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Issue #545 - 20th December 2019
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We are taking the next two weeks off and will be back on January 10th. We wish you a happy and restive Christmas/Yuletide/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter's Veil/WhateverYouChooseToCelebrate and a prosperous 2020. :) -Ed
Friday 20th December - Artist Pieter de Hooch born, 1629. Three ships of the Virginia Company set sail to establish the first permanent English settlement in the Americas at Jamestown, Virginia, 1606. Explorer Sacagawea died, 1812. It's a Wonderful Life, now regarded as a classic Christmas film, premiered to mixed reviews in New York City, 1946. Actress Jenny Agutter born, 1952. Astronomer Carl Sagan died, 1996. International Human Solidarity Day. Saturday 21st December - Poet Giovanni Boccaccio died, 1375. The Mayflower Pilgrims landed at what is now Plymouth Rock in Plymouth, Massachusetts, 1620. Priest and dog breeder Jack Russell born, 1795. Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House premiered at the Royal Theatre in Copenhagen, 1879. Sprinter Florence Griffith Joyner born, 1959. Actress Billie Whitelaw died, 2014. Sunday 22nd December - Roman emperor Diocletian born, 244. Olaf Magnusson, King of Norway, died, 1115. Stephen of Bois was crowned King of England, 1135. Writer George Eliot died, 1880. Alfred Dreyfus was wrongly convicted of treason against France, precipitating the Dreyfus Affair, 1894. Businesswoman Jane Lighting born, 1956. The Winter solstice (Northern Hemisphere) and Summer solstice (Southern Hemisphere). Monday 23rd December - Gunthamund became King of the Vandals, 484. Dagobert II, King of the Franks, was assassinated, 679 [traditional date]. Inventor Richard Arkwright born, 1732. Jane Austen's Emma was published, 1815. Poet Carol Ann Duffy born, 1955. Art collector Peggy Guggenheim died, 1979. Tom Bawcock's Eve in Mousehole, Cornwall. Tuesday 24th December - Explorer Vasco da Gama died, 1524. Salonist Julie Bondeli born, 1731. James Cook discovered and named Christmas Island (now called Kiritimati), 1777. Engineer and businessman Howard Hughes born, 1905. Several unexplained lights and an alleged UFO were reported by USAF personnel near RAF Woodbridge in Suffolk, in the Rendlesham Forest incident, 1980. Actress Heather Menzies died, 2017. Christmas Eve. Wednesday 25th December - Charlemagne was crowned Holy Roman Emperor, 800. Christina of Saxony, Queen consort of Denmark, Norway and Sweden, born, 1461. Christopher Columbus' carrack Santa María ran aground on a reef off Haiti, 1492. Noblewoman Lettice Knollys died, 1634. Mathematician and physicist Sir Isaac Newton born, 1642. Singer-songwriter James Brown died, 2006. Christmas Day. Thursday 26th December - Poet Thomas Gray born, 1716. Having crossed the Delaware River the night before, the Continental Army under Washington defeated a garrison of Hessian forces at the Battle of Trenton in the U.S. Revolutionary War, 1776. Botanist John Fothergill died, 1780. Marie and Pierre Curie announced the isolation of radium, 1898. Librarian Melvil Dewey, creator of the eponymous book classification scheme, died, 1931. Singer Jade Thirlwall born, 1992. Boxing Day. Wren Day in Ireland and on the Isle of Man.
This week, Maya Angelou:I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.
A selection of quotations from films with a common director. Answers next issue or from the regular address.Last issue's quotations were from films directed by Ron Howard:
- How many 'f's in "catastrophic"?
- One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
- Roger, there's only room in this band for one hysterical queen.
- Mankind is not evil, just... uninformed.
- To have someone in your control. To have them know that they are alive only because you have not decided to the contrary. Do you have that power? Ask yourself. It's not an easy question, I think you know that.
- - Alicia, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data.
- I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance.
-- A Beautiful Mind [2001]- Magic is the bloodstream of the universe. Forget all you know, or think you know. All that you require is your intuition.
-- Willow [1988]- We just put Sir Isaac Newton in the driver's seat.
-- Apollo 13 [1995]- Women, then, are a huge threat to the Church.
-- The Da Vinci Code [2006]- Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. The Statue is a gift from French citizens and has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere. Bocce Balls!
-- Splash [1984]
Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...
- As the Editor can attest*, aerosols and fire do not go well together. A driver in Halifax discovered it for himself last Saturday when, according to a Fire Service spokesman, he sprayed "excessive" amounts of air freshener in his car before lighting a cigarette. Fortunately he was stopped in stationary traffic at the time as the explosion blew out the car windscreen and windows, buckled the doors and caused damage to nearby shop windows. The driver suffered minor injuries. [*Candles and can of compressed air to clean iPod socket leading to total hair loss on one forearm and a badly singed beard.]
- There is a long-standing urban legend that parakeets joined Britain's wildlife after musician Jimi Hendrix released two on London's Carnaby Street in the 1960s - or possibly that two escaped during the wrap party for the shooting of The African Queen in 1951. New research, however, has uncovered sightings in the wild dating back to the 1860s, with others linked to outbreaks of "parrot fever" in 1929-31 and 1952 and, admittedly much later than the legend's claimed dates, an incident at Syon Park, the London residence of the Duke of Northumberland, when a light aircraft crashed into the aviary in the 1970s.
- Following last week's general election in the U.K. Members of Parliament were rushing to London this week to be sworn in and begin work, but at least four were delayed after choosing to travel by train, and for once it was not down to new timetables. Cat Smith, re-elected in Lancaster and Fleetwood tweeted that she was unlikely to make it on time despite "leaving 2 and half hours spare" thanks to "horses on the West Coast Mainline." Another Twitter user confirmed that at least one horse had escaped from its field and the train had had to reverse and switch to another track so the fence could be repaired. Network Rail later apologised and confirmed that three horses had got onto the railway line and had been recaptured safely and returned to their field.
- Twenty-five years after its original release Mariah Carey's song "All I Want For Christmas is You" has finally topped the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 singles' chart. At the time it was released as an E.P. rather than as a single, so was ineligible, then it finally charted in 2000 following rule changes and this year reached the #1 spot, making it Carey's 19th chart topper, beating her own record for solo performers; she is still second overall to The Beatles' twenty #1 songs in the U.S.
- Last week thirty students were evacuated from a school bus in Florida, with half treated at the scene for "mild respiratory irritation" after the driver reported an overwhelming smell and a possible "hazardous materials" incident. Parrish Fire District Division Chief Mike Williamson determined that the cause was actually someone liberally spraying Axe Body Spray [marketed as Lynx in the U.K.]. Nobody confessed but Williamson lined up the students and, quite literally, sniffed out the culprit who handed over an empty can. The incident was judged to have been a prank but investigations are ongoing. It was, apparently, Williamson's first Axe Body Spray evacuation incident in his 33-year career.
- Longleat Safari Park in Wiltshire has been inundated with socks after putting out an appeal on Facebook for "fresh, clean" examples of the footwear in any age, size or colour, which its chipmunks use to nest in and store food during the cold winter months. Socks were sent from as far afield as New Zealand. Spokesperson Alexa Maultby said that while "we'd like to thank everyone who has made the effort to donate [..] there's now a sock mountain and we're looking for other uses for them." [Ear warmers for the giraffes? - Ed]
- A ship thought lost in the Pacific Ocean in 2009 has reappeared. The Sam Ratulangi PB 1600, named for an Indonesian national hero, was last seen sailing from Taiwan under an Indonesian flag before all contact was lost. At the end of August fishermen from the Myanmarese village of Thama Seitta discovered it run around on a sandbar 7 miles (11km) offshore. They found nobody and no cargo aboard the 26,510-ton vessel and reported it to coastal police who called in the Navy. There have been claims that it was at a Bangladesh shipbreaker's to be broken up but had slipped its moorings, although this does not account for the missing ten years.
- Arlando Henderson, 29, was an employee of a bank in Charlotte, North Carolina, until he was arrested by the F.B.I. in San Diego, California, earlier this month on charges including stealing $88,000 (£67,240) in cash from the bank's vault. Henderson also allegedly falsified bank documents to get a car loan for a luxury Mercedes from another institution. Henderson came to the attention of the authorities after posting pictures of himself holding wads of cash and posing next to a white Mercedes on Facebook and Instagram where he boasted about building his "brand".
- Last month a bull, camel and donkey were found wandering together along a Kansas road leading to police putting out a social media appeal to locate their owner. It turned out that Sully the camel, Gus the donkey and Rufus the bull belonged to the Tanganyika Wildlife Park near Wichita. In the appeal, the police joked that if they could not find the owner they would be "halfway toward a live Nativity this Christmas season." The park, which is normally closed from mid-November to mid-March has decided to open this year for a holiday event called "Happy Hoof-i-days", and the three friends will have starring roles.
- Doctor Mathieu Morligherm of the University of California, Irvine, has revealed the results of a six-year project to fill in gaps in airborne surveys of Antarctica and identify deep canyons. The findings include the deepest point on continental Earth, at the bottom of the Denman Canyon under the glacier of the same name, which reaches down 11,500' (3.5km) and is filled with ice. Challenger Deep in the Marianas Trench in the western Pacific stretches down 6.8 miles (11km) and is still the lowest known point on the planet's surface, while the lowest exposed land is a mere 1,355' (413m) below sea level, on the shore of the Dead Sea. As well as measuring the depth of the Denman Canyon the project has identified ridges and valleys that might slow down or accelerate ice movement towards the sea as a result of climate change.
IN BRIEF: Brazilian man caught dressing up as his mother to take driving test for her after she had repeatedly failed it. ● Wyoming sheriff's deputies successfully lasso deer to pull it out of hole in iced-over pond. ● Scientists extract full DNA genome of woman who lived 6,000 years ago from birch pitch "chewing gum". ● Pair of John Lennon's sunglasses left in the back of Ringo's car in 1968 auctions for £137,500 ($179,950). ● US Navy pilots at bases across country write to Pentagon to request permission for personal arms because base civilian-contracted security staff are too fat and unfit to do their job, in wake of NAS Pensacola attack. ● Italy's Serie A soccer league criticised after unveiling anti-racism posters depicting monkeys. ● Van carrying de-icing material slides into Lake Michigan after skidding on ice. ● Swiss & Hungarian scientists analysing matter on Earth find traces of ancient red giant stars; we are, after all, made of stars. ● Recently-revealed 1875 photo might be earliest-known photograph of Stonehenge. ● Chinese man who spent 10 million yuan (£1.1m; $1.4m) building up a character in the Justice Online game is suing a friend after letting him play using it, only for the friend to sell the character for 3,888 yuan (£500; $654).
UPDATES: Boston artist Robert Webber arrested for writing "Epstein didn't kill himself" on the gallery wall where the duct-taped banana had been. Meanwhile the Arab American National Museum in Dearborn, Michigan, has spoofed the banana by duct taping a schwarama (a Middle Eastern street dish similar to a kebab) wrap to a wall. ● The Cottingley Fairies print we reported on earlier was auctioned for £1,050 ($1,374). ● The signed first-edition of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets bought online for 1p (1c) auctioned for £2,300 ($3,010).
Hundreds of legal experts and historians as well as 17 former members of the special prosecutor's team in the Watergate investigation have added their names to the call for impeachment. ● After Trump called for the Supreme Court to stop the impeachment process Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, at 86 the oldest Supreme Court Judge, told the BBC that "the president is not a lawyer. He's not law trained" ● Trump has sent a six-page letter to Congressional Democrat leader Nancy Pelosi (having accused her of losing her teeth earlier in the week) accusing the Democrats of "subverting American democracy" and demonstrating his failure to understand impeachment and its process, showing precisely why Presidents usually have a legal background, or at least understanding.
Having repeatedly criticised Hunter Biden for (allegedly) using his father's name to procure benefits for himself, it has emerged that on a ten-day hunting trip to Mongolia bought at a National Rifle Authority auction Donald Trump, Jr, killed a rare sheep (presumably of the more ferocious kind), then was retroactively given a hunting permit to legalise the kill after he had returned to America. ● As part of the settlement with the New York State Attorney's office over the fraudulent redirection of funds given to the Trump Foundation to Trump's personal use rather than to charities, Donald, Jr, Eric and Ivanka, who were all officers at the Foundation, have agreed to attend a mandatory training seminar to ensure they do not repeat the fraudulent misuse of charity funds in the future. Trump also has to pay $2m (£1.53m) compensation to the eight defrauded charities and admit that he misused Foundation funds for his election campaign, paying off his businesses' legal fees and to buy a $10,000 (£7,640) portrait of himself than was hung at one of his hotels. [Who'd have thought a can of orange paint could cost so much? -Ed]
Ethics experts, including Richard Painter who served as the chief ethics lawyer to President George W. Bush, have slammed Trump's promotion of his Mar-a-Lago golf resort as the "Southern White House", abusing his position to promote his businesses. ● As of December 10th, his 1,055th day in office, Trump has made 15,413 false or misleading claims according to Fact Checker, almost 600 of those from the last two months related to the Ukraine investigation including 80 claims that his phone call with Ukrainian President Zelensky was "perfect" (it had caused White House officials to raise concerns). ● In defiance of Trump and his love of Turkish
dictatorPresident Erdoğan the U.S. Senate has voted to recognise the early 20th century killings of Armenians by the Ottoman Empire as genocide. ● After the Trump War Room re-election account tweeted a doctored picture of Avengers: Infinity War baddie Thanos at the point of making half the population of Earth disappear, with Trump's face superimposed in an attempt to declare his re-election "inevitable" and his Democrat opponents wiped-out, Thanos' creator Jim Starlin called Trump a "pompous fool using my creation to stroke his infantile ego" and added that Trump "actually enjoys comparing himself to a mass murderer". Others on Twitter pointed out that "You've made Trump a supervillain and depicted him in the scene where his plan to kill everyone in the universe falls apart due to his arrogance and incompetance." [Thanos was killed - twice - in the sequel, Avengers: Endgame -Ed]Trump has claimed that his popularity ratings have "gone through the roof" since the impeachment hearings began. In fact they have, statistically, stayed flat. What could be said to be going through the roof is the support for his removal from office, up almost 10%. Support for all the potential Democratic candidates is also up. ● Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee claims he has been picked to lead what would be an unconstitutional 2024 re-election campaign for Trump, and says he sees no reason why Trump would not be eligible for serving a third term. There is no official evidence of a 2024 campaign.
Trump's lack of environmental concern is evident, not only in his unilateral withdrawal from the Paris Climate Accord, but also in his call for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve in Alaska, at the expense of indiginous people and wildlife. Investment banking giant Goldman Sachs has joined other banks in declaring that it will not finance such operations, in defiance of Trump. Trump has also been cyber bullying teenage environmental activist and Time Person of the Year Greta Thunberg again, tweeting that "Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill, Greta, Chill!" Thunberg prompted pwned him once again, changing her Twitter bio to say that she was "a teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend." [It's not just Trump she changes her Twitter bio for: after Putin called her "a kind but poorly informed teenager" she changed it to that, and after Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro criticised her for highlighting the destruction of the rainforest and the plight of indigenous people, calling her a "kind of pirralha", the Portuguese for 'brat', she changed her profile to 'pirralha'.] Melania Trump, whose "Be Best" anti-bullying campaign supposedly supports bullied teenagers, defended her husband's bullying of a teenager because Thunberg is "an activist who travels the world giving speeches." Former First Lady Michelle Obama, meanwhile, messaged Thunberg "Don't let anyone dim your light. Like the girls I've met in Vietnam and all over the world, you have so much to offer us all. Ignore the doubters and know millions of people are cheering you on."
New York City graffiti artist and b-boy Lonny Wood [a.k.a. PHASE 2] (originated "bubble lettering", 64), actor Nicky Henson (Fawlty Towers, Eastenders, Syriana, 74), actress Anna Karina (Alphaville, Une femme est une femme, Le Petit Soldat, 79), entertainer Kenny Lynch ("Up on the Roof", "You Can Never Stop Me Loving You", Carry On Loving, 81), actor Danny Aiello (The Godfather Part II, Do The Right Thing, Once Upon a Time in America, 86), naturalist and author David Bellamy (Bellamy's Britain, Bellamy's Backyard Safari, Don't Ask Me, 86), actress Sheila Mercier (Whitehall farces, Emmerdale Farm, Brian Rix Presents, 100).
^ DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!
Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:22, 30, 36, 42, 46, 57[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.
Little Jennifer had come home from the last day of school before Christmas. "What did you do in school today, Little Jennifer," her mother asked.
"Miss told us about New Year's resolutions, Mummy. Little Simon said he is going to tidy his room more often, Little Emma said she is going to help with the washing up every night and Little Mary said she is going to help walk her family's dog."
"And what resolution did you make, Little Jennifer," her mother asked.
Little Jennifer looked at her mother and smiled as only she could. "I told Miss that I'm already perfect and don't need to make any improvements, of course, Mummy!"
^ ...end of line