clocked doing over 100mph (160km/h) with the fastest driving at 146mph (235km/h). One of the drivers - who was doing 103mph (165km/h) - was also arrested on suspicion of driving under the influnce of drugs. In a social media post about the operation the police pointed out that the "starting point for the courts" on such occasions is a 56-day driving disqualification. ● An American district judge has rejected a motion filed by Tesla CEO Elon Musk to dismiss a defamation lawsuit against him brought by British professional cave diver Vernon Unsworth, who was involved in the rescue of the Thai boys soccer team and their coach last year. After Unsworth publicly dismissed Musk's plan to rescue the team using a specialised submarine as "a PR stunt" Musk tweeted that "Never saw this British expat guy who lives in Thailand (sus) at any point when we were in the caves. We will make one of the mini-sub/pod going all the way to Cave 5 no problemo. Sorry pedo guy, you really did ask for it." Musk later apologised and deleted the tweet, but then accused (without evidence) Unsworth of taking a 12-year-old child bride and said that the diver would sue him if the claims were actually untrue. His trial is scheduled for October 22nd. ● A man who allegedly drove off from a petrol station in a stolen car without paying knocked on the door of Newtown police station in Birmingham to ask for help, saying he thought he was being chased. He was arrested, and officers later tweeted about the incident describing it as "an epic fail" with one user suggesting that it would "save so much time and effort" if more criminals "came knocking on your door."
IN BRIEF: Taiwan man who accidentally swallowed one of his Apple AirPod wireless earphones while he slept recovered it after taking a prescribed laxative, cleaned it and found that is still worked. ● Print run of 46 million Australian A$50 notes has printing error in small print, spelling 'responsibility' as 'responsibilty'. ● Grown-up members of former Cheshire primary school football team reunite from around the world to recreate 40-year-old team photo. ● Montreal cinema accidentally plays horror film trailer showing mother drowning child before screening of children's film Detective Pikachu. ● Nottinghamshire Lidl supermarket shelf stackers find Costa Rican tree frog in box of bananas. ● Guns N' Roses suing Colorado brewery over Guns 'N Rosé beer. ● Soccer player Danny Drinkwater banned for drink-driving. ● Canberra University library evacuated over suspected gas leak; turns out to be durian fruit. ● Essex accent voted the sexiest regional dialect in Britain, followed by... Glaswegian. ● Japan to start trials of 400km/h (248mph) maglev train; faster one in development. ● Kirklees Council punishes people who put non-recyclable waste in their recycling bins by taking away their recycling bins so none of their waste can be recycled after they have learned their error... ● Auction of almost 200 personal belongings of late former U.K. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher raises over £1m ($1.28m). ● Trailing pot plant bought 10 years ago which outgrew house now outgrowing owner's office - measured at over 300'- (90m)-long. ● Someone marked out giant penis geoglyphs in Melbourne, Australia, parks, that are only visible from altitude (or Google Earth). ● Man modifies Roomba autonomous vaccuum cleaner to swear whenever it bumps into anything. ● London Overground train driver accidentally leaves tannoy switched on while watching porn video; giggling passengers treated to loud sighs and moaning sounds.
TRUMPWATCH - A (theoretically) occasional look at the odder news around the US president. Watergate journalist Carl Bernstein has accused Attorney General William Barr of being Trump's Roy Cohn, the chief counsel to Joseph McCarthy's discredited Communist witch hunts and Trump's personal attorney and mentor who was disbarred in 1986 for unethical conduct, dying just weeks later, and describes Trump as probably "the most authoritarian president ... [with] nothing but contempt for Democratic traditions and the rule of law." ● CNN host Don Lemon, while giving fellow broadcaster Chris Cuomo a tour of the new CNN Tonight studio joked that he actually lived there, prompting Cuomo to ask who could afford an apartment that big in New York City. Lemon's response: "The only person who could afford an apartment like this maybe, well wouldn't be Trump it would be someone who's actually a real billionnaire." ● The name 'Donald' continues to plummet in popularity in the U.S. - data from the Social Security Administration (SSA) shows it fell 39 places between 2017 and 2018 to 526th most popular, its lowest ranking since the annual SSA lists started being published in the 1880s. 'Ivanka', 'Melania', 'Tiffany', 'Eric' and 'Barron' also fell, although 'Jared' saw a rise of 18 places to 367th. ● Speaking of whom, Jared Kushner's meeting with Republican senators to answer questions about his immigration plan showed just how utterly clueless he is without a PowerPoint presentation to fall back on, although by various accounts his PowerPoint is equally worthless, but it gives him a narrative - presumably as long as nobody asks any qustions... ● Details of where the Department of Defense will prune $1.5bn (£1.17) for part of Trump's border wall have emerged. It will be from the Airborne Warning and Control System, the Minuteman III ballistic nuclear missile program and other programs... [Does this mean NORAD will no longer be able to track Santa? A lump of coal for little Donnie this year... -Ed] ● Trump Tower in New York City is haemorrhaging tenants. At least 13 condos have been sold, most at a significant loss, since Trump was elected, due to the toxicity of the name on the building and a lack of maintenance that has left parts of it infested with rats. Businesses are also leaving, and at least one estate agent has reported that clients are giving instructions to not even consider it. ● Trump still under the delusion that U.S. consumers are not being hit by his tariffs on Chinese goods, despite them being paid by companies in the U.S. importing goods and passing the cost on. ● Tony Schwartz,
ghostco-writer of Trump's book The Art of the Deal suggests that it should be recategorised as fiction in light of Trump's "staggering" losses coming to light.
Broadway musical version of Mrs Doubtfire in early development. ● Adrin Edmonson joining Eastenders. ● Avengers: Endgame on course to be highest-grossing film in UK history; already taken more than Avengers: Infinity War took in the whole of 2018. ● Naomie Harris (Miss Moneypenny) hints that Daniel Craig might be up for continuing to play James Bond after as-yet-untitled 25th franchise film. ● CBS cancels Fam, Happy Together, Criminal Minds, Life in Pieces and Murphy Brown revival; picks up Tommy; other cancelled or ending shows include Empire (Fox), Blindspot (NBC), Modern Family (ABC), Arrow & Supernatural (The CW), Suits (USA), Vikings (History), You Me Her (Audience Network), Future Man (Hulu), Schitt's Creek (Pop) and Strike Back (Cinemax). ● Game of Thrones widely panned after penultimate episode storyline; author George R.R. Martin slams GoT actor Ian McElhinney's claim that the final two books in the series have been finished. ● Michael Rooker (Guardians of the Galaxy's Yondu) joins GotG director James Gunn's Suicide Squad sequel as King Shark. ● BBC pulls episode of current affairs comedy quiz Have I Got News For You less than 30 minutes before broadcast because of European elections as it featured Heidi Allen, acting leader of Change UK, so it would have broken election period guidelines covering "equal representation". ● ITV suspends then cancels The Jeremy Kyle Show after outcry following suicide of participant a week after filming episode. ● ABC reviving Kids Say the Darndest Things with Tiffany Haddish to host. ● Madonna's half-time performance at Eurovision Song Contest in doubt after organisers say no contract has been signed. ● Mortal Kombat 11 developer diagnosed with PTSD after working on gory death scenes. ● Penelope Cruz to receive San Sebastian International Film Festival's first Donostia Award. ● Robert DeNiro spoofing his mobster roles (and Bananarama) in new Warburtons' bagel ad to widespread acclaim. ● Simon Armitage appointed as next Poet Laureate. ● Universal to release fifth film in The Purge franchise in U.S. election year. ● Dame Edna Everage to return to BBC for one-off hour-long show. ● Sophie Ellis-Bextor pulls out of chairing U.K. Eurovision Song Contest jury for "unforeseen circumstances"; most-tipped act to win after semi-finals is the very European Australia...
Updates: John Lennon's signed copy of The Beatles' Yesterday and Tomorrow with swiftly-withdrawn 'Butcher' cover photo auctioned for £180,000 ($231,120); bought by U.S. collector. ● U.K. government slaps export ban on judge Sir Laurence Byrne's obscenity trial copy of D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover (with damask bag and handwritten notes by Byrne's wife) after it auctioned to a foreign buyer last year; British museums or collectors have three months to declare interest, then another three months to raise funds to match sale price.
Bafta TV awards. Leading actress: Jodie Comar, Killing Eve (BBC One); Leading actor: Benedict Cumberbatch, Patrick Melrose (Sky Atlantic); Supporting actress: Fiona Shaw, Killing Eve (BBC One); Supporting actor: Ben Whishaw, A Very English Scandal (BBC One); Entertainment performance: Lee Mack, Would I Lie To You (BBC One); Male performance in a comedy programme: Steve Pemberton, Inside No. 9 (BBC Two); Female performance in a comedy programme: Jessica Hynes, There She Goes (BBC Four); Drama series: Killing Eve (BBC One); Single drama: Killed By My Debt (BBC Three); Mini-series: Patrick Melrose (Sky Atlantic); Soap and continuing drama: Eastenders (BBC One); International: Succession: (Sky Atlantic); Entertainment programme: Britain's Got Talent (ITV); Comedy and comedy entertainment programme: A League of Their Own (Sky One); Scripted comedy: Sally4Ever (Sky Atlantic); Features: Who Do You Think You Are? (BBC One); Must-see moment: Bodyguard - Julia Montague assassination (BBC One); Current affairs: Dispatches - Myanmar's Killing Fields (Channel 4); Single documentary: Gun No. 6 (BBC Two); Factual series: Louis Theroux's Altered States (BBC Two); Reality and constructed factual: I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! (ITV); Specialist factual: Suffragettes With Lucy Worsley (BBC One); News coverage: Cambridge Analytica Uncovered (Channel 4); Sport: 2018 World Cup Quarter Final: England v Sweden (BBC One); Live event: Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance (BBC One); Short-form programme: Missed Call - Real Stories; Bafta Television Fellowship: Dame Joan Bakewell.
Lucha Libre wrestler and actor Cesar "Silver King" Barron (Nacho Libre, CMLL, WCW, 51), actress Peggy Lipton (The Mod Squad, Twin Peaks, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, 72), actor Kip Niven (Magnum Force, The Waltons, The Hindenburg, 73), comedian Freddie Starr (Opportunity Knocks, The Freddie Starr Show, An Audience with Freddie Starr, 76), comedian and actor Tim Conway (The Carol Burnett Show, McHale's Navy, SpongeBob SquarePants, 85), MP-turned-political broacaster Brian Walden (Lab-Birmingham Ladywood 1964-77, Weekend World, The Walden Interviews, 86), actress Machiko Kyō (Rashomon, The Teahouse of the August Moon, The Hole [1957], 95), WWII Navajo code talker Fleming Begay Sr (97), actress, singer and animal rights campaigner Doris Day (Calamity Jane, "Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be Will Be)", Doris Day Animal Foundation, 97).
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:1, 15, 23, 25, 48, 53[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer's class had been learning about the Titanic. "Alright, children," the teacher said, "for the rest of the lesson I would like you all to draw pictures of the Titanic hitting the iceberg. Remember that the Titanic was a big ocean liner with four funnels."
Less than a minute later Little Jennifer's hand shot up. "Finished, Miss!"
The teacher asked Little Jennifer to bring her picture up to the front. "Little Jennifer," she said, looking at it, "This is a blank sheet of paper. Where are the Titanic and the iceberg?"
Little Jennifer smiled, as only she could. "Well, Miss, I imagined that it must have been a really big iceberg, and I drew it from the view of someone standing on the other side from the crash."
^ ...end of line