^{^} ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Friday 26th February		-		Valentinian I was proclaimed Roman emperor, 364. Playwright Christopher Marlowe born, 1564. Napoleon escaped from Elba, 1815. American Revolutionary War heroine Sybil Ludington died, 1839. Swimmer Jenny Thompson born, 1973. Actor Richard Chamberlain died, 2012.
Saturday 27th February		-		The coronation of King Henry IV of France, 1594. Pirate Roche Braziliano born, 1630. Gardener and diarist John Evelyn died, 1706. The Italian government asked for help to stop the Leaning Tower of Pisa from toppling, 1964. Paralympic wheelchair basketball medallist Bridie Kean born, 1987. Comedian Linda Smith died, 2006. World NGO Day. International Polar Bear Day.
Sunday 28th February		-		China's Han dynasty began with the enthronement of Liu Bang as Emperor, 202 BCE. Historian Aegidius Tschudi died, 1572. Cartographer Guillaume Delisle born, 1675. Wallace Caruthers invented nylon, 1935. Tennis player Jelena Janković born, 1985. Actress Jane Russell died, 2011. Rare Disease Day.
Monday 1st March		-		Courtier, spy and conspirator William Stafford born, 1594. Poet George Herbert died, 1633. The Salem witch trials began in Salem Village, Massachusetts, 1692. Actress Doris Hare born, 1905. Model and businesswoman Wilhelmina Cooper died, 1980. The United States Secret Service raided the offices of Steve Jackson Games, 1990. Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Sant (Saint David's Day) in Wales. Zero Discrimination Day (UN).
Tuesday 2nd March		-		King Richard III of England signed a royal charter formally incorporating the Royal College of Arms, 1484. Diplomat and scholar Thomas Bodley, founder of the Bodleian Library, born, 1545. Politician and historian Horace Walpole died, 1797. Roderick McLean made a failed assassination attempt on Queen Victoria in Windsor, 1882. Actress Jennifer Jones born, 1919. Singer Dusty Springfield died, 1999.
Wednesday 3rd March		-		Dramatist Thomas Otway born, 1652. Composer Johann Pachelbel died, 1706. The Continental Marines (now the United States Marine Corps) made their first successful amphibious landing at the Battle of Nassau in the American Revolutionary War, 1776. Singer-songwriter Jennifer Warnes born, 1947. With the election of Margaret Wilson as Speaker of the New Zealand House of Representatives, New Zealand became the first country where all the highest electoral offices were held by women, 2005. Dancer, choreographer and writer Else Fisher died, 2006. World Hearing Day (WHO). World Wildlife Day (UN).
Thursday 4th March		-		Nero was given the title princips iuventutis (head of the youth), 51. Explorer Henry the Navigator born, 1394. Writer Nikolai Gogol died, 1852. The Forth Rail Bridge, then the longest single cantilever bridge span in the world, was opened, 1890. Filmmaker Sam Taylor-Johnson born, 1967. Entertainer Minnie Pearl died, 1996.

^{^} THE WISDOM OF...

This week, Henry Van Dyke:

The first day of Spring is one thing, and the first Spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.

^{^} FILM QUIZ

A selection of quotations from films released in the same year. Answers next issue or from the regular address.

• We've got a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.
• Carpe diem, seize the day. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
• Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
• - God, that guy; beautiful apartment, house at the beach, babes, boat, car. Do you know how much it costs to park a car in Manhattan every month? More than my rent.
  - Well, I mean it's only fair. His car is a bit bigger than your apartment.
• Welcome to Texaco! You can trust your car by the system with the star. Checking oil. Checking landing gear.

Last issue's quotations were from films released in 1987:

• I told him [Christopher Columbus] the world was round and I never saw him again.
      -- Mannequin
• I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.
      -- Raising Arizona
• I was having fun on this job! You had all this energy, and all these crazy ideas... and you kept taking your pants off.
      -- The Secret of My Success
• Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.
      -- Predator
• What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?
      -- Spaceballs

^{^} WEIRD WORLD NEWS

Strange stories from around the world, some of which might be true...

• With the news dominated by COVID-19 for the last year it is easy to forget that other viruses exist. Russia has reported the first known cases of the H5N8 strain of bird flu in humans, with seven workers at a poultry factory infected with it at the end of last year. All made full recoveries and there is no evidence of human-human transmission. ● Thousands of people around the world spent much of the last two weeks watching a webcam at the Cambridge University Botanic Garden, trained on a flower. They were waiting for the moonflower (Selenicerous wittii) to bloom, and a few days ago it did, becoming the first moonflower to bloom in Britain. ● American scientists have successfully cloned a highly-endangered black-footed ferret using DNA taken from one that has been frozen since 1988. America's only native ferret, the species is so endangered that 120 wild specimens were given COVID-19 vaccines over the summer after tens of thousands of mink, closely related to ferrets, died of it. ● A video has appeared online of a husky dog called Malakai apparently saying 'no' when his owner tried to get him to go indoors. ● A pack of stray dogs with blue fur have been seen in Dzerzhinsk, about 370 mile (230km) east of Moscow, Russia. It is thought that they had rolled in powdered blue dye inside an abandoned glass factory; a pack with green fur was reported in Podolsk, 23 miles (37km) south of Moscow - an abandoned warehouse was found to contain sacks of green dye. ● A sheep that escaped five years ago has been rescued in bushland in Victoria, Australia. The sheep, dubbed Baarack by its rescuers, had to have more than 75lb (34kg) of wool sheared off. ● Almost 4,700 turtles were rescued from the freezing conditions that hit Texas last week, and were being kept warm at Sea Turtle Inc on South Padre Island, itself struggling with power cuts. Had they been left in the wild they would most likely have drowned after the cold conditions left them stunned. ● An Australian dentist has used dental moulding material to fashion a prosthetic foot for a koala that was missing his and unable to walk or climb without difficulty. ● The first yellow and white penguin - with no black - has been sighted, on a South Atlantic island.


• New York dietician Chelsey Amer has declared that a slice of leftover pizza is a healthier breakfast food than many cereals which, despite efforts by manufacturers to reduce their sugar content remain extremely high in carbohydrates while a slice of cheese pizza contains a balanced mix of proteins, carbohydrates and fat. Amer is not, however, suggesting pizza for breakfast every day, better options would be yoghurt and fruit with nuts and seeds or egg and spinach on wholegrain toast. [Here at Irregular Towers we are wondering who the heck has pizza left over from the night before... -Ed]


• A 6'6"- (2m)-high red ochre painting of a kangaroo has been identified as the oldest-known artwork in Australia. Radiocarbon dating of ancient mud wasp nests both on top and beneath parts of it has dated the picture, found in the Kimberley region of Western Australia, to around 17,300 (+/- 200) years ago. Dr Sven Ouzman, who co-authored the study of the painting, has suggested that it has stylistic similarities to rock paintings found on South East Asian islands dating back to more than 40,000 years ago, hinting at the possibility of even older Australian rock art yet to be discovered. ● A 2" (5cm) iron figure dug up in Cambridgeshire in 2018 has, after being cleaned, been found to depict a man apparently sporting a 'mullet' hairstyle. ● Archaeologists working on the proposed route of the A14 in Cambridgeshire in 2017-18 have pieced together a Roman millstone and found it be decorated with a carved phallus, making it only the fourth-known Romano-British millstone so decorated; phallic images were seen as representing strength, virility and good fortune. ● Retired police officer Kath Giles was metal detecting in a field on the Isle of Man last December when she discovered a hoard of gold and silver jewellery. It has been identified as Viking, dating to around 950, and has been officially declared as treasure by an inquest. It has yet to be valued. ● A rare 1956 Soviet Fialka M-125-3M 10-rotor cypher machine, comparable to the Nazi WW2 Enigma machine, has been sold at auction in America for $22,400 (£15,870).


• US Customs and Border Protection agents in Cincinnati have intercepted a drugs shipment from Peru destined for a private residence in Hong Kong. The shipment contained about 44lb (20kg) of corn flakes coated with cocaine [We are pretty sure Chelsey Amer would not advise eating them for breakfast... -Ed]. ● An off-duty police officer in Dedham, Essex, was viewing a house for sale when he discovered 40 cannabis plants growing in the garage. A 42-year-old man was questioned by Essex Police, who commented "Things you would never hear Kirstie and Phil saying on #LocationLocationLocation - When trying to sell your house and your estate agent is bringing an off-duty police officer for a viewing, it's probably best you remove your cannabis grow."


• Last December the Minnesota Department of Transportation launched a public competition to name eight snowploughs across the state and recently announced the fifty finalists which will now be voted on, as well as releasing details of the other suggestions after a public records request was filed by Minnesota Reformer. The two lists make for interesting reading, revealing that the Department dropped the more political suggestions, and merged others. There were many variations on 'Snowy McSnowface', which were amalgamated into a final selection of 'Plowy McPlowFace', and several suggestions named after players on the Minnesota Twins baseball team, but software engineer Kanad Gupta's suggestion of 'Abolish ICE' was dropped. Despite garnering over 1000 tweets the name, a dig at the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency which became mired in controversy under the Trump administration, with allegations of sexual abuse, wrongful arrest, poor conditions, the forced separation of immigrant children from their parents and other violations of human rights, was deemed too political. Gupta himself is stoical about the name not making the cut, tweeting "I do think it is a gross injustice that 'Oh Snow You Didn't!' made the cut. I think I'm team 'Plowy McPlowFace' now." [James Hand, the originator of 'Boaty McBoatface' as a proposed name for the NERC/British Antarctic Survey's new ship, has a lot to answer for... -Ed]
  


• Canadians are up in arms over butter, with a flood of online complaints that it has become too hard to spread at room temperature. The problem behind 'buttergate' is widely seen as being increased levels of palm oil-derived supplements added to cattle feed to increase milk yield to meet a 12% increase in demand for butter as Canadians seek comfort food during stay-at-home orders introduced in response to the pandemic. Palm oil supplements have been added to livestock feed in various countries for decades, as noted by the Dairy Farmers of Canada group in response to the complaints; they promised to set up an expert committee to look into the concerns.


• A unique 22ct "Conundrum" gold Cadbury's Creme Egg has been auctioned for £31,000 ($43,800) plus 20% sale fees. It was created by Garrard & Co, jewellers to the Queen, in the 1980s to accompany a national treasure hunt, similar to the 1979 Masquerade hunt; a book was released containing clues that led not to a jewelled hare, as in 1979, but to twelve Creme Egg-sized golden eggs. The Conundrum egg was larger and offered only to retailers in a prize draw. It had previously been auctioned for around half its recent price in 2017, and was being sold again as its owner has died.


• Edvard Munch's paintings of The Scream are world famous for their depiction of anguish, so it comes as little surprise that one of them, in the National Museum of Norway, has the comment "Can only have been painted by a madman" inscribed in pencil on the top left corner. What was not known until now was who wrote it with speculation ranging from Munch himself to vandalism by an outraged visitor. The painting has recently undergone conservation work before being moved to a newly-built gallery of the museum in Oslo and conservators took the opportunity to study the writing, concluding that it was written by Munch himself, probably following the criticism it received on its first showing in 1895.


• Handforth Parish Council achieved worldwide infamy earlier this month after a planning meeting held online via Zoom descended into farce with members including the leader being expelled after telling Jackie Weaver, brought in from the Cheshire Association of Local Councils to keep the peace, that she did not have the authority (she did, and rapidly became a subject of memes and a BBC News caption "She did have the power" while being interviewed about it). A recent second Zoom meeting, without Ms Weaver, was watched online by thousands, and also descended into farce. Unfortunately for fans of political comedy Handforth Parish Council itself is facing abolition as a boundary review has suggested that it be merged with Wilmslow. The proposal is up for public consultation for the next three months.


• If you have ever fancied buying a small property in London, one has just come onto the market for a mere £950,000 ($1.34m). Located in Shepherd's Bush between what photographs appear to show as a closed shop and a closed "Private Walk-In Clinic" of some sort, the three-floor former hat shop built in the 1870s was converted to a residential property in the 1990s. There is one slight drawback - it is only 6'- (2m)-wide at its widest point, narrower than a London Underground carriage.

IN BRIEF: Thames Water workers have cleared a fatberg described as "the same weight as a small bungalow" from sewers under Canary Wharf in London. ● An entire school board in California has resigned after disparaging and joking about the parents of their pupils during an online meeting, without realising that it was being live-streamed to the parents. ● Residents of the village of Le Castellet in France had their electricity cut off for hours after two low-flying Rafale military aircraft on a training flight hit the power lines. ● A New York State father-to-be has died after an elaborate device for a gender reveal party blew up while he was building it. ● Hundreds of coffins from the Camogli cemetary near Genoa, Italy, have fallen into the sea after a collapse of the cliff it was built above. ● A "Perfect Collection" of 3,900 rare bottles of whisky has been auctioned for more than £6m ($8.47m). ● The Satanic Temple is suing the state of Texas over its restrictive abortion measures which the Temple argues infringe on its members' religious rights. ● Jasmine Harrison, 21, a teacher from Thirsk, North Yorkshire, has officially become the youngest woman to row across the Atlantic single-handed. ● A wedding ring which fell off a man's hand as he dropped off carboard at a recycling centre in North Shields on Valentine's Day has been recovered by staff. ● YouTube blocked a Croatian chess player's channel for 24 hours citing "harmful and dangerous" content. While a more detailed explanation was not given, it is thought that the use of 'black' and 'white' to describe chess pieces and 'attack', 'defence' and 'threat' to describe moves confused YouTube's AI.

CORONAVIRUS ROUND-UP: A British woman who believed a friend's false information (found online) about COVID-19, and her four children drank their own urine for four days believing it would protect them from the virus. ● Two Florida women, aged 34 and 44, were arrested after dressing up as old women to try and fool health officials into giving them vaccinations before other people their age. ● Police who raided an illegal party at a barber shop in London have issued fixed penalty notices to 22 people and fined the organiser £10,000 ($14,100). ● A man wanted on recall to prison phoned police in Sussex to say that he was going to hand himself in because "he would rather go back to prison than have to spend more time with the people he was living [in lockdown] with" according to the officer who took his call.

UPDATES: A metal monolith similar to those that appeared in America then other countries, which appeared on a roundabout in Kinshasa, in the Democratic Republic of Congo, was torn down by an angry mob after rumours that it was put there by either aliens or a secret satanic cabal spread. ● US Capitol rioters continue to be arrested, including UCLA student Christian Secor, a self-identified white supremacist who was photographed sitting in Mike Pence's chair, had thrown away his phone and boasted that he would never be caught; he was arrested after the FBI were tipped off that he had moved back in with his mommy in an affluent suburb of Costa Mesa, CA. Another rioter, Jose Padilla, was charged this week after being filmed fighting with police during the riot and later boasted on a pro-Trump website that God was on his side. He also helped Trump's opponents by posting the day after the riot that "I just want to say that as a first hand observer of every point of last night, that it was not Antifa. They were Patriots [..]". As the details of Padilla's charges were being released Senator Ron Johnson (R-Wis) [a prominent Trump supporter who has fought against public health measures, pushed COVID conspiracy theories and publicly blamed the riot on Nancy Pelosi...] was telling the first official hearing into the riot that "agents provocateurs" and "fake Trump protesters" were responsible for the attack...

^{^} OBITUARIES

Pianist Gene Taylor (Canned Heat, The Fabulous Thunderbirds, The Blasters, 68), pioneering reggae musician U-Roy (popularised 'toasting', Dread in a Babylon, Talking Roots,78), film and TV producer Peter S. Davis (Highlander [both film & TV versions], The Osterman Weekend, Cutting Class, 79), sculptor Arturo Di Modica (Il Cavallo [Lincoln Centre, NYC], Charging Bull [Wall Street, NYC], 80), singer-songwriter Hélène Martin (Chansons pour les enfants, La Douceur du bagne, Plain-Chant [TV series], 92).

^{^} DUMBLEDORE BEAR'S LOTTERY PREDICTOR!

Dumbledore Bear, our in-house psychic predicts that the following numbers will be lucky:

1, 5, 36, 42, 47, 51

[UK National Lottery, number range 1-59]
You can get your very own prediction at http://www.simonlamont.co.uk/tfir/dumbledore.htm.

^{^} AND FINALLY...

    Little Jennifer came downstairs to breakfast one morning looking concerned. "What's up, Little Jennifer?" her father asked.
    "I think the bathroom scales are broken, Daddy", she replied, "I just stood on them but nothing happened."
    "What do you mean, 'nothing happened'?"
    Little Jennifer looked at her mother and smiled as only she could. "Well, every time Mummy steps on them she gets a shock, screams and jumps off..."

---

^{^} ...end of line